


A Love like a Moonflower

by D_Leveille



Series: Moonflower Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartwarming, In which Lily and Remus get their happy ending, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Parallel Universes, Romance, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 20:09:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 47,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_Leveille/pseuds/D_Leveille
Summary: In another world, it was Remus and Lily who fell in love. Collection of sequential oneshots covering years 1-7 at Hogwarts. Parallel universe, disregards canon couples. (Please note that the first half is rated G, second half is rated T for sexual situations & darker themes) *COMPLETE!*





	1. Part 1: Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on FFN as an ongoing project that took me four years to complete. I was inspired to write this because I couldn't find many Remily fics that had a happy ending. So here is my labor of love showing how Lily and Remus grow as people (and as a couple) over the years. If you read/download, please leave me a kudos to let me know you've enjoyed it ^.^ Comments are greatly appreciated as well!

 

* * *

 - 1 -

**Cupcake**

_March 10, 1972_

***.*.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily Evans was reclining on the couch in the Gryffindor common room with a large book propped against her knees. It was after midnight, a late hour for a first-year to be awake, but Lily was waiting for Remus Lupin to arrive back from the hospital wing. His illnesses were a regular occurrence by now, but Lily was terribly worried about her friend’s health. When he finally crawled through the portrait hole, Remus looked pale and exhausted. She immediately put the book down and hurried over to him. He had shadows under his clear blue eyes and his face was thinner than before. Lily felt like crying. Remus was the sweetest boy she’d ever met, and it pained her that someone so good had to suffer.

“Lily, what are you doing up?” She threw her arms around his neck, pulling his frail body into an embrace. “Lily?” he stammered. She’d never hugged him before, so it was no wonder that he was shocked.

“Oh, Remus,” she whispered. “Are you—”

“Yes, I’m alright.”

He placed his hand hesitantly on her back and she took that as a good sign, so she pulled him closer. Lily could feel the thump of his heart against her chest. It was a very comforting sensation knowing that he was okay.

Lily’s soft, shoulder-length red hair was brushing against the side of his face and it smelled like flowers. He could feel a blush spreading across his cheeks at her proximity. “Lily… err, this is kind of embarrassing.”

She reluctantly let go of him and her bright smile was like the sunrise. Lily took his hand and led him over to the couch. “I have a surprise for you,” she said excitedly. “I’ll go and get it!” He watched with amusement as she ran up the girl’s staircase. Lily always had so much energy.

Remus sat down beside her black cat, who was curled up on a tartan blanket in the middle of the couch. The cat opened his golden eyes and looked at him. “Hi, Lumos,” he greeted. The cat gave a big yawn and stretched his limbs out before climbing onto his lap. Lily’s cat liked him for some strange reason. He scratched Lumos behind the ears and the cat purred in contentment.

He heard Lily’s footsteps and soon she was in front of him, holding a cupcake with a single lit candle. “Happy Birthday, Remus!” That’s right… he was 12 years old today. She held it in front of him. “Make a wish.” Something immediately sprang to mind and he blew the flame out in one breath.

Lily pulled the candle out of the chocolate frosting. Remus took the cupcake from her hands and thanked her. “This is really nice of you.” He hadn't eaten anything all day and was absolutely ravenous. The dessert was gone in about four bites. Remus was licking his fingers when Lily gave a tinkling little laugh next to him. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

She nudged his shoulder with hers. “Not at all. I’m glad you liked it. I know chocolate is your favorite, so I saved it from dinner. Professor McGonagall gave me the candle though.” She pulled her legs up, covering herself with the tartan blanket.

“Thank you for thinking of me, Lily. It means a lot.”

“Well of course I think of you. You’re my friend, Remus.” A crease appeared between her eyebrows. “I just wish you felt better on your birthday.”

“I do because of you.”

She blinked her pretty green eyes at him. “Truly?”

“Yes, truly,” he replied with a little smile.

Lily leaned her head against his shoulder. “I’m glad.” After a brief moment of silence she said, “Will you tell me about your illness someday?”

“I don’t know, Lily,” he replied apprehensively.

“I’ll never think the less of you for it.” Remus wanted to believe that. Lily was so kind… if anyone could overlook him being a werewolf, it would be her. “No matter what, we’ll always be friends,” she murmured. “I promise.”

That was exactly what he had wished for. Remus turned his head to look down at her. Lily’s eyes were closed, and her reddish eyelashes glowed in the firelight. His heart was beating fast and his insides were fluttering around. It was a peculiar feeling, but not a bad one. Lily’s even breathing seemed to indicate that she was asleep. He was usually shivery after the full moon, but he felt warm and relaxed with Lily at his side, the cat on his lap, and the crackling fire in front of him. He closed his tired eyes and silently thanked Dumbledore for allowing him to attend Hogwarts. Remus finally felt as though he belonged somewhere.

 

* * *

 - 2 -

**Monthly Pains**

_Second-Year_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily sat next to a peaky looking Remus during breakfast. He was pushing around his porridge and barely eating anything. Lily didn't feel well either. Her stomach had been bothering her since the night before. It wasn’t exactly a nauseated feeling, but a dull ache low in her belly. She forced down a piece of buttered toast and a cup of black tea.

“Remus, you should eat more. You need to keep up your strength.”

The last thing he wanted was to have strength to do more damage. “I'm never hungry when I have a headache,” he replied truthfully. The moon’s pull always made him feel foggy. Remus knew that he would have to skip his afternoon classes so he could lay down in the hospital wing.

“Then at least have something to drink.” Lily poured out another cup of earl grey, adding milk and two sugars.

“Merlin’s pants, Evans,” James remarked from across the table. “Are you his mum or something?”

She glared over at Potter, but didn’t bother responding to his rude comment. She wasn’t in the mood for an argument. Lily turned back to Remus and noticed that the tips of his ears were red. Despite his embarrassment, he drank the tea.

Remus gave her a shy smile. “It’s good, thanks.”

She smiled back before a pain made her grimace.

“What’s the matter?” he asked with concern.

“My stomach hurts.”

“You should go see Madame Pomfrey.”

Lily shook her head. “I can't miss Transfiguration. I’ll go afterwards if it’s still bothering me.”

The cramping didn’t stop while she sat in class, and to Lily’s mortification, it was accompanied by an alarming sensation. She put everything together, feeling like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Lily raised her hand.

“Yes, Miss Evans?” Professor McGonagall asked. The students turned around to look at her.

“I'm sorry to interrupt, but I’m not feeling well. May I please go to the hospital wing?”

“Of course you may.”

“Thank you.” Lily could feel her cheeks burning as she hurriedly packed up her belongings.

***.*.***

Remus was distracted for the remainder of class. He impatiently watched the clock, waiting for the time to tick down. Remus was the first one out of the room when Professor McGonagall dismissed them.

Madame Pomfrey looked up from her desk as he walked into the hospital wing. She gave him a friendly smile. “Morning, Mr. Lupin. Are you here for a lie down?”

He nodded. “Is Lily Evans here too? She left in the middle of class with a stomach ache.”

The school nurse knew that they were friends because Lily stopped by quite often to visit him. “Yes, but she’s doing better now. I gave her something to ease the pain.”

“So it isn’t anything serious then?” he asked in clarification.

“Not at all. She’s in the last bed by the window if you’d like to see her.” Madame Pomfrey got something out of a drawer and walked over to him. “Why don’t you share this with Miss Evans?” she asked, holding out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate.

He thanked her before making his way down the center aisle. Each bed had a privacy screen from its neighbor, but the front was open so he could see that no other students were laying down today. He put his schoolbag on the second to last bed and walked close to the divider.

“Lily?” he asked softly. “Can I come in?”

“Yes, Remus.”

He walked around to the other side to see Lily covered up with a woolen blanket. Her body was curled into the fetal position and she was hugging an extra pillow to her midsection. Lily gave him a wan smile as he pulled the straight-backed chair closer to her bedside.

“Madame Pomfrey said you were okay, but you look very pale to me.”

“I’m alright,” she replied. “I’ll have to get used to feeling this way.”

“Why?” he asked with a frown.

“Remus, don’t you know what happens to girls every month?”

Then he recalled something that Sirius had told him not too long ago. “ _We have to watch ourselves now that we’re second-years. Soon all the girls will be bleeding from down there and turning into right raging beasts because of it. You think some of them are uptight now, but wait until PMS sets in.”_

“Errr, I know a bit.” Remus knew that he was blushing, so he quickly changed the subject. “Madame Pomfrey gave me a chocolate bar. Would you like some?”

“Sure.”

He broke it in half and they savored the creamy chocolate in silence. Lily looked at Remus; the sunshine had turned his light brown hair into a lovely golden color.

“Our situations are reversed,” he said, meeting her eyes. “It’s usually me in that bed.”

“Yes. Both of us are going to be absolutely miserable the next few days. I know it will be much worse for you though.”

He blinked as he registered her last comment. “Lily, do you… know about me?” She nodded. Remus dropped his eyes to the floor. “And it doesn’t bother you?”

“No. Why would it?”

“Half-breeds like me are hated in the wizarding world.”

Lily sat up in bed and reached for his hand. “Remus, don’t call yourself that. I’m Muggle-born so their bigotry doesn’t influence me.”

He met her emerald gaze and saw the sincerity in them. “Most people wouldn’t even consider me a human being anymore.”

His words broke her heart. “You are human, Remus, and one of the best I know. You have a beautiful, caring heart, so don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of yourself. Okay?”

Remus nodded and he had to clear his throat of the emotion which had lodged itself there. “Thank you, Lily.”

She impulsively leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek. He stared at her with widened eyes. A fiery blush suffused her face. “I’m sorry,” Lily stammered. “I got a bit carried away.”

He grinned. “It’s alright. I don’t mind.” In fact, Remus hoped that she would kiss him again in the future.

Madame Pomfrey appeared a few minutes later, reminding Remus that he should be lying down himself. He had been so happy talking with Lily that he had temporarily forgotten about the headache. Remus got up from the chair and went over to his own bed, where he covered himself with a scratchy blanket. He waited until Madame Pomfrey was gone before turning towards the divider and whispering Lily’s name.

“Yes, Remus?” she asked softly.

“Will you stop by tomorrow after class? I’ll probably be out of it, but…” he trailed off.

Lily finished the sentence for him. “But you’d like it if I sat with you?”

“Yes,” he replied. “If you want to that is.”

“Course I do. I’ll bring my homework just in case you’re sleeping.”

They stopped talking after this, but were too excited to take a nap. Remus smiled as he touched the spot on his cheek where her lips had been. Meanwhile, Lily’s heart was racing as she hugged the pillow tightly to her chest. She had liked Remus ever since first-year, but they rarely had time alone. Their private moments occurred before or after the full moon: either in the common room or right here in the hospital wing. Lily was suddenly grateful that she had gotten her period that day. Their shared pain had brought them together.

 

* * *

\- 3 -

**Palm Reading**

_September 1973_

***.*.*.*.*.*.***  

* * *

 

Remus had just arrived on the bustling train platform with his parents when he heard Lily’s voice calling for him. _But where is she?_ he wondered as he made his way through the crowd. He finally spotted her standing on top of her school trunk, waving at him with a big smile on her face. Remus felt himself grinning back as he approached. She got down from the trunk and he was surprised to discover that Lily was a few inches taller than him. Her rich auburn hair now fell past her shoulders. Remus caught the scent of her flowery shampoo even before she pulled him into a tight hug. Lily’s new curves pressed against him and he felt a blush rising to his cheeks.

Lily pulled back to look at him. “It’s so good to see you, Remus! I really missed you.”

“Err, likewise,” he mumbled stupidly as he looked into her leaf-green eyes. Lily had always been beautiful, but her happiness magnified it. Her energy was so bright and alive that he felt the cloud over him dissipate.

He had forgotten that his parents were nearby until his mother said: “You must be Lily Evans. Remus has spoken of you so often! Thank you for being such a dear friend to him. It means the world to us.”

And then his father made it worse by adding: “So this is the girl who was sending you letters all summer, eh, Remus?” he asked, nudging his shoulder. “It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Evans.”

His face was blazing now, but Lily looked pleased as she shook their hands. His mum kissed him goodbye and his dad gave him a brief hug before leaving the two of them alone. Remus was still a little embarrassed, so he bent down to pet Lumos through the bars of the carrier.

“Your parents didn’t come with you today?” Remus asked when he straightened up.

“No, they just dropped me off. My sister had somewhere to be.”

Remus knew that Lily didn’t get along with her sister. Their relationship had gone bad after she received her Hogwarts letter. Because of that, Lily spent most summers reading or hanging out with Severus Snape. Remus was a bit jealous about that. He would have given anything to spend one whole day with Lily.

“Oi, Moony!” Remus turned around to see James and Sirius approaching.

“Looking good, Evans,” Sirius said with a smirk as he surveyed her.

Lily scowled at him. “Keep your eyes to yourself.”

He held his hands up in protest. “Hey, I can’t help what they do when your top is that tight.”

“You’re a disgusting pig,” Lily shot back.

Remus wanted to say something to Sirius, but he was so angry that he couldn’t find the words. His friend only laughed. Lily told Remus that she’d see him later. He nodded. “Bye, Lily. I’m sorry,” he said in an undertone.

“Don’t apologize on his behalf. It isn’t your fault that he doesn’t have any manners.”

Remus felt his heart clench as she walked away. And then James and Sirius started talking about her chest. “She’s gone up at least a cup size. Shame that our school robes will keep that body hidden.”

His blood boiled with rage. “That’s enough! Don’t talk about Lily that way.” Their eyes widened in shock. Remus rarely stood up to James and Sirius, but he wasn’t going to allow them to get away with this.

“There’s no need to get your fur all ruffled, Moony,” James said. That comment only infuriated Remus even more and Sirius had to step in to smooth things over.

“Sorry, mate. I’d forgotten that you fancy her.”

He looked at Sirius. ‘Fancy’ didn't even begin to cover how he felt. “Lily knew about me before you lot did and she accepted me for what I am. So I’d appreciate it if you treated her with some respect. She deserves that much.”

“Yeah, fine. We will then.” James threw his arm around his shoulder. “Don’t be angry, Moony. We haven’t seen you in ages! How was your summer?”

“Alright. Same as always really.” Well except for Lily’s letters, but he wasn’t going to tell them about that.

Peter opened a window and yelled that he’d saved them a compartment. After exchanging stories about their holidays, the subject switched to the new electives they would be taking as third-years. Peter, James, and Sirius had chosen Muggle Studies and Divination, while Remus had picked Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures. Lily was taking Ancient Runes too and it would be the first time they’d be in a class together without his friends. He was looking forward to that more than anything else.

***.*.***

Lily couldn’t stand Divination for two reasons: the obnoxious marauders who joked around the entire class, and the amount of guesswork involved in the subject. Their first day on tea leaves was ridiculous nonsense. She decided to give it one more chance before calling it quits. The palmistry lesson was interesting until Professor Nettle took her hand and declared: “Miss Evans, you are destined for romantic complications with warring suitors.”

“I would never tolerate such a thing,” she replied stiffly, pulling her hand from the older lady’s grasp.

The professor gave her a wry smile. “My dear, you cannot control matters of the heart when other people are involved. They will react however they choose.”

“I may not be able to control _their_ behavior, but I do have a choice when it comes to who  _I love_. And I certainly wouldn't fall for anyone who considered me a prize to be fought over.”

This annoyed Professor Nettle, who complained that the Muggle women’s rights movement had no place in the magical world.

“Oh, yes it does,” Lily insisted hotly. She was docked five points for her attitude and she spent the remaining class period seething. Lily told Remus all about it before Ancient Runes started.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he said sympathetically, putting a hand on her shoulder. His tone and gesture calmed her.

“I’ll speak to Professor McGonagall about dropping the class and taking Care of Magical Creatures with you instead.”

He gave her such a happy smile that her heart did a tumble inside her chest. Lily knew exactly what that meant. She had known for a long time that Remus was special. “Can I read your palm?”

“Sure.”

She had him place his right hand down on the table so she could bend over it. His lines were harder to see than her own.

“You have a water hand,” she said, touching his long fingers. “It means that you are kind and sensitive. Your life line is fainter than the others. I guess that makes sense because of your health.” And then Lily found what she had been looking for. He trembled slightly as she gently ran her finger over the dash alongside his life line. “This indicates a companion or soul mate. Someone you’ll always be with.”

“Do you have one?” he asked softly.

She met his forget-me-not blue eyes. Their faces were so close that she could have easily kissed him. Lily’s cheeks were warm as she replied in the affirmative. She had to look away from his lips because she didn’t trust herself. “And you have a triple fork on the end of your heart line.”

Professor Vanheim walked into the class before she had a chance to explain. They got out their quills and began taking notes on the runic alphabet. Remus elbowed her a moment later and she looked over to see that he had written on a corner of his parchment: “Is that good or bad?”

She quickly wrote: “Good. You will make a very caring companion.”

Remus paused, thinking something over. The blush was still on his cheeks as he scratched out: “For you?”

She couldn’t keep the grin from her face as she added: “I’d like that” underneath his question.

The mood was broken when Professor Vanheim addressed the two of them by name and asked if they were paying attention.

“Uh, yes, sir,” Remus stuttered, pulling his parchment back in front of him.

“Good, because once you learn the runes, you’ll be able to write in code. A handy skill when conveying important or meaningful messages to someone,” he said with an amused expression.

Lily wondered if their professor was a Seer, or if their feelings for each other were just that obvious.

 

* * *

\- 4 -

**Scarves**

_Third-Year_

***.*.*.***  

* * *

 

 

The brisk autumn wind blew against Lily and Remus as they headed down to their Care of Magical Creatures lesson near the Forbidden Forest. It was slightly overcast, making the oranges, reds, and yellows of the leaves even more vibrant. A plume of smoke spiraled into the air from the gamekeeper’s chimney and they could see the giant pumpkins that Hagrid grew every year for Halloween in the garden patch.

Professor Kettleburn, who was missing a few fingers (and a foot that a Quintaped had bitten off), relaxed on a bench as he waited for his students to arrive. There was a flock of squat birds with long beaks grazing nearby. They reminded Remus of large seagulls that couldn’t fly, although their bodies were shaped more like turkeys.

“They’re Diricawls!” Lily said excitedly as they took a seat in the front row. “They vanish if they sense danger and that’s why Muggles think they’re extinct.”

“Very good, Miss Evans,” Professor Kettleburn praised. “Five points to Gryffindor.”

Remus flashed her a grin. Class hadn’t even begun, and she’d already earned them house points. Some Slytherins sneered over at her, but she was too busy examining the curious-looking birds to notice.

Once all sixteen students were present and seated on the rustic benches, Professor Kettleburn began his lecture. Remus found out that they were known as “dodo birds” in the Muggle community: a word that he was familiar with thanks to **_Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland._** His mother had read the fantastical book to him as a child. He mentioned it to Lily, who whispered back that it was one of her favorites.

 

‘Well that’s enough facts for now,” Professor Kettleburn declared, rising from the bench. He limped over to a wooden chest and lifted the lid. Remus saw woven baskets filled with what looked like berries and crabapples.

“Pair off and then get a basket. Today you’ll be feeding and drawing the Diricawls. If anyone forgot to bring paper or pencils, I have extras available. Diricawls will disappear if they feel threatened, so do not make any sudden movements or try to pet them unless they approach you themselves. Don’t feed them out of your hands because they may bite you by mistake. Anyone who disregards these rules will lose points so behave yourselves.”

Most animals were nervous around Remus because they could sense that he was different from other humans. He let Lily lure one of the birds with a trail of walnuts. They found a comfortable spot beneath a flame-colored tree. Remus unbuckled his leather messenger bag and took out his drawing supplies, while Lily sprinkled berries and seeds on the ground in front of them. When the bird came closer, she rewarded it with a crabapple. The Diricawl loved this so much that it went up to her. Lily was able to pet its fluffy grey down for a few seconds before the bird moved away. Meanwhile, Remus sketched the outline of the Diricawl and its puff of short tail feathers.

It wasn’t long until he was shivering from the biting wind. Remus had overslept that morning and run out of his dorm without grabbing his scarf. Lily noticed and asked if he was cold. “A bit,” he replied, meeting her eyes.

She unwound the scarf from her neck. “Here, I’ll share with you. It’s long enough for both of us.”

And before Remus could protest, she had flung one end around him and tucked it into the back of his woolen jumper. She was only inches from him now… close enough for him to see the light freckles that dusted her nose and cheeks. “Thanks, Lily,” he murmured.

She gave him a little smile. “Hold on, you have an eyelash.” He felt her soft fingertip brush underneath his eye and across his cheekbone, lingering there for an extra second or two. “There, got it.”

But Remus had to wonder if there had been an eyelash at all. Lily was always finding reasons to touch him these days (“your tie is crooked”, “you have a crumb on your face”, “there's ink on your fingers”). And then there were the monthly hugs she’d give him in the hospital wing, or the “welcome back” kisses in the common room.

Remus felt instantly warmer with Lily at his side. They bent over their sketchpads, breath mingling together in the chill air. To his amazement, Lily wasn’t very artistic. Remus couldn’t resist teasing her about this. “You mean there’s something that Miss Lily Evans isn’t good at? I am completely shocked!”

She poked him in the side, and a moment later, the Diricawl poked her because it was out of food. Watching the bird eat was making him hungry. He suddenly remembered that he still had some sweets left over from the weekend Hogsmeade trip. Remus took out a crumpled bag with a few toffees and Sugar Quills inside.

“Want some?” he asked.

Lily nodded and they put their pencils down to take a break. She cast a quick cleansing spell on their hands for “sanitary reasons.” They leaned against the sturdy maple tree while they ate. Lily’s head was touching his and he felt dopey with happiness. Remus didn’t notice Hagrid leaving his hut with two large trays.

He started from his reveries when the man said: “What a fine picture the pair of yeh make.” Remus looked up to see the massive gamekeeper wink down at them. “Glad to see that yer such good friends.”

He also noticed the steaming mugs on the tray. Remus took a sniff and knew they contained spiced pumpkin cider.

“Thought everyone could use a bit o’ refreshment to warm themselves up,” he added.

“That's very nice of you, Hagrid – thank you!” Lily had to take off the scarf to stand up.

“Enjoy yerselves,” the gamekeeper said with a twinkle in his beetle-black eyes.

The cider was too hot to drink, so Remus set the mug on his raised knees and cupped his hands around it. He slowly breathed in the heavenly aroma of nutmeg and cinnamon.

“I can’t wait until the Halloween feast,” Lily said as she settled down next to him. “Thank god there’s no full moon to ruin it.”

Remus had missed the festivities the previous year. “I know, I’m excited too. There must have been lots of chocolate.”

She nodded. “Yes, all kinds, but I loved the pumpkin fudge pie the most. And the mini apple tarts.”

“Oh no, I’m getting hungry again.”

She laughed and changed the subject to fiction. “Seeing a real dodo bird is pretty special! I’ve read  _‘Alice’_ at least twenty times.” They continued to talk about their favorite books. As much as Remus loved Hogwarts, it was nice being able to discuss Muggle things with someone who understood all the references. Peter, James, and Sirius knew next to nothing about the “ordinary” world, which made Remus feel lonely sometimes.

They finished their cider and Lily secured the cozy scarf around their necks again. “Perhaps one of us should forget to bring our scarf next week as well,” she suggested, nudging him in the shoulder. “I think it should be me because I’d like to share yours. But you have to make sure you don’t oversleep again because we’ll freeze if neither of us brings one.”

Remus had to laugh at her sensible comment. “I’ll put it in my bag the night before, how’s that?”

She returned his smile. “Sounds good.”

 

* * *

 - 5 -

**Growth Spurt**

_Summer 1974_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily sat at a table in the Leaky Cauldron, sipping an anti-nausea potion that was always kept on hand for the patrons who arrived on the Knight Bus. She told her parents that she wanted to do some early school shopping, but that wasn’t her primary reason for going to London a month before the start of term. Lily would be spending the entire day with Remus, which made her feel very grown up.

She supposed it was a date, although neither of them used that word in their letters. What they had couldn’t really be classified. It was a sort of in-between state – more than friends – but not yet crossing the barrier of becoming a couple. Lily was hoping this would be the year for their relationship to progress.

Remus had warned her about his changed looks, but she was still surprised when he walked through the pub door. He had his hands shoved self-consciously into his pockets as he slouched towards her. But his smile was the same: a little unsure with a sweetness that filled her with a happy warmth. She grinned back and pulled out the chair beside her.

“Hi Lily,” he said, sitting down in the chair. Remus brushed the shaggy fringe from his eyes and looked at her. Golden starbursts around his pupils had transformed his forget-me-not blue irises into a stunning sea-green.

“Your eyes!” she gasped, cupping the side of his face so he couldn’t look away from her.

“I know. My mum told me that hers did the same thing when she was around my age.” Even his voice had deepened. He began to flush under her gaze, and she dropped her hand, feeling shy all of a sudden. This Remus was someone she didn’t know.

He seemed to read her mind. “I know I look different, but I’m still the same person. Well, for the most part anyway.” Remus said in an undertone: “My recovery time is a lot faster now. I only feel terrible for about a day afterwards.”

“That’s great! I’m glad you’re getting stronger.”

“Yes, but there’s also a drawback.” He leaned next to her ear and whispered, “My wolf form is bigger too so I’m causing a lot more damage. I wish I could keep my head during transformations. That would solve everything… no destruction or injuries, but I suppose that will never happen.”

Lily reached for his hand. “Maybe a potion will be invented someday that can help with that,” she said in a comforting tone. “Don’t give up hope, Remus.”

Their faces were still very close. He leaned back, chewing on his bottom lip as he averted his eyes. “I’ll try not to.”

Lily let go of him, feeling hurt. Things seemed to be going backwards instead of progressing. Why was he acting like this? He never minded before when she hugged or touched him.

He cleared his throat. “Sorry that I’m late. Dad was taking forever this morning and I was waiting around for him. Have you ever done side-along Apparition before?” She shook her head. “It’s really unpleasant. Was the Knight Bus awful too?”

“Ugh, yes. I nearly threw up, but I guess it beats taking a regular train because it only took about twenty minutes to get here.”

He frowned. “Do you still feel sick?”

“No.” She explained about the anti-nausea potion. “Doesn’t taste very good though. Think I’ll order a Butterbeer. Do you want one too?”

He nodded, but stood up before she could. “I’ll get them.”

They stayed in the pub for another twenty minutes. Standing beside him made her realize just how much he had grown. Lily didn’t even reach his shoulders now. “My goodness, Remus, look at you!” she exclaimed as they headed for the door. “Bet you’ll be the tallest in our year.”

He gave her a little smile. “My legs are actually sore from growing so fast. All I’ve been doing this summer is sleeping. Dad says that’s normal for teenagers. Has it been the same for you?”

"No, I’ve been really restless. Reading more than sleeping. I don’t think I’ve got any taller though... I did most of my growing last summer.”

“Yeah, I remember how surprised I was when I saw you on the platform. I suppose it’s the same for you now.”

“You got that right,” she replied with a grin.

They took a bus to Bloomsbury. It was a warm August day, so they decided to stroll around the gardens in Russell Square. They sat down on a park bench. Lily removed her white cardigan, letting the sun touch her pale arms. She closed her eyes and reveled in the warmth. When she glanced over at Remus, he was watching her with an unreadable expression.

“What’s the matter?”

“Your skin will burn if we stay out here much longer. Why don’t we go over to the British Museum now?”

“I put on sunscreen, so I’ll be fine. Let’s stay a few more minutes at least.”

Lily could see the fine blond hairs shining on his upper lip. Then she noticed the way his fists were clenched around the fabric of his jeans.

“Remus, why are you so tense? Have I done something to upset you?” She felt like crying; nothing was going the way she thought it would. “I was really excited about seeing you today, but it doesn’t seem like you want to be here at all.”

“I do, Lily, I swear! And you haven’t done anything.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “The problem is me; my senses have been going haywire lately. Dad says it should pass once my body adjusts to the changes.” Remus paused, mulling something over. After a brief hesitation he added, “Normal teenage boys don’t have it easy, but it’s even worse for me.” A blush crept up his neck and he turned his head away. “Sorry… I’m just really embarrassed over this whole thing.”

“It's okay, Remus. Thank you for telling me.” Lily understood now. Knowing the reason for his distance made it somewhat easier to bear, but it was still difficult when all she wanted was to be close to him. She stood up to put her cardigan back on. “Shall we go to the museum now?”

He gave a nod. Remus reached for her hand as they walked down a garden path. His large palm enveloped her own and she smiled over at him. “You look very pretty today,” he complimented.

“Oh, thank you.” She had braided her damp hair before going to bed so that it would fall in waves down her back. Lily even applied a little mascara and lip-gloss. “You’re quite handsome yourself.”

He grinned. “Nah, I’m much too awkward and gangly, but thanks for trying to make me feel better.”

“Remus Lupin, if I say you look handsome, then I mean it! I would never lie to you.”

His expression softened as he gazed into her eyes. “I’ve missed you, Lily. Summer holidays aren’t any fun when I can’t see you.”

“Then why don’t we spend some time together next summer?” she suggested. “At least a week or two… maybe more.”

“Okay.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Let’s plan on it.”

***.*.***

“Do you want to get something to eat before we do our school shopping?” Remus asked when they arrived at Diagon Alley two hours later.

“Definitely,” she replied, spotting the bright green and pink umbrellas outside of Florean Fortescue’s. They ordered two cones: caramel-chocolate for Remus and strawberry-brownie for Lily.

They saw a few Hogwarts students, but none of them were in their social circle. It was nice being able to go into shops without experiencing a mad dash for school supplies.

“We’ll have to do our shopping early from now on,” Lily commented as they found their fourth-year spellbooks in Flourish & Blotts. She sat on the edge of the leather armchair that Remus was in. “I wish I could do my homework with you.”

He looked up at her. “Me too. I suppose you’ll be getting a head start with Snape, huh?” Remus tried to sound nonchalant about it, but he was inwardly annoyed that the Slytherin got to spend summers with Lily.

“Probably just Potions and Defense. Sev takes Arithmancy instead of Ancient Runes, so I’ll be on my own with that until we’re back at Hogwarts.”

Remus and Lily always did their Runes assignments in the library because the Gryffindor common room was too noisy for concentration. Not to mention that it gave them a convenient excuse to spend some time alone. But now he wondered if that was really a good idea considering his hypersensitive body. Instead of the private nook they usually occupied, it would be better to sit at a main table around other people. Remus hoped that his hormones would calm down in a few months.

He glanced at Lily’s leg on the armrest. The hem of her cotton sundress had ridden up above her knees. Remus could smell her vanilla lotion, which triggered a vision of a freshly showered Lily sitting on the edge of the tub, rubbing a generous amount into her creamy skin. She was about to remove her towel when Remus jumped out of his chair to put an end to his vivid imagination.

“Umm, we better pay for these before the queue gets too long.”

“There’s hardly anyone in here though,” she pointed out.

“But we still have more stores to visit,” he replied quickly, walking ahead of her to hide his burning face. “We have to get everything done before five.” That would give them an hour to eat dinner before Remus’ father arrived from the ministry to pick him up.

They went to Madam Malkin’s for school robes and then to the Apothecary for potions ingredients. Lily wanted to brew some new ones. Remus tried to push aside the bitter feeling he got when he imagined her sitting beside Severus Snape as they worked companionably together. He didn’t want to be one of those jealous prats who got insecure over male friends. Lily would hate that kind of behavior. _And besides,_ Remus told himself, _I know she likes me and not Snape, so I needn’t worry about it._

***.*.***

They stopped at a Pizzeria for dinner. The owner showed them how to fold the thin slice in half and eat it the Italian way. They ended up devouring the small pizza (3 slices each), but ordered two extra boxes to take home with them. It was nearly six in the evening when they headed back to the Leaky Cauldron. Remus stopped outside of the entrance, put his bags down on the ground, and touched her arm. He was giving her his puppy expression – something he only did when he wanted affection.

Lily set her shopping bags beside his and Remus bent to hug her. She slipped her arms around his waist, reaching up to touch his back, which felt broader and more muscular underneath her hands. Lily could smell something woodsy like aftershave. Her head went all fuzzy as they clung to each other out on the street. She still felt disorientated when Remus pulled back slightly. A moment later, his lips found their way to her cheek. He had never kissed Lily before.

“Thanks for meeting me today,” he murmured.

And then he let go and Lily’s eyes were open again. Remus looked just as dazed as she felt, and when he tried to pick up a shopping bag, he missed the handle on the first try. Lily turned her head to hide her smile. Knowing that Remus was still the same shy boy despite his bigger body was a comforting thought.

The Knight Bus arrived outside of the Leaky Cauldron ten minutes later. Lily stood on the first step, putting them at the same height. She brushed the sandy hair from his forehead to get a better look at the gold in his eyes. They reminded her of sunlight shining on water.

“I’ll see you soon, Remus.”

He smiled back at her. “Bye, Lily. Owl me in a few days?” he asked hopefully.

“Course I will.” She pressed a kiss to his cheekbone. The gesture was a familiar one, yet it felt different somehow. Change was slowly approaching.

 

* * *

\- 6 -

**First Christmas**

_Fourth-Year_

***.*.*.*.***  

* * *

 

Remus was just about to add his name to the list of Gryffindor students remaining at Hogwarts when James appeared at his side. “Why are you staying for Christmas, Moony?”

He lowered the pen and turned to meet the hazel eyes of his friend. “My parents decided to visit family in Wales.” It was true enough, although Remus could have gone if he’d really wanted to.

“You can stay with me if you like.” James thumped him on the back. “No use being lonely here.”

“Err, thanks for the invitation, but I won’t be alone.” Remus felt embarrassed because he knew what was coming.

“What do you mean?”

Sirius got a look at the notice board and answered for him. “Looks like Evans will be with him.”

His declaration got James and Peter going, who joked about Lily sleeping in his bed. Remus spluttered that it would never happen as they weren’t dating yet. “And even if we were, I wouldn’t ask her to stay over!”

Peter grinned. “Yeah, but what if she wanted to? I doubt you’d turn her away if she showed up at the door.”

James gave a snort. “Remus is such a gentleman that he probably would. It’s a complete waste I say. Do you know how many blokes would kill to be in your shoes?”

Sirius slung an arm around his shoulder, making Remus stoop slightly. “It’s alright, Moony – there’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Plus, it would really ruin my reputation if you had a girl in your bed before I did.” Sirius gave him a smirk. “And I plan on making that a reality with McKinnon.”

“Don’t you think you should try for someone who actually likes you?” he asked.

“Nah, I prefer a challenge. You just watch Moony… she’ll fall for me by the end of term.”

“Not gonna happen, mate,” James told him. “Peter would have better luck with her over you.”

“WHAT?” Sirius bellowed, letting go of Remus.

“Hey, leave me out of this!” Peter exclaimed nervously.

A mock fight ensued, which Remus ignored. He wrote his name under Lily’s with a smile.

***.*.***

A handful of other Gryffindors had stayed behind as well. There was a group of rowdy second-year boys, a pair of fifth-year prefects, and a seventh-year girl. Lily and Remus hardly saw them in the common room though. The younger boys were always outside playing Quidditch or having snowball fights and the older students retreated to the library to study for their O.W.L’s and N.E.W.T’s.

Professor McGonagall brought in a tiny evergreen tree while Lily and Remus were playing a game of wizard chess before dinner. She set it on the floor near the window, and with a wave of her wand, the tree expanded to its original size.

“I have some ornaments here if you would like to trim the tree,” she told them.

“Thank you, Professor,” they said in unison, causing the usually stern teacher to smile back at them.

The box was filled with golden stars that glowed softly, shiny baubles that changed colors, and enchanted snow globes. Lumos climbed to the top of the tree and didn’t know how to get back down. Remus stood on a chair to rescue him. The black cat remained on the ground after that, settling on the red tartan tree skirt instead.

Lily switched on the wireless, turning the dials until she found a station playing carols. Remus liked listening to Lily’s pretty voice as she sang along to the choruses. She got him to join in occasionally, which made both of them laugh as he couldn’t carry a tune. The starry lights reflected off the frost-paned windows, lending a cozy atmosphere to the dim common room.

Remus lit some candelabras so they could finish their chess game. Lily won a close one, and when he congratulated her, she gave him a brilliant smile that made his stomach do a flip. Her beauty still left him breathless sometimes.

“Shall we head down to dinner?”

Remus glanced at his wristwatch. It was fifteen minutes to seven. “Probably should.”

They held hands as they descended the stairs – something they had never done in school before. The empty castle gave them more opportunities to be affectionate without worrying about gossip.

“Doesn’t it almost feel like we’re on our own?” Lily asked.

“Yeah, it does.”

“If you weren’t here, I’d find all of this quiet a bit eerie though.”

“I suppose you’re right. The school seems larger without students clogging up the corridors.”

“We should go exploring in the next few days,” she suggested. “You know, take advantage of having free reign. I want to do all sorts of fun things that I’ve never done before.”

“Ah, so your adventurous spirit has awakened then,” he teased. Lily was known for being a serious student who rarely let loose.

“Perhaps it has,” she replied, smiling. “I want to enjoy myself and not think about assignments. But I also don’t want to do anything that will get us a detention.”

Remus laughed. “Yeah, I don’t either.” He got into enough trouble during term. “You know what I would like though… to go flying. You up for it?”

Lily chewed her bottom lip. “Well I haven’t been on a broom since first-year, but I’ll try again if you help me.”

Remus gave her hand a squeeze. “Course I will, Lily.”

***.*.***

The common room emptied out at 11 PM on Christmas Eve. They went up to their dormitories when the Prefects did, and met back downstairs ten minutes later. Lily was wearing a powder pink dressing robe over her pajamas and carrying **_The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_** in her hands.

“I read this every year,” she explained as she plopped down beside him on the couch. “Do you have any traditions?”

“Just food ones. We always have a loaf of Bara Brith for Christmas morning. It’s a Welsh bread made with dried fruit, tea, and honey.”

“Sounds good – I’d love to try it.”

“Mum will probably send me some. I’ll share with you.”

She smiled, leaning against his shoulder. Remus was glad that he could be close to her again without his body rebelling. His peak hypersensitivity had lasted until the end of October. Madame Pomfrey tried to give him a potion to dull his senses, but it made him too drowsy during his lessons. The smells and sounds of an enclosed classroom had been nearly unbearable – giving him pounding headaches that sapped his energy. Remus had spent most of his free time sleeping in his room. His wolfishness slowly dissipated in November and he started to feel normal again by December.

“Do you have a favorite memory of Christmas Eve?”

She thought for a couple of seconds. “Yes. Me and my sister made a tent in the living room because we wanted to see Father Christmas. Our parents came down at midnight and made us go back upstairs, but it was fun while it lasted.” Her green eyes lit up. “We should make a tent too! Remus, let’s stay in the common room tonight.”

Lily’s enthusiasm was contagious, and he found himself agreeing. They used the Accio charm to summon their blankets and pillows, creating a sort of nest. The bed curtains were draped over the couch and two armchairs to create the tent canopy. Remus knew a cushioning charm for the floor and Lily filled a jar with blue flames for the lighting. Lumos joined them inside their enclosure.

They took turns reading the book aloud. Remus finished a chapter, and when he looked over, Lily was asleep. “Sweet dreams,” he said softly, brushing a stray lock of hair from her cheek. She smiled at the gesture and murmured, “G’night, Remus,” without opening her eyes.

***.*.***

Lily awoke sometime before dawn to use the loo. The dormitory bathrooms were very drafty during winter and she was freezing by the time she returned to the tent. Lily burrowed under the covers, but continued to shiver.

“Remus?” she said through chattering teeth, reaching a hand out to shake his shoulder.

“Hmm?” he mumbled.

“I’m cold. Can I get under the covers with you?”

He lifted his quilt in reply. Lily kept her own blanket tucked around her body as she snuggled next to his chest. Remus covered them, draping his arm over her as he did so. She warmed up in less than a minute and found herself drifting off to the sound of his steady breathing.

***.*.***

They enjoyed a few precious hours of peaceful slumber. Then Lumos decided to rudely walk over their pillows, meowing loudly. Remus was surprised to see the top of Lily’s head when he opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds to remember her request, which he had mistaken for a dream. He smiled at the discovery, feeling a deep sense of contentment. Lumos snapped him out of his reverie with another cry.

Remus found his watch and saw that it was just after 7:30 AM. He would have loved to lay back down, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. They were still in the common room after all.

He touched her back. “Lily? It’s time to get up now.”

“Too sleepy,” she mumbled.

“We need to sort out the tent before everyone comes downstairs. The Prefects might dock us points if they find out.”

That got her attention. Lily sat up; long hair charmingly mussed from sleep. She gave him a groggy smile and wished him a Happy Christmas.

“Happy Christmas, Lily,” he replied, reaching over to smooth down her auburn tresses. Lumos climbed over their legs and gave another loud meow. “I think he’s telling us to hurry up,” Remus interpreted. “This is the third time he’s yelled.”

She threw the covers away. “That must mean someone is awake. Come on!”

They quickly dismantled the tent and went up their separate staircases. Remus breathed a sigh of relief when he closed the door to his room. The risk had been entirely worth it of course.  _I stayed with Lily the whole night,_ he thought with a grin as he collapsed on his bed. Remus was reviewing his memories when he heard the group of second-year boys clatter down the stairs. Lumos had been just in time with his warning.

He summoned the pile of gifts from the foot of his bed. The packages from home contained several pairs of knitted socks and an assortment of sweets, including the Bara Brith loaf. He received Zonko’s products and lots of candy from James, Sirius, and Peter. He opened Lily’s gift last: a soft plaid shirt that smelled faintly of her lotion. Remus went over to the wardrobe to find his tan corduroys. He threw on his clothes, brushed his teeth, and then headed back downstairs.

A breakfast table had been set up in the common room for the holidays. All you had to do was say what you wanted, and it appeared. Remus requested a pot of Earl Grey tea, sausage and eggs, plus extra plates and utensils for the bread. The breakfast was ready by the time Lily arrived in the common room. She had on a yellow toggle cardigan and indigo bell bottoms. She was also holding his gift: a hardcover edition of **_The Secret Garden_** _._ He had chosen it because of the embossed golden flowers on the boards and spine.

“Thank you so much, Remus, I love it!”

She placed the book on the table before draping her arms about his shoulders in a kind of hug from behind. He reached up to touch her hand. The boys gave a low whistle which caused Lily to release him.

“Pipe down, will you?” Remus asked with annoyance, but they only snickered.

“Oh, don’t mind them, they’re just kids.” Lily sat across from him. “Is this the bread you were telling me about?” He gave a nod as she took a bite. “Wow, so moist! Your mum sure knows how to bake.”

Remus smiled. “Glad you like it. By the way, thanks for the shirt. It’s a really nice color.”

“You’re welcome.” She leaned forward a little, peering at him. “I had a feeling it would bring out the blue in your eyes. I like how they change color depending on what you’re wearing.”

They chatted about their other gifts while they ate. Then Lily and Remus heard the second-years mention something about sledding. They exchanged an excited look over the table.

“Can we come too?” Lily asked.

“Sure,” one of the boys replied. “We’re going in an hour.”

***.*.***

Hogwarts was covered in a foot of white snow that sparkled under the pale morning sunshine. Lily held onto Remus’ arm as they traipsed through it with their tall boots. The chill air made their faces tingle, bringing a flush to their cheeks. Lily was bundled up in a belted forest green coat, white pom-pom hat, and matching gloves. Remus wore a navy-blue parka with his faux-fur trimmed hood pulled up.

“I haven’t gone sledding in years,” Lily said as they headed for the steepest hill on the grounds.

“Yeah, I think I was about nine… the sled was too small, and my cousin accidentally knocked me off.” He grimaced. “I rolled the rest of the way down.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “That’s horrible! Did you get hurt?”

“Nah, I was alright, just a little dizzy.”

The sleds turned out to be quite big and sturdy looking with runners and safety handrails. Lily chose to sit in the front. She leaned back against Remus, whose arms slipped around her waist. “How’s that?” he asked. “Do you feel comfortable and secure?”

“Yes,” she replied, gripping the handrails.

“Better hold onto her tight, Lupin,” advised one of the boys.

“Why?”

The boy grinned. “You’ll see. Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll give you a push.”

“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?” he muttered.

Lily gave a nervous laugh. “Don’t worry, it will be fine.”

But they were both screaming as they went down the hill in a burst of speed. The sled was clearly enchanted to go even faster. Lily had to keep her eyes open to make sure they didn’t hit anything.

“Will it even be able to stop?” she yelled.

“I’ll kill them if it doesn’t!”

To their relief, the sled began to slow as they approached the bottom of the hill. They came to a halt halfway in the large clearing. Lily’s heart was beating fast from the rush of adrenaline. “Oh god, that was so scary.”

Remus swore under his breath as he tried to get up. It took Lily a few seconds to pry her fingers loose from the rails and take his outstretched hand. But her legs were all wobbly and she fell into him. Remus’ legs must have been wobbly too because they both went down in the snow. They started laughing over the whole situation.

When the breathless giggle attack ceased, Lily raised her head from Remus’ chest. His eyes were shining playfully as he grinned at her. “Ah, that was the best laugh I’ve had in months,” Remus said, licking his wind-chapped lips.

Lily moved her body up to meet his eyes. The action made them suddenly aware of their tangled limbs. It was a charged moment full of longing... all Lily had to do was lower her head and kiss him.

A pair of sleds skidded to a stop just a few yards away. “Oh sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” one boy called out.

“Don’t lie, of course we did,” another chimed in.

Remus looked furious and Lily whispered something to him. He gave a nod and they were up within seconds, gathering snowballs to chuck at them. There may have been a few harmless hexes thrown in for good measure too – just enough for a little revenge.

***.*.***

Lily performed drying charms on their clothes, but they were still cold (and hungry) when they entered the castle. Remus took her down a torch-lit corridor with paintings of food that lined the stone walls. He stopped in front of a giant fruit bowl. “This is a marauders secret,” he said, turning to Lily. “Do you solemnly swear not to tell anyone?”

She raised her right hand. “I most solemnly swear.”

He grinned. “Good.” Remus tickled the pear, which transformed into a green handle with a loud chuckle. He opened the portrait door and said, “After you, my lady,” with a gentlemanly bow.

Lily stepped inside a cavernous room that turned out to be the Hogwarts kitchens. About ten house elves were inside. Lily knew about them of course, although she had never seen one in person before. They were about the size of four-year-old children, but they reminded her more of wizened elders. She thought their pointed ears and huge eyes were rather adorable.

“Hello Mister Lupin, sir,” said a high-pitched voice belonging to a female elf. She hurried towards them and gave a little curtsy. “Clover wishes you a very Merry Christmas, sir!”

“Thank you, Clover – Merry Christmas to you too. I hope you’re getting enough breaks today.”

She beamed at him. “Oh yes, Clover is leaving after the feast to see her family, sir!”

“I’m glad to hear that. This is my friend Lily Evans.”

Clover gave another curtsy. “Hello, Miss Evans, it’s a pleasure to meet one of Mister Lupin’s other friends! Clover only knows Misters Black, Potter, and Pettigrew.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Clover,” she said with a smile. “Do the boys visit the kitchens often?”

“Yes, very often, miss, especially after Quidditch victories.”

Lily turned to Remus. “Ah, so this is the secret to the common room parties! I did always wonder about that.”

“Would Mister Lupin and Miss Evans like some hot chocolate?”

“Sounds great, Clover. Thank you.”

They took off their gloves and scarves before sitting down at the table by the huge fireplace.

“I come here every month after leaving the hospital wing. Clover always gives me tons of food.”

Lily smiled. “She seems very fond of you.”

The house elf returned almost instantly, carrying a silver tray with cups of frothy cocoa and a plate of snowflake shaped cookies with white icing. The snack was delicious, but they needed something else to hold them over until the feast. Remus asked for bread, cheddar slices, and tongs. They positioned their chairs in front of the fire and made toasted cheese sandwiches over the flames.

Lily and Remus headed back to the common room a half-hour later; his arm around her back, and hers around his waist.

“Today was so much fun,” she commented. “I really felt like a kid again.”

“Me too. It was by far the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

She looked up at him. “But we’ll have lots more together, won’t we?”

“Absolutely,” he replied, pulling her closer to his side. “That’s a promise, Lily.”

 

* * *

\- 7 -

**Birthday Surprises**

_Winter 1975_

***.*.*.*.***  

* * *

 

Lily awoke on January 30th with a hopeful, excited feeling. Surely something good was bound to happen on her fifteenth birthday. She felt energized as she cleaned up in the bathroom. Marlene McKinnon’s bed curtains were still closed when she got back into her room.

She pulled them aside. “Lena, wake up. You’ll miss breakfast.”

Marlene grumbled that she didn’t care, but Lily kept at it until her friend sat up. Her blonde curls were wild and tangled. She staggered out of bed, nearly tripping over her shoes in the process. Lily bit down on her lip to stop herself from laughing. Marlene was always a mess in the mornings.

“Want me to wait for you?”

“No, that’s okay.” She yawned. “See you in Potions.”

Lily dressed quickly and bounded down the stairs. Remus was already in the common room. It came as a pleasant surprise when he enveloped her in a warm hug. He normally wouldn’t do that if anyone was around.

“Happy birthday, Lily.”

She smiled up at him. “Well it’s certainly starting out as a good one.”

“And it will get better as the day goes on.”

“Oh really? Does that mean you have something special planned?”

“Wait and see,” he replied, smiling.

A lot of Gryffindors at breakfast passed along their wishes. Severus even stopped by her table in Potions, pretending to borrow some ingredients so he could whisper a quick “happy birthday.”

“Thank you for the lovely crystal vials,” she whispered back. He had sent his gift by owl the night before. His mouth curled up at the corners before he went back to his work station.

“Don’t you feel insulted?” Marlene asked in an undertone. “It’s like he’s ashamed of you.”

“I was at first, but I understand it now. He’d be ostracized by his house if they knew he was friends with a Muggle-born. They could do something horrible to him.”

“Hmm, I suppose you have a point.” She glanced over at Severus with a frown. “But the whole thing is really unfair.”

“I know, Lena. I hate all the prejudice.” She was thinking of Remus now and what he would face if students ever discovered that he was a werewolf.

James and Sirius made their usual loud entrance. Remus slouched in behind them with Peter. He smiled over at her. The full moon was only days away. Lily knew that he must already be feeling it, yet he could still smile through his pain. She admired that strength, but it also made her feel helpless that there was nothing she could do to help him. _No, maybe there is!_

Lily was so excited about her idea that it was hard to concentrate. Luckily Marlene offered to do most of the work as a birthday favor. She hung back at the end of class to speak to Professor Slughorn.

“What can I do for you, Miss Evans?” he asked jovially when she approached his desk.

“Sir, I’m writing a paper about werewolves, and I came across something in a book that mentioned failed potion cures. I was wondering if there’s any new developments among Potioneers you know?”

“Not that I am aware of, but I can make inquiries for you. One of my former students is a very accomplished Potioneer.”

“Thank you, sir. I would really appreciate it. I know a cure is probably impossible, but treating the symptoms would be a realistic goal. Werewolves are only dangerous because they lose their minds when they transform. But what if a potion was invented that allowed a werewolf to remember their humanity? Everyone would be a lot safer then.”

“An astute observation, Miss Evans! I will be sure to relay your thoughts to Mr. Belby when I speak with him. Perhaps it will pique his interest. He’s a brilliant man who would certainly be up to the task.”

Lily felt cautiously optimistic as she hurried to History of Magic. At least she had set the wheels in motion.  _And if he doesn't want to start any research, I most certainly will!_

***.*.***

Lily and Remus went to the library during the afternoon free period. Their usual nook was taken, but they found a table near a window seat. The sun was slanting in through the diamond panes, illuminating the spiraling dust motes. Lily cast the Muffliato charm before sitting down on the worn velvet cushion to open the window. A refreshing breeze drifted into the stuffy library. When she faced forward, Remus had a small purple box in his hand. He gave her a nervous smile as he sat beside her.

He held it out wordlessly. Inside was a silver link bracelet with amethyst beads and a dangling lily charm. “Oh, it’s so pretty – thank you! Help me put it on?”

His cheeks reddened as his fingers fumbled with the clasp. Remus seemed even more anxious when the bracelet was on her wrist. “Umm, Lily, will you close your eyes for a second?”

“Okay,” she replied, shutting them. Her pulse was racing now. _Is he going to kiss me?_ But he didn’t. Remus took her hand, setting it palm up on her thigh. She felt the ticklish sensation of a marker as he wrote something across it.

“You can look.”

It took a moment for her brain to register the meaning of the Runic script. She met his eyes; heart soaring with happiness. “I love you too, Remus.”

His bright smile gave Lily the courage to make the next move. He bent his head down to meet her halfway. His lips were soft and gentle under hers. The atmosphere changed when he ran his fingers along the nape of her neck, igniting every nerve ending in her body. For all their inexperience, they managed snogging well enough.

Remus rested his forehead against hers when they paused to catch their breath. His eyes were still closed. “I should have told you earlier,” he murmured. “I was scared, but I won’t be anymore.”

“Scared? Why?”

“Of something going wrong.” He leaned back to look at her. “Of being abandoned if it didn’t work out.”

“Oh, Remus, that will never happen.” She cupped the side of his face. “I’m going to love you my whole life.”

Tears filled his eyes. “But how do you know?”

“Because I’ve decided to. I won’t let anything go wrong, and I know you won’t either.”

He pulled her into a hug. It was a while before he could speak again. “No, I won’t.” They stretched out on the window seat. Remus twined their fingers together. “You’re so determined, so strong. You make me believe that I can be those things too.”

“Funny you should say that, because I’ve always seen you the same way. I suppose we inspire each other.”

He smiled back at her. They talked the whole time: sharing their hearts in a way they never had before. Years of emotion were finally given a voice.

***.*.***

Remus floated through the rest of the day. His friends noticed his spaciness and he told them the good news on his way to dinner. They made a fuss over it, ruffling his hair and thumping him on the back as they congratulated him.

Sirius grinned. “Did you kiss her, Moony?”

He could feel his ears turning red.

“He did!” Peter crowed.

“And? What was it like?”

“Really nice,” he replied sheepishly.

“Oh, come on, you have to give us more details than that!” Sirius insisted.

“No way. It’s private.”

“But we always tell you,” James said.

“Yeah, well, this is different. I love Lily, so I’m keeping it to myself.”

They teased him for being a romantic sap, but Remus didn’t let it get to him. “You’ll feel the same about it when you fall in love. Some things are sacred.”

“Moony’s words of wisdom,” Peter quipped, trying to keep up with their longer strides.

He saw that Lily had saved a seat for him.

“Evans, you need a nickname since you’re Moony’s girl now,” Sirius said, reaching for the potatoes.

“Little Red,” James suggested.

“Good one,” agreed Peter.

They were of course implying Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. Remus frowned. It was too obvious. His friends explained away ‘Moony’ as referring to his introspective nature of “mooning about.” But ‘Little Red’ might set warning bells off.

“No,” Lily replied. “I’d rather you keep calling me Evans.”

James shook his head. “Too formal. You’re practically one of us.”

“Flora,” Sirius declared. “You know, after the flower goddess.”

“Hey, I just remembered something!” Peter exclaimed. “My mum has moonflowers in her garden. They’re called that because they only open at night. Weird coincidence, huh?”

“Yeah it is. Guess you two were always meant to be,” James said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

Lily and Remus exchanged a smile. When it was time for dessert, a lemon-vanilla cake with sparkler candles appeared in front of the birthday girl. Remus had arranged it with Clover the house elf. Lily kissed his cheek before blowing them out.

There was a party in the common room later that night. James and Sirius used the invisibility cloak to get Butterbeer and snacks from the kitchens. The fourth-years lounged around, toasting marshmallows, and playing Exploding Snap while listening to Lily’s Beatles records.

Sirius tried to hit on Marlene, but she was having none of it. “I’m not interested so give it a rest.” Remus could tell that he was upset. Girls never refused him. Marlene cheered Sirius up somewhat by telling him about a fifth-year Hufflepuff named Julia who liked him.

“The reserve chaser with long hair?” James asked.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“She’s not bad, mate – I think you’d like her. I’ll point her out to you tomorrow.”

Remus hoped she was pretty enough to distract him from Marlene. He didn’t want Lily’s closest friend getting hurt. Sirius had many good qualities, but sincerity with girls wasn’t one of them.

The Prefects broke up the party at ten. “Meet me down here in an hour,” Lily whispered at the staircase.

Remus was filled with euphoria as he cleaned up for bed. He pulled on a pair of striped pajama bottoms and a thermal henley before glancing in the wardrobe mirror. Remus tried to smooth his shaggy, chin-length hair. His fringe was now long enough to tuck behind his ears.

Lily's words from a few months ago floated back to him. _“I like being able to see so much of your face.”_ He could still recall the sensation of her fingertip running across the scar that cut through his eyebrow. Remus smiled at the memory.

“Look at our lovesick puppy primping over there,” James said.

“Isn’t he adorable?” Sirius asked.

“Absolutely precious,” Peter replied with a snicker.

All three of them were piled on one bed, watching him with mischievous grins. James and Sirius started role-playing as his parents.

“Remember that it’s a school night, young man.”

Sirius raised the pitch of his voice. “Your father and I expect you back at midnight.”

“Don’t make us ground you,” James warned in a stern tone.

“We’ll come down and get you if you’re late.”

Remus tossed a pillow at them, but they only laughed harder. “You better not! I’ll come up when I’m ready.”

James let out an indignant gasp. “How dare you speak to your mother that way! Apologize this instant!”

He heaved a sigh. “Don’t spy on us or do anything embarrassing. This is really important to me.”

“We know, Moony,” Sirius said. “I swear we won’t.”

“Thanks. Well, see you later.”

Remus arrived in the common room early. He lay down on the couch. The approaching full moon made him feel lethargic and achy. Remus closed his eyes as he waited, drifting off a minute later. He awoke when Lily snuggled beside him, covering their bodies with a blanket. Remus stared back at her; lost in her smiling eyes and mouth. He traced the contours of her face with his index finger, stopping on her flower petal lips. “Am I dreaming?”

“No,” she whispered. Remus moved down her chin until he reached the hollow of her throat. He felt the throb of her pulse beneath his fingers. Surely it was real. Lily touched her lips to his, giving him soft little kisses that made him smile. “Now do you believe you’re awake?”

He held her close. Their hearts were beating in the same rhythm. “I believe it,” he replied, looking into her eyes.

She slipped her arm around his waist. “Thank you for today, Remus. You made my birthday so special.”

“You’re welcome.” He ran his hand through her freshly washed hair. “You know, I think I fell in love with you on my twelfth birthday when you gave me that cupcake.”

Lily smiled. “I remember us falling asleep on the couch. Can we do that again?”

“Yes. I couldn’t leave you tonight.”

“Good, because I’m too comfortable to move.” She rubbed his back. “Remus, are you feeling ill?”

“I was before you got here, but I’m fine now.” He was too happy to be hurting. She could heal his pain with only the simplest touch. “You’ve always been my cure, Lily.”

Now it was her turn to blink back tears. He kissed her until her eyes fluttered closed. She tucked herself near his collarbone; lips brushing against the spot on his chest where he had been attacked. She seemed to instinctively know the wound was there, hidden underneath his shirt. He felt such a strong outpouring of love from Lily, and for Lily… as though the warmth of the sun was inside of him, pushing out the cold destruction of the moon. Instead of darkness, Remus was made of shining light.

 

* * *

\- 8 -

**Lazy Summer Days**

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily was waiting on her front porch when Remus stumbled off the Knight Bus. He felt sick from the ride, but seeing her run across the grass barefoot brought a smile to his face. Remus took off his backpack before she launched herself into his arms. Lily laughed when he lifted her up and spun her around.

“You’re so tan!” she said when he put her down.

“Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time outside this summer. I played Quidditch with James and Sirius nearly every day last week.”

“And your hair is a lot shorter too.”

He reached up to touch the back of his exposed neck. “Mum made me get a trim. Does it look bad? Because I’m still not used to it.”

Lily slipped her hand in his. “No, it’s nice.”

“Are you sure that your parents don’t mind me staying for a week?”

“Absolutely sure. Lena was here for two weeks last month. They like meeting my friends.” She looked up at him. “Are you nervous?”

“Errr, yes, a lot actually.”

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t be. My parents will adore you.”

When they got on the porch, Lily led him over to the seating area. She pointed to a mug on the table. “It’s an anti-nausea potion. I figured you’d need it after riding that awful bus.”

“Yeah, I definitely do.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Thank you, Lily.”

She smiled at him. “You’re welcome.”

They sat on the rocking chairs while Remus drank it. The potion tasted bitter, but his motion sickness went away within minutes.  _Remain calm, you can do this,_ he encouraged himself as they walked into the living room. Lily’s parents stood up from the couch to greet him.

“Hello Remus, welcome to our home,” her mother said warmly. “I’m Helen and this is my husband, Michael.”

“It’s very nice to meet you.” He shook their hands. “Thank you for allowing me to stay over.”

Michael Evans was about the same height as him, with graying hair and pale eyes. Lily took after her mother from the auburn hair to the small stature. Helen’s eyes were a duller green, but the shape was identical.

All four of them went into the kitchen to have tea. Lily prepared their cups with milk and sugar while he took a lemon bar off the tray. “These are great,” he said after swallowing a bite.

Lily’s parents were friendly and talkative, which put him more at ease. They stayed downstairs for about fifteen minutes until he was taken up to the guest room to drop off his backpack.

“Here’s the bathroom and that closed door is Tuney’s.” Her sister was thankfully away at a friend’s house. “And here’s my room.”

His eyes went to the small paper lanterns strung across the ceiling. A sheer net canopy hung above her bed and some Beatles posters were tacked up on the faded floral wallpaper. A breeze fluttered the white curtains, setting off a tinkling chime. Lumos had been napping on the cushioned window seat, but he gave a big stretch and jumped down to wind himself through Remus’ legs.

He crouched to scratch his head. “Hey, Lumos.” The cat gave a friendly meow in reply.

When he stood up again, Lily was sitting on the bed. She patted the spot beside her. Remus’ feet sank into the white shag rug as he made his way over. He sat down on the patchwork quilt, glancing over at the bedside table. There was a framed photo of them sitting at the edge of the lake. Lily was leaning against his shoulder and smiling brightly at the camera. He had a copy of that same photograph in his own room.

He turned back to her. “That was a good day, huh?”

“Sure was,” she replied, moving closer.

And then his lips were on hers… months without kissing had made them hungry. Remus stopped when he realized the bedroom door was still open. “Your parents might see.”

She smiled against his mouth. “They won’t come up yet. Just hold me for a bit.”

His arms went around her narrow back and he was enveloped in her familiar scent as they clung to each other.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too, Lily.” They had talked on the phone a lot, but hearing her voice couldn’t compare to actually being with her. “I can’t believe I’m in your room – and on your bed no less.”

The vibration of her laugh passed into him. Her eyes were sparkling playfully when she met his gaze. They let go of each other when Lumos leapt up to join them. While Lily pet her cat, Remus took in the rest of the room. There was a powder blue shelf full of novels, stuffed animals on a wicker seat in the corner, a messy desk stacked with textbooks and rolls of parchment, and a schoolbag draped over a wooden chair. The wall above the desk featured an art collage made from postcards and magazine clippings. A colorful Indian scarf was draped across her dressing table. He noticed lots of decorative boxes, quartz clusters, and candles scattered over the surface. She had stuck photos of friends and family around the mirror frame.

“Your room is so nice. Very Bohemian.”

“Thanks. I found a lot of things at street markets in London. They have great deals on imports.”

“Is there another one soon? Maybe we could go together.”

“Yeah, in a few days actually. And while we’re in the city, we can stop by Diagon Alley to pick up our school supplies.”

***.*.***

That evening, they watched **_Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory _**on TV. Remus took a quick shower afterwards. He picked up Lily's bottle of vanilla lotion, and without thinking, started rubbing it on his arms. He knocked on her bedroom door to let her know the shower was free. Lily took some pajamas out of a dresser drawer before walking over to him.

She sniffed the air. “Did you put my lotion on?”

“Uhh, yes,” he admitted sheepishly. “I like the way it smells… you know, because it’s yours.”

Lily gave him a smile. “You’re so cute, Remus.” She tugged on the hem of his Yellow Submarine t-shirt. “And I like your shirt too.”

“Yeah? You can borrow it after I leave if you want.”

“Thanks, I’d like that. Why don’t you read in here while I’m getting cleaned up?”

“Okay.”

She closed the door behind her. The paper lanterns were plugged in and Lily had lit the candles on her dresser. It created a nice atmosphere, but the lighting was too dim for reading. Remus switched on the bedside lamp to search for a book. He chose **_Watership Down_** by Richard Adams and then stretched out on her bed.

Lily returned half an hour later. She was wearing a knee-length kimono robe patterned with flowers. Her damp hair brushed his cheek when she leaned down to kiss him. “I don’t want to kick you out, but my parents know you’re in here so…”

“Yeah of course, I understand.”

Lily gave him a hug at the door. The silky fabric was cool and slippery beneath his palms.

“Goodnight,” she whispered against his neck.

He gently kissed her forehead. “Sweet dreams, Lily.”

Remus crossed the hall to the guest room. Lumos followed him inside, jumping onto the bed before him. He chuckled as he climbed under the sheet. “Thanks for keeping me company,” Remus said, scratching between his ears. Lumos gave a deep, rumbling purr. So here he was with Lily’s cat, reading Lily’s book, and catching the scent of Lily’s lotion. He smiled as he settled back on the pillows.

***.*.***

It was after ten in the morning and Remus still wasn’t awake. Lily couldn’t wait anymore. She crept quietly into the guest room. He had kicked the covers off, revealing his checked boxer shorts and lean, muscled legs. Lily felt herself blushing. It was the first time she had seen him that unclothed. One arm was flung above his head, while the other rested on his midsection. Remus’ brow was furrowed as though he were having a bad dream. She smoothed her fingers over his forehead until his expression softened. He shifted onto his side, giving her enough space to sit down on the mattress. That’s when his eyes opened.

“Morning sleepyhead,” she said with a smile. “It’s almost 10:30.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep so late.”

“It’s okay. What were you dreaming about?”

“Hogwarts… I got a D on my Potions exam.”

She touched the side of his face. “Oh honey, you’re that worried about the class?”

“I s’pose I am… you know, O.W.L. year and all.”

“Then we can be partners.”

“What about Marlene? Won’t she mind?”

“No, she’s much better in Potions now. You need my help more than she does.”

He gave her a little smile. “Thanks, Lily. I barely scraped by last term. I didn’t want to say anything because I was embarrassed. I mean it’s your best subject and I’m just rubbish at it.”

“Well that’s about to change because I’ll teach you how it’s done,” she said confidently.

He laughed. “Yeah, no doubt you will. Did you have any good dreams?”

“Yes, we were at the park. So that’s where we’re going today.” She got up. “You get dressed and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Sure thing.”

***.*.***

They packed up some snacks in the early afternoon and rode their bikes over. Lily was relieved that the spot under the willow tree was vacant. She spread down an old blanket for them to lounge on. They lay there quietly for a minute, listening to the pretty birdsong and watching the long, trailing branches sway gently in the wind.

“It’s so peaceful,” whispered Remus.

She turned on her side to face him. “I always wanted to come here with you.”

He ran his index finger along her cheek, where a light dusting of freckles appeared every summer without fail. Remus was lucky that he tanned in the sun. His skin was several shades darker than hers now. Lily touched the downy golden hair on his forearms. He was impossibly handsome. _Like the sun god, Apollo,_ she mused, smiling.

“What are you thinking about?”

She told him and he gave an embarrassed laugh. Remus wasn’t good with compliments. Lily supposed he still felt like that small, sickly boy inside, but he was stronger now. The illness was only evident a few days before the full moon and a few days after. About a week… the same amount of time as a woman’s period. It was almost uncanny how many symptoms the two “monthly curses” shared with each other: hormonal imbalances, body and headaches, sleeplessness, lack of appetite and energy. Transforming into a werewolf surely amplified the pain of cramps a hundred-fold though.

Lily continued to stroke his arm. “I received a note from Damocles Belby a few days ago. He said the research is going well.”

He smiled. “Yeah? That’s awesome!”

“I know. It’s in the preliminary stages right now, but I truly believe that he’ll come up with something, Remus. I just have a good feeling in my heart, and it's not wishful thinking either. I can’t really describe how I know, but I do."

His hand dropped down to her waist and she moved closer to him. “Have you become a Seer all of a sudden?”

She returned his smile. “I dunno, perhaps I have.”

He kissed her long and slow, making her dizzy with longing. Her peasant top had ridden up, and she could feel his hot fingertips on the bare skin at her waist. Lily wasn’t sure how long their snogging session lasted, but they were both breathless and euphoric by the end of it.

Remus rose from his reclining position. “I think we need a distraction.” He started to pick some small daisies. When he collected enough of them, he asked her to sit up. She did so with a smile. Remus took her braid in his left hand, and with his right, began to thread the flower stems into her hair. “Beautiful… like the goddess Flora.”

Lily gave him a chaste kiss. “Should we have some food now?”

He nodded. She unpacked two thermoses of iced tea and a container of strawberry scones from her tote bag. They leaned against the tree trunk while they ate. It was a perfect, blissful day.

***.*.***

Remus and Lily sat on the porch in the early morning; blankets draped around their shoulders, and hands wrapped around warm cups of coffee. A barn owl appeared out of the mist, landing on the railing in front of them. Lily retrieved two letters – and surprisingly enough – one was addressed to him.

“Oh my god, Remus, do you know what these are?!”

They lifted the wax seals to find Gryffindor Prefect badges inside.

“I knew you’d get it, but I wasn’t expecting one,” he told her. “I had a detention last term.”

“That isn’t a big deal. You deserve this badge just as much as I do. Let’s pin them on! Mum and dad will be so proud of us.”

Remus smiled as he imagined the faces of his own parents once they found out. Being a Prefect was a lot of responsibility, but he would do his best to be a good one. Professor Dumbledore was giving him another opportunity. _I won’t let him down._

The doorbell rang after lunch. Lily returned with Severus Snape, who looked very annoyed at finding him there. “Sev is a Prefect too! Hang out with Remus while I get some snacks.”

Snape was forced to sit on the other side of the couch because Lumos was occupying the armchair. Remus glanced over at the surly boy. “Congratulations on getting Prefect.”

“Thanks, you too.” Awkward silence. “Have you been here long?”

“Yeah, since earlier this week.”

Snape pointed to his Led Zeppelin t-shirt. “I like Pink Floyd better. Dark Side of the Moon is a good album.”

Remus may have been imagining it, but he thought there was a knowing look in his eyes when he said “moon.”

Lily came back in carrying a tray of lemonade and shortbread cookies. She placed it on the coffee table and sat down between them. Lily chatted excitedly about the perks that went along with being a Prefect. Snape didn’t say too much, and then he left after drinking his glass of lemonade.

“He wasn’t that unsociable with Lena,” Lily said when they heard the front door close.

“It’s fine. Two of my friends used to bully him after all.”

She frowned. “But you didn’t, so Sev shouldn’t hold that against you. I’ll talk to him about it.”

“Lily, please don’t. He’d probably get angry if you brought it up. I’ll see him around more often now. Maybe he’ll change his mind about me on his own.”

“Alright… but if he’s ever rude, I will say something to him.”

Remus hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

***.*.***

Steady rain showers on the following day kept them indoors. Remus and Lily took advantage of the gloomy weather by doing some homework at the kitchen table. They finished their Runic translations and an essay for Care of Magical Creatures.

Lily closed her Charms textbook. “I’m tired. Want to take a nap upstairs for a bit?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

It was chilly inside her bedroom, so they burrowed under the quilt. Only one day remained for them. “I don’t want you to leave,” she said, tracing his jawbone. “Should I ask my parents to let you stay for another week?”

“No, I don’t want to impose. Your parents like me right now and I want to keep it that way, you know?”

She chewed on her bottom lip. “I guess I’m just being a baby about it.”

He pressed a kiss to her palm, making her body tingle pleasantly.

“Then I must be a baby too because I’d be with you all the time if I could.”

Lily smiled. “Really?”

“Yes, love. Never doubt it.”

They kissed for a little while. Then Lily turned the other way so he could curl himself around her. Napping together at Hogwarts was nice, although not always relaxing due to the lack of privacy. Being in her own room brought a contentment that she would miss once they returned to school. With Remus’ warm chest at her back, Lily drifted off to the soothing patter of raindrops.

 

* * *

\- 9 -

**Confrontation**

_Fifth-Year_

***.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily and Remus went into the large Prefect carriage on the train. She locked eyes with Severus and gave him a little smile, but said nothing because he was sitting with the other Slytherins. Every house was clustered together that way, which she found disappointing as she knew the fifth-year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. She said hello to them before joining the older Gryffindor students.

The Head Boy and Girl arrived within five minutes. They explained the rules for patrolling and point taking for the new Prefects. “One thing we’ll be doing differently this year is going on rounds with other houses,” the Ravenclaw Head Girl explained.

“Professor Dumbledore was adamant that inter-house cooperation is imperative in light of the current issues regarding blood status.” The Gryffindor Head Boy tried not to let his eyes drift over to the Slytherins when he said this. “If any problems are reported, the punishment could be severe. So get along unless you want to lose your badge and the privileges that go along with it.”

They patrolled for about ten minutes until the temptation of talking with their friends became too great. Remus bent down to give Lily a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

As soon as he opened the compartment door, Sirius started in on him. “Don’t think you can give us detentions just because you have that badge, Moony.”

Remus plopped down beside Peter. “I wouldn’t even attempt it.”

“You’d better not,” James added with a grin.

“No worries there,” he replied, reaching for a chocolate frog. Remus told them about the ‘inter-house cooperation’ rounds.

“Same years or mixed grades?” asked Peter.

“Same years. I don’t mind anyone… well, except for Snape. I know he’s Lily’s friend, but I can tell he doesn’t like me.”

A fierce expression crossed James’ face. “That greasy git better not start anything with you.”

“We’ll put him in his place if he does,” Sirius promised.

“Thanks, but I can handle it.” Remus wouldn’t be making any complaints. He loved his friends, but they could take things too far sometimes.

***.*.***

Remus got paired up with Snape at the beginning of October. They would only be patrolling for an hour, but he dreaded it all the same. Remus tried to keep the conversation going by bringing up O.W.L coursework. “Do you know what you want to do after Hogwarts?” he asked.

“Potioneer. What about you?”

“I don’t really know. My best subjects are Charms and Defense, so probably something relating to those.”

“You might have difficulty finding a job,” Snape said.

His casual tone caught him off guard. “What do you mean?” asked Remus, pulse racing.

“Don't play stupid with me.” He sneered. “How Lily can overlook your  _condition_  is beyond me. We both know that a creature like you isn’t good enough for her.”

Remus often thought the same thing, but hearing his inner fears spoken aloud felt a thousand times worse. The suddenly hostile situation caused Remus to speak without thinking. “Sounds to me like you’re jealous. We both know that you’re in love with Lily, after all.”

Snape moved so fast that he didn't even have time to react. Remus was slammed against the wall with a knock back jinx. “Don’t say another word,” he hissed, holding his wand to Remus’ throat.

He tried to reach for his own wand, but Snape delivered a stinging hex to his hand. _What am I doing? I don’t need magic to defend myself!_ Remus punched him in the stomach. Then he used Expelliarmus to disarm Snape while he was doubled over in pain.

“Of course you’d play dirty,” he gasped.

“You’re the one who attacked me! Look, I understand why you hate me. No one could be close to Lily without falling for her. And if your friendship was anything like mine, then she surely made you feel special and accepted. I’d probably hate you too if the situation was reversed.”

“Just shut up, Lupin.” He straightened up to glare at him. “This isn’t about me being jealous, it’s about you ruining Lily’s life!”

Remus frowned. “How am I going to ruin it?”

“Oh come on, I’m sure you’ve thought about marrying her someday. What if you passed your taint onto your kids? And if anyone found out about you, she’d be an outcast too. Maybe you should think logically about this instead of being so bloody selfish!” Snape found his wand a few yards away and snatched it up. “If you care about Lily, don’t drag her down with you. She’s a brilliant witch who deserves a great future.” And with that, he stalked off in the opposite direction.

Remus leaned his back against the stone wall, sliding down until he reached the cold floor. He rested his forehead on his knees.  _Snape’s right… what the hell am I doing?_

***.*.***

Lily could tell that Remus was not himself on the following morning. He seemed depressed and his eyes were shadowed with dark circles. Lily suggested they go down to the lake during the afternoon free period. She held his hand as they walked across the lawns, but he didn’t thread their fingers together as he usually did. Remus was clearly upset about something.

“Okay, what’s going on?” she asked as they sat underneath a tree. “Why didn’t you get any sleep last night?”

“I was worrying about my assignments,” Remus replied, looking away from her. “I have three essays to finish by the end of the week.”

“Honey, I know that isn’t why. What did Sev say to you?”

He hesitated for a moment. “I’d rather not get into it.”

“Please, Remus. I think I can guess, but I want to hear it from you before I talk to him.”

He nervously started pulling up handfuls of grass. “Lily, can you just leave it alone?”

“No, I can’t. It’s obviously bothering you quite a lot, and if Sev was rude to you, I need to know about it.”

Remus gave in after that, and spoke to the ground as he recounted what had occurred. “Snape’s right you know – I am being selfish. I’ll ruin your life,” he said, voice shaking.

“No, you won’t!” Lily put her hands on his shoulders so he would look at her. “God, Remus, the only way you could ruin my life is by breaking up with me. I told you before that I’ll always love you. I thought you felt the same?”

“I do, Lily, but how can I stay with you when I’ll just become a burden? I’m only a shackle holding you back.”

“Stop it right now, that isn’t true!”

His eyes were full of pain. “What if I can’t get a decent job after Hogwarts? What good will I be if I can’t provide any financial support? Plus, you’d have to take care of me every month on top of that, so I would be a burden. And if we had a kid who was born a werewolf, I’d never be able to live with myself!” Remus wiped away the tears before they could fall down his cheeks. “I don’t think I can do this.”

Lily pulled him into a hug. “Remus, I know you’re scared about the future, but those awful things aren’t going to happen. Taking care of you when you’re ill isn’t a burden – it’s something I want to do because I love you. And I know that when I don’t feel well, you’ll take care of me too. That’s how relationships work.” She took in a shaky breath. “What Severus said was so unbelievably wrong. We can’t let that kind of bigotry affect us. We have to fight through it, okay?”

He made a noise of agreement. She held him for a minute longer before pulling away. His tear-stained face broke her heart. Lily hated that Severus had hurt him so deeply.

“I’d better clean myself up. I can’t go to class like this.”

She gave him a gentle kiss. “Alright. I’ll see you later then.”

While Remus headed for the castle, Lily walked towards the Owlery to send a letter.

_Sev— meet me in the second classroom on the fourth floor at 8:45 this evening. If you choose not to show up, I will march over to the Slytherin table tomorrow and make a scene. I’m sure you don’t want that. –L_

***.*.***

Severus arrived with a guilty expression. Lily started yelling at him right away. “How dare you say all of those vile things to Remus last night! Do you have any idea the damage you’ve caused?”

“I was only trying to help,” he said in a defensive tone. “Do you really want to have a werewolf baby? Be sensible about this, Lily!”

She was so furious that she nearly hexed him. “Werewolves are not born, they are created through violence. Our children would be completely fine!”

“But you don’t know that for certain. There haven’t been any documented cases of interbreeding. And did you know that if two transformed werewolves mate during the full moon, the female will give birth to a litter of pups? Have you actually come to terms with what Remus is?”

“Yes, I have! He is a person with a one-night curse. Witches and wizards can transfigure themselves into animals, yet no one says they’ve lost their humanity,” she shot back.

“That’s because they keep their minds. Lupin becomes a savage beast. If you crossed his path while he was a werewolf, he would attack you! Don’t tell me that doesn’t frighten you, Lily.”

“Of course it does, but he locks himself up. And a Potioneer is currently working on developing an antidote for their temporary madness.”

He narrowed his dark eyes. “How do you know?”

“Because it was my idea. Slughorn put me into contact with a former student of his. If he succeeds, werewolves won’t be as dangerous anymore. They’ll have a better life.”

“That’s a big if, Lily.”

“Well it’s something at least!”

He paused briefly. “I probably didn’t go about it the right way, but I said what I did because I’m worried. I only want what’s best for you.”

“Don’t you dare pull that condescending excuse! I know perfectly well what is best for me. You had no right to say any of that to him! I thought you’d have more sympathy for his situation, but I guess I was wrong about you.” She wiped angry tears from her eyes. “You’re just as cruel and prejudiced as everyone else!”

“I’m sorry, Lily.” He exhaled. “I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Tell Remus that.”

“Alright. Just please forgive me.”

“I will if you talk to him. Sev, you’re my oldest friend. That’s why I’m so upset. I thought you’d be on my side – that you’d understand how important Remus is to me.”

“I do understand,” he said softly.

“Then why did you do it?”

He met her eyes. “Because I love you.”

The admission did not come as a surprise. Deep down, Lily had always known about his one-sided feelings. “That isn’t a valid reason to hurt someone who I love.”

“I know… it’s only an excuse for my behavior, and I regret it now.”

She gave his arm a push. “Good. You should regret it.”

“Lily, I don’t want to lose our friendship,” he said after a moment.

“Neither do I, but it will have to end if you can’t accept Remus. You know that, right?”

He nodded. “It may take some time, but I’ll try to accept him for you.”

***.*.***

Remus stared into the fire while he waited for Lily to return. He hadn’t wanted her to go. Sitting there made him feel helpless and pathetic. _I should have hidden it better… I shouldn’t have let Lily know that he got to me._ Remus knew that Snape was just the catalyst. His insecurities had always been there – lying dormant – and waiting to be resurrected. Self-loathing wasn’t easy to conquer.

He raised his eyes to see Lily approaching. She gave him a tired smile and sat across his lap, with her legs thrown over the side of the armchair. She snuggled into him. The few people in the common room grumbled their annoyance at having to witness a display of affection.

His fears were still there, but Lily’s presence brought him comfort. _Perhaps things won’t be as difficult if we’re together._ Remus needed optimistic thoughts to keep him strong. He recalled Lily’s words at the lake. No matter what the future had in store, they would fight through it.

 

* * *

\- 10 -

**Freedom**

_Winter 1976_

***.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily was already waiting for him in the clock tower courtyard. Remus’ stomach did an anxious somersault when she smiled at him. _I doubt her good mood will last once she hears what I have to say._

He plopped down on the stone bench and kissed her windblown cheek. “Ah, you’re freezing! Sorry for being late. I stopped by the kitchens.” He handed her a thermos of coffee and an apple-cinnamon pasty fresh from the oven. “Hopefully this will warm you up.”

Lily gave an exclamation of delight as she bit into it. “Thanks, Remus.” She focused her gaze on him after she finished chewing. “So, what do you have to tell me that’s so unpleasant?”

He slopped some coffee onto his glove. “Errr, what makes you think that?”

“One, you asked to meet outside when it’s freezing. Two, you brought my favorite snack. And three, you have a guilty expression on your face.”

Remus took a sip to settle his nerves. He exhaled slowly and looked at her. “The thing is... umm, Peter, James, and Sirius sort of became Animagi for me.”

Her green eyes widened in shock. “How? That's advanced magic! And you have to be registered!”

“Yeah, I know. I was just as surprised when they told me a few days ago. They kept it a secret for years… you know, just in case it didn’t work out.” Remus looked at her. “But it did, and now they want to keep me company when I transform.”

“Because you aren’t a danger to other animals,” she stated with a pained expression.

“Yes. I’m sorry you weren’t included in this, Lily. They didn’t think you’d go for breaking the rules, but I told them you would have.” Remus kept their “boy’s night” comment to himself. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like an outsider.

Lily’s breath plumed out as she sighed. “Well, there’s nothing to be done about it now. I’ll learn how to become an Animagus from Professor McGonagall next year. I know she teaches the theory in Advanced Transfiguration.”

His anxiety dissipated at her words. “Really? Then you’re not upset?”

“Oh, I am, but not at you.” A gust of wind made her shiver. “Let’s go back inside.”

Remus quickly packed up the thermoses. He put his arm around her as they hurried across the courtyard. When they reached the castle entrance, Remus stopped on the step below her – putting them at eye level. “Thank you for being so understanding. What they did… well, it really means a lot to me.”

Lily tucked some stray pieces of hair behind his ears and smiled. “I know it does, sweetie. And I’m grateful they’ve done something to make it better for you, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous about it.”

Remus nodded. “Let me try to make it up to you. Name anything you want and it’s yours.”

She gave him a sly smile. “Hmm, now that you mention it, I would like that big box of Valentine chocolates from Honeydukes.”

He laughed. “I was going to get you one anyway.” Remus also planned on sending her a red rose through the school owl post. They were offering the service for two sickles this year.

“Then how about a new book from Tomes & Scrolls?”

“Sure thing. And I’ll even throw in a date at Madame Puddifoot’s for good measure.”

“But you hate it there!”

Remus shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I’ll go for you.”

Her lips tasted like cinnamon when she kissed him. “We have some time until our next class,” she murmured. Lily’s soft fingers at the nape of his neck sent a tremble through his body that had nothing to do with the winter chill.

Her sentence was code for: _‘Let's find an empty corridor and snog until we're breathless_.’ Remus smiled into her playful eyes. “Lead the way, I’m right behind you.”

***.*.***

Clover the house elf greeted Lily when she entered the kitchens on an evening in early March. “Hello Miss Evans! The young masters are waiting by the fire.” She held up a tray with hot cocoa. “Clover has prepared a drink for you!”

Lily accepted the blue mug with a smile. “Thank you, Clover. You’re always so sweet when I come to visit.”

The house elf beamed up at her. “Clover is very happy to be of service! And how has Mister Lupin been?”

“He’s doing well. Remus’ sixteenth birthday is next week. That’s why we’re meeting here – to plan the party.”

“Yes, miss, Clover knows,” she replied excitedly. “Mister Black wants Clover to bake the chocolate cake!”

The house elf led her over to the long table. James, Peter, and Sirius were lounging in their chairs, eating Cauldron Cakes, and drinking tall glasses of Butterbeer. Lily said hello as she sat down beside Peter. Being alone with them felt a little awkward. And she still hadn’t forgiven them for excluding her.

Lily was reaching for a cake when James said: “Evans, we know you’re still miffed about the Animagi thing, but we didn’t think you’d agree to it.”

She glared across the table at him. “That shows how little you know me, Potter.”

“Well whose fault is that?” he shot back. “Maybe if you had hung out with us more, we wouldn’t have thought twice about asking you!”

Lily’s face burned at his words. She opened her mouth to tell him off, but Sirius spoke first. “Cool it, Prongs. You’re not helping matters.” He brushed the dark hair from his eyes. “We are sorry about it, Lily. It was wrong not to ask you – especially after you became Moony’s girlfriend.”

“Yeah we’d take it back if we could,” added Peter. “We want to make amends by letting you in on our plans. Well, to ask your permission that is, since you can’t go and all.”

Sirius heaved an exasperated sigh. “Real smooth, Wormtail. I should have spoken to Lily myself without you two insensitive louts here to ruin it.”

“Uh, sorry Lily,” Peter squeaked. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worse.”

“I doubt I could feel any worse about it.” She took a bite of the Cauldron Cake. “So, what’s this plan of yours?”

“We want to take Remus outside on the full moon,” James answered bluntly.

Lily inhaled a crumb and went into a coughing fit. Peter pounded her on the back. “Are you completely mental?!” she gasped, eyes streaming.

“Just hear us out for a second,” Sirius said in a reasoning tone. “Moony was better in the shack with us, but he has too much energy for that small space. He needs to be able to run around freely.”

James met her eyes. “This is your chance to prove yourself to us. Do you honestly think imprisoning him is the answer?”

“No.” Her voice wavered. “I hate seeing Remus in so much pain. I only want him to be happy.”

“Then you know this is for the best.”

She nodded. “Just promise me that you’ll look after him. Remus would never forgive himself if he attacked someone.”

“You have our word that nothing will go wrong,” Sirius swore.

But a tight knot of dread had already formed in her stomach.

***.*.***

Lily knocked on Remus’ door an hour and a half before moonrise. Sirius pulled it open, gave her a smirk, and said, “Come on lads. Let’s give Moony and his flower a few minutes alone.”

Remus was lounging on his bed, back propped up with pillows. He gave her a wan smile as she sat on the mattress. Lily placed her hand on his feverish forehead. “That feels nice,” he sighed.

“I won’t keep you long. I know you need to get down to the hospital wing.”

He pressed his lips to her palm. “I’d rather you stay for a bit. We missed our nap today.” They always snuggled together before the full moon, but that was pushed aside for last minute planning.

“We’ll get back to our routine next month,” she replied, laying down beside him. “Are you excited?”

He nodded. “And scared. What if I go crazy and they can’t control me?”

She looked into his eyes. “That won’t happen. They’ll have their wands with them.” Lily wasn’t about to admit that she was just as fearful.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do this, Lily. Hanging out in the shack was good enough. If Dumbledore finds out that I betrayed his trust by doing something so reckless… well, even if he didn’t expel me, I’d have to leave.” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “I’m risking everything, and I don’t know if a night of freedom is worth it. Please tell me what I should do.”

This was it. The moment to say: ‘ _Don’t go. Stay where it’s safe.’_ But she couldn’t do it. Lily placed her hand over his heart. “Remus, this is your chance to have some fun. I can’t ask you to wait on the potion because it could be years still. You need this now.” She exhaled. “I only wish I was going too.”

The worry line softened between his brows. “So do I, but you will someday.”

“I hope I can learn it…”

He gave her an amused smile. “Lily, you’re the most brilliant witch in our grade – of course you can. The only question is what animal you’ll become.”

“What if I end up as a reptile? And all I can do is slither or hop?”

Remus laughed. “Then I’ll hang a pouch around my neck to put you in.”

She burst into giggles at the image. “Oh god, that would be awful. I better end up as a mammal or a bird.” And just like that, the mood had shifted. “You’re going to have such a good time. I’ll wait up in the common room to hear all about it.”

“Why not stay in my bed tonight? You’ll be more comfortable.”

“Okay.”

Remus’ lips were hot against hers. “Will you visit me tomorrow?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I will first thing.” She leaned her forehead against his. “It’s time to leave now. Your fever is worse.”

“Yeah… I am feeling a little dizzy.”

Lily helped him up from the bed and walked him to the door. She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I love you,” she murmured into his chest.

Remus stroked her hair. “I love you too.” He held her a few heartbeats longer before pulling away.

When he opened the door, his mates were waiting on the landing with big grins on their faces. Sirius slung an arm around his shoulder. “So how do you feel about us then?”

“I hope you love us too, because we adore our Moonykins,” James crooned, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“What the hell Prongs?!”

“Godric’s balls, you’re burning up! Best get you down to the hospital wing. Wave goodbye to your gingersnap.”

“How can I with you lot hanging on me?!”

“Now, now, Moony, is that the kind of tone to use with your beloved saviors?” scolded Sirius as they dragged him down the spiral staircase. Lily smiled as she watched them go. Remus really did have the most caring friends in the world.

***.*.***

Moony raised his snout and took in a deep breath of sharp, cold air. The scent of freedom was intoxicating. Padfoot gave a bark as he ran ahead. Moony sped after the black dog; primal excitement surging through his body. He reveled in the powerful flex of his muscles as he raced across the damp grass. Prongs bounded gracefully beside him. He spotted Wormtail’s head peeking out of a bag around the stag’s neck. Something about the situation seemed familiar, although he couldn’t recall why.

The rich scent of earth and pine trees invaded his nostrils when they got inside the forest. Padfoot communicated by yipping playfully. Moony tried to reply, but it came out as more of a strangled whine. When they reached a clearing bathed in moonlight, the wolf was finally able to unleash his voice. He tipped his head towards the night sky and let out a long, low howl. A tingle of euphoria passed down his spine, setting his fur on end. Moony called out again in celebration.

***.*.***

Lily waited until her roommates were asleep before sneaking downstairs. Lumos was curled up on his favorite armchair in the common room. He blinked sleepily at her as she stopped to pet him. “Want to come with me?” Her cat gave a funny meow as he arched his back in a stretch. She laughed. “I suppose that’s a yes.”

The wall sconces lit up when she entered the tower room. Lily walked over to Remus’ bed and exchanged her dressing robe for his discarded jumper. The sleeves were so long on her that she had to roll them up a few times.

She climbed under his rumpled covers and lost herself in the pages of **_I Capture the Castle._** Lily stopped reading only when Lumos patted her face with his paw. “Oh alright,” she said, lifting up the blanket for him. He settled himself in the warm space behind her knees. Moving was impossible now, but she didn’t mind. Lily was glad of the company. She fell into a fitful sleep sometime after 3 AM.

The squeaky door hinge roused her awake at dawn. Lily knocked the paperback onto the floor as she sat up. “How was it? Did everything go okay?”

“Sure did.” Sirius bent to pick up her book. “Moony was like a playful pup.”

“He even howled at the moon!” Peter said with a laugh.

Lily smiled as she imagined it. “I’m so glad. I’ll go and see him now.” She climbed carefully out of bed and pulled on her dressing robe. “Thank you for doing this. Really.”

“It was our pleasure. I’ve never had so much fun in my life.” Sirius looked over at her. “Moony told us that you’re going to take Advanced Transfiguration. We can help you get a head start if you like.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I have to learn it on my own. No shortcuts.”

James flopped back on his bed. “Don’t be so stubborn, Evans.”

“It’s not stubbornness,” she insisted. “I want to work hard for Remus – just like all of you did.”

Peter nodded. “I get it. I think that’s nice, Lily.”

“Well if you change your mind, let us know,” Sirius said through a yawn.

“I will. Goodnight then.” She left the door open a crack for Lumos to get out later.

***.*.***

Madame Pomfrey gave a cheerful “Good morning!” when she arrived at the hospital wing. Lily returned the greeting and asked about Remus.

“He’s doing remarkably well. Mr. Lupin didn’t have as many injuries for me to heal this time around.”

Lily grinned at the news. “That’s great!”

“It is indeed, but I find it rather curious.” She gazed at her intently. “I wonder what the cause could be.”

“I'm not sure.” She chewed her lip, trying to think of an excuse to give. “Perhaps it’s because he’s getting older now?”

“I suppose that could be possible.” But she didn’t look convinced.

“Would it be alright if I stay here this morning?”

"Yes, that's fine. You're looking a little peaky yourself."

“I never sleep well on the night of the full moon.”

“That’s understandable, dear,” Madame Pomfrey said sympathetically. “Shall I bring you a sleeping draught?”

“No, I won’t need it. I can rest without worrying now.”

A shaft of pale sunlight shone down on Remus, making him look almost angelic. Lily touched her lips to his forehead. “Good morning,” she said when he opened his eyes. “I hear you had a lot of fun.”

He gave her a tired smile. “I did. For the first time in my life, I didn’t hate being what I am.” Lily let the happy tears slip down her cheeks. Remus brushed them away with his fingertips. “Stay with me?”

She nodded and turned around to push back the neighboring divider. Lily wheeled the other bed right next to his. “I hope Madame Pomfrey won’t mind,” she said, climbing under the covers.

“She won’t.” Remus reached for her hand once she was facing him. “I can’t wait for you to come with us... to experience that same freedom,” he whispered.

“Me too,” she replied, smiling. And when Lily drifted into a peaceful sleep, she dreamt of running on four legs beside him.


	2. Part 2: Experience

 

* * *

 - 11 -

**Desire**

_Summer Holidays_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Remus and Lily climbed on the bus heading to Cornwall, choosing the private seats at the back. They could have taken the Knight Bus, but neither one wanted to be nauseated on their first overnight holiday together. Their parents didn’t know anything about it of course. James was covering for him, and Lily had told her parents that she was staying with Marlene.

They spent the ride snogging and catching up with each other. Remus had taken a job at a bookshop to pay for the trip, while Lily had been assisting Damocles Belby.

“The breakthrough ingredient is the aconite flower. It’s poisonous, so getting the dosing right is going to be tricky, but Mr. Belby thinks he’ll have a potion for you to try next year! Isn’t that fantastic?”

He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Sure is. Thank you for working so hard on this, Lily.”

“Sev has been helping us too. He says it’s to further his career, but he’s also doing it for you.”

Remus knew that if he was doing it for anyone, it was strictly for Lily. But that was alright with him. They both wanted the same thing: to keep Lily safe. That made them allies in a way even though they weren’t friends, and probably never would be.

“I’ll have to thank him once we’re back at school.”

“And do you know what else? Lena told me that she fancies Sev.”

His eyes widened. Marlene McKinnon and Severus Snape were opposites in every way. He couldn’t think of a less likely pair. “Well, that’s a surprise.”

“It isn’t to me. The three of us always hang out every summer. I was starting to suspect it last year when he was helping her with Potions.”

“Is she going to ask him out?”

“I think so. She’s nervous about it, but I can tell that he likes her too. They’d have to keep their relationship a secret, which is a pretty big concern though. I hope they can make it work.” Lily traced her fingers over the palm of his hand. “It would be good if Sev could get over me.”

“If I were Snape, I’d never be able to get over you.”

Her green eyes met his. “You’d stay single for the rest of your life?”

“Yes. I could never love anyone the way I love you.” He was speaking purely as himself now.

Lily smiled. “I wouldn’t be able to either.”

Remus hunched down in his chair so he could kiss her. She nestled into his side. “I need to close my eyes for a bit. I was too excited to sleep last night.”

He hadn’t got much sleep either. His mind had been too preoccupied with advice from Sirius on what to do. Asking him about sex had been humiliating, but Remus needed to know for Lily. He didn’t want to do anything wrong, or end up hurting her.

He remembered back to something Sirius had said: “Look, if you’re that worried, then let Lily make the first move. She’s the assertive type. And, you know, ask if she likes something or not. Don’t overthink this, alright?” He slapped him on the back. “Just have fun!” And Remus was sure it would be fun while it was happening, but the lead up made him anxious. Because overthinking was what he did, and Sirius telling him not to couldn’t change that.

Within minutes, Lily was asleep. The knot in his stomach began to relax. Remus found himself matching her steady, even breaths when he closed his eyes. And then he realized something: _I’m with Lily… I don’t have to be nervous. We’ll figure this out together._

***.*.***

They checked into their B&B in Polzeath – dropping their bags off before heading back out to get something to eat. The town was easy to navigate, and the friendly locals told them about must-see places. The lady at the Cornish pasty shop recommended they walk along the coastal path to Daymer Bay because it was a more secluded beach. The idea appealed to Remus who wasn’t too keen on his scars being stared at by loads of people.

“Should we go swimming today?” Lily asked as they walked down the street.

“Sure. Let’s wait at least an hour to settle our stomachs though.”

They went into shops and bought little things for each other and for their friends. Then the two of them headed back to the B&B to change into their bathing suits.

“You stay in here,” Remus said, getting his swimming shorts out of his bag. “I’ll go to the bathroom down the hall. Meet me in the sitting room when you’re ready.”

Lily came downstairs ten minutes later wearing a white eyelet sundress and a light blue jean jacket. Her long hair was drawn into a knot on the top of her head. Remus offered to carry her macramé tote-bag.

“You aren’t embarrassed to carry it?”

“No, but I would be if James or Sirius were here.”

She handed it over. “Thank the gods they aren’t. That would definitely ruin the mood.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I know.” For the very first time, him and Lily were completely alone. No one they knew was going to interrupt anything. His stomach fluttered at the thought.

The coastal path was breathtaking. The azure water and the sound of crashing waves had an unreality about it. Neither of them had ever seen such gorgeous scenery before. The Scottish Highlands were certainly majestic, but the misty mountains gave off a melancholy atmosphere. Cornwall, on the other hand, was pure happiness. It was the kind of place that made you feel more alive just for being there. Remus glanced over at Lily. Her awestruck smile told him that she was experiencing the same feeling.

A handful of people were already at Daymer Bay when they arrived, but there was plenty of room for everyone. They spread their blanket out near a sandy dune.

Remus’ heart about stopped when Lily took off her sundress. He had felt the curves of her body during their many snogging sessions, but he had never seen them on display before. The string bikini showed off her hourglass waist and full breasts. For such a petite girl (she wasn’t even 5 foot 3 inches tall), her legs were surprisingly long.

“Do you like my bikini?” she asked with a smile.

He knew he was blushing. “Uh, yes, I do. Very much.”

She poked him in the arm. “Well give me something to look at too.”

Remus didn’t think his body was anything special, but he had been doing sit-ups to make his abs more defined. He stepped out of his jeans first. After glancing around to make sure the few people on the beach weren’t looking at him, he lifted his T-shirt over his head. Lily had seen his scars before, but that had been in a dim room, and they looked so much worse in the sunlight. Remus placed his hand over it self-consciously.

Lily pulled his hand away. “Don’t worry about it.” She sat down on the blanket and patted the spot beside her. “Will you put sunscreen on my back?”

“Sure,” he replied, accepting the bottle from her outstretched hand.

Lily draped a towel around her chest. “Untie my top too that way you can cover my whole back. I’ll get burned otherwise.”

Remus took his time rubbing it into her fair skin. Lily let out a trembling sigh when he pressed his lips to the nape of her neck. She had always been very sensitive there. Remus smiled as he tied her bikini top back on. “There… you”re all ready to go swimming.”

Lily got her revenge once they were in the water. She wrapped those legs of hers around his waist and pressed herself against him; eyes shining playfully as she kissed him. “Uh, Lily, there are people here so let’s save this for tonight, yeah?” he said, attempting to disentangle himself from her. “Please stop that wiggling or you might kill me.”

“Are you getting turned on?” she whispered next to his ear.

He groaned. “Meanie. You already know I am.”

Lily gave him a seductive smirk. “Sorry, Remus. I couldn’t resist.” She released him from her hold and said, “I'll behave myself now. Let’s see who can swim faster!”

They were well matched, but Lily had the slight edge on him. She was a natural in the water. They stayed inside for about fifteen minutes.

“You know, your bum looks great in those shorts,” Lily said as they walked over to their blanket.

Remus let out an embarrassed laugh. “Really? Must be from riding my bike to work every day.” But he felt pleased at the compliment.

They toweled each other off before laying down. Lily untied her hair to let it dry. Remus noticed that she had tiny beauty marks scattered across her midsection like constellations. She giggled as he traced his fingers over them.

“Oh, are you ticklish here? That’s good to know.” He fully intended to kiss those spots later that night.

Remus rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. They lay quietly beside each other, soaking up the warm sun. After a while, he glanced over at Lily. The sunlight had transformed her auburn hair into coppery-red waves.

Remus propped himself up on his elbow. “You’re so beautiful,” he said softly.

She smiled without opening her eyes. “You are too.”

“No, I’m not.”

Lily looked over at him. “Trust me, Remus, you’re gorgeous.” She took his hand in hers. “I told you before, didn’t I? That you’re my Apollo.”

Remus had to smile about that. _Someone like me… being compared to the sun._ Lily had always represented the sunlight. _But maybe that’s what love is: being miniature suns to each other._

***.*.***

Lily lit the candles she had brought from home while Remus was in the shower. She took off her kimono robe and walked over to the window in her pale green nightie. The sea breeze cooled her flushed cheeks. Lily gazed up at the crescent moon. The door opened, but she remained where she was. And then, Remus was standing behind her, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“The waning crescent is my favorite because it’s right before the new moon. It’s when I feel my best.” Lily latched the window and led him over to the bed. “Want me to lay down first?”

She nodded. For a moment, Lily just stared down at him. His scars looked golden under the candlelight. She leaned down to press her lips to them. She moved to the other side of his chest and kissed the spot just over his heart. It was racing as fast as her own. Lily lowered her body on top of his. They lay there, just holding each other for a long while. She could feel his erection through his boxers, but he didn’t make a move. Lily knew that he was letting her take the lead and she appreciated his consideration.

She ran her fingers down the lightly defined muscles of his abdomen. He gasped when she touched the skin just under his waistband. They had never done anything without the barrier of clothing before. She straddled him while lifting the nightgown over her head. Remus sat up, slipped his arms around her back, and pulled her onto his lap. Like with swimming earlier, Lily wrapped her legs around his waist as they exchanged heated kisses. After a while, she found herself laying on her back with Remus trailing his lips and tongue down her body. Lily throbbed with desire.

His fingers paused at her panties. “Can I take them off?”

“Yes.”

The sensations Lily experienced afterwards were so intense that she felt as though she were drowning. But she let the waves engulf her – making noises that she didn’t even know she could make. Lily closed her eyes during the peak of it. And then she was floating in a foggy haze of pure bliss. She could feel Remus hovering over her now. The pupils of his eyes were so large that she could hardly see his irises. He wanted her, and he was waiting for her to tell him that she was ready. Lily didn’t know if she could speak at this point, so she removed his boxers and guided him inside of her.

Intercourse was not as pleasurable for her as it was for him, but he was gentle, and he went slowly. Remus let out a long moan and collapsed on top of her. Lily held him –taking in the delightful feeling of his sweat-beaded skin on hers – and his hot breath against her chest.

Once his heart rate slowed, he raised his head and asked if she was alright. She pushed the damp hair from his brow. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Am I too heavy for you? Why don’t you lay on me instead?”

Lily pulled the sheet over them as they switched positions. She gave him a soft kiss.

“Gods, that was everything I imagined it would be,” he admitted.

But it was far more than Lily could have imagined. “Who told you how to do those things?”

He chuckled. “Sirius. Guess he gave me good advice this time, huh?”

She grinned. “He did, but don’t tell him I said that. Or anything about what happened tonight.”

“I won’t,” he assured her. “This moment stays between you and me.”

“Good,” she replied, snuggling into him. Remus ran his fingers through her hair. Lily’s eyes closed at the touch. “Mmm, that’s nice.”

He continued to stroke her hair for another minute. “I’m really tired for some reason. I could go to sleep right now.”

“Me too,” she murmured. Lily felt warm and safe and deliriously happy that they had three more nights of intimacy to look forward to.

 

* * *

 - 12 -

**A Secret Place**

_October 1976_

***.*.*.*.***  

* * *

  

The start of sixth-year proved challenging in one area: finding places where they could be alone together. Meeting in empty classrooms at night were hurried affairs, and not at all romantic. The only time they could enjoy themselves was on Saturday morning when Remus’ dormitory was empty thanks to Quidditch practice. They usually had two hours alone, but on this particular morning, they only had one.

Lily was on top of Remus when the door burst open and James stalked in, expression murderous. She quickly ducked under the covers to pull her silk nightgown over her head.

“Prongs, what the hell?! Can’t you even knock?”

James threw his broomstick at the wall. “I’m not gonna knock to get into my own room,” he snarled. “Like two animals in heat, I swear…”

His comment set Lily off, who jumped out of bed and started yelling. “Hey, you’re the one who interrupted us! And don’t get your wand in a knot just because you aren’t shagging anyone!”

James turned a furious shade of red and averted his eyes from Lily’s scantily-clad form. “Oh, believe me, I am! I just know plenty of private places to take them.”

Lily put her hands on her hips. “Is that so? Then why not tell us where they are?”

“Not a chance – find your own shag spots,” he snapped, falling onto his bed face-first.

_What a melodramatic git,_ Remus thought at the same time that Lily shouted: “James Potter, you are such an insufferable toe-rag!” A quote from Shakespeare immediately sprang to mind. ‘Though she be but little, she is fierce.’ Remus nearly laughed aloud.

Sirius entered the room and let out an appreciative whistle. “Looking good, spitfire! You know, Moony, I’m feeling a bit envious of you right now.”

“You’re such a pervert,” she accused, slipping on her dressing robe.

Sirius chuckled and held up his hands. “Guilty as charged.” He looked over at Remus. “Don’t mind Prongs – he’s just in a rotten mood because of his blazing row with the Slytherin captain.”

Remus pulled a T-shirt over his head. “What happened?”

“The usual… interrupting practice just to bait Prongs into a detention. But I held him back and then hexed the prat for good measure.” Sirius grinned wickedly. “Let’s just say he won’t be sitting on a broomstick for a few days.”

He laughed. “Nice one!”

Remus tossed back the covers and joined Lily, who was sitting on the side of the bed. He draped his arm around her back. She gave him a little smile, but he could tell by her body language that she was still angry. _I’ll have to talk to James about his antagonistic attitude towards Lily._ Their mutual animosity was starting to bother him.

“Moony, I know a good place where you and Lily can go.”

That snapped him out of his musings. “Really, where?”

Sirius proceeded to tell them about a room in the seventh-floor corridor that appeared whenever people needed it.

Remus frowned. “I don’t remember a room like that being on the map.”

Sirius reclined on his bed. “Yeah, it isn’t. I figure it’s a castle secret. I only just discovered it last month when Prongs and I needed to hide some banned items from Filch. I’ve brought a girl there a couple times since and nothing beats it for privacy as long as you’re really specific.” He then explained exactly how to access the room.

“Thanks, Padfoot. We’ll try it out later.”

“No problem, mate. I should have told you about it sooner.”

Peter entered the dormitory, carrying a basket full of Butterbeer bottles and delicious cinnamon buns. The snack improved James’ sullen mood enough for them to receive a grumbled apology.

***.*.***

Lily and Remus walked by the stretch of wall three times, imagining the room they needed. Lily closed her eyes and thought: _We need a place where we can be alone together… where no one else can find us. A cozy little flat where we can shut out the world._

“Lily, a door just appeared.”

Remus turned the knob and they stepped inside. She gasped when she spotted the double bed tucked inside a nook lined with bookshelves. Lily plopped down on the pile of knitted blankets, gazing up at the twinkling red and gold fairy lights.

“Was this your idea, Remus?”

“Yeah. I’ve always wanted to sleep in a room surrounded by books.”

“Well you’ve got your wish now. Let’s see if mine have come true!”

They found their way into a kitchenette with an old-fashioned stove and a dining table decorated with small pumpkins of every color. Lily peeked inside the cupboards and was pleased to find them fully stocked with cooking supplies, dishes, and silverware.

“This is exactly what we need to make breakfast tomorrow morning. We’ll have to get the ingredients ourselves though because food is one of the five Principle Exceptions to—”

“Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration,” Remus finished, grinning.

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I’m so glad you pay attention in class. Now, let’s find the last place!”

Lily led the way down a hallway and into a spacious room with a round tub sunk into the floor. It was a smaller version of the Prefects Bathroom: it even had the same kind of bubble taps. She glanced over her shoulder, giving him a sly smile. “I’ve always wanted to take a bath with you.”

He reached for her hand. “I’m certainly looking forward to that.”

“But first, may I suggest continuing where we left off this morning?”

“An excellent idea, Miss Evans – ten points to Gryffindor,” he said in his official Prefect voice.

Lily giggled as she pulled him out of the bathroom and back towards the bed.

***.*.***

Later that night, once they were freshly washed and tucked under the covers, Remus plucked **_The Hound of the Baskervilles_** from the shelf and read a few chapters aloud. Lily drifted off first; steady breaths warming his chest. Remus turned on his side to admire her peaceful expression in the flickering firelight. “I love you, Lily,” he whispered. Her lips formed into a smile as though she had heard him. Within minutes, his own lids began to close, and he fell into a dreamless slumber.

He awoke on Sunday to a sleep-flushed Lily stretched across him like a cat – one leg thrown over his – and a hand resting protectively over his scars. Remus tried not to stir, but she somehow sensed his conscious state and roused herself.

“Good morning,” he greeted, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

She pressed herself against him. “Morning, Remus.”

They took their time and made love slowly. When the couple rose from bed an hour later, Lily was wearing Remus’ flannel shirt instead of her nightgown. She pulled on a pair of knee-socks and padded over to the kitchenette to get out the pots and pans. They had brought back most of the ingredients last night. He summoned a bottle of milk and a dish of butter from the Hogwarts kitchens, while Lily used her wand to light the stove.

“I’ll toast the bread and make the scrambled eggs,” she announced. That left Remus in charge of the hot chocolate and porridge, which he sweetened with a generous helping of cinnamon sugar.

They sat down to eat ten minutes later. A crisp autumn breeze drifted through the open window as shafts of sunshine fell over Lily’s hair. The scene filled Remus with blissful contentment. These were the kind of mornings that he wanted to experience for the rest of his life.

Lily looked up from buttering her toast. “You’re smiling. What are you thinking about?”

“Oh, just that I could get used to this kind of domestic life with you.”

“So could I. This is exactly what I want when we’re married: a cozy cottage with a big bathtub and plenty of books to read.”

His heart skipped a beat. “You want to marry me?”

“Of course I do,” she replied with certainty. “So you better ask me in a few years, Mr. Lupin.”

He grinned. “I’ll be sure to, Miss Evans.”

She paused to take a sip of hot chocolate. “About that… I’d like to hyphenate my name once we’re married. Lily Evans-Lupin. What do you think?”

He nudged her knee under the table. “I think it has a very nice ring to it.”

Lily smiled at him. “Being here makes me feel as though we’re already married.”

“I know, it’s great. We’re definitely coming here every weekend.”

“That goes without saying. I can’t do without you now that I know what living together is like.”

Remus rubbed his foot against hers. “How are we going to get through the other five nights in our dormitories?”

“Well, I always imagine you there beside me. And if we get lonely, we can always meet in the common room for a cuddle like we used to.”

“Yes, I suppose that will have to do.”

They went out for some exercise in the early afternoon. The gusting wind blew against their backs, propelling them down the hill. They had no choice but to run. Lily shrieked the whole way. The couple strolled along the Forbidden Forest, admiring the autumn foliage that shimmered under the sun. Remus picked up a vibrant leaf and held it against Lily’s long curtain of hair.

“Beautiful... nearly the same exact color.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist. They held each other close until a friendly voice interrupted them. “Would you lovebirds fancy a cuppa?” Hagrid called out from his pumpkin patch.

They gratefully accepted his offer and Hagrid disappeared inside his hut, emerging a minute later carrying a tray of chipped mugs. Lily and Remus leaned against the split rail fence as they drank their spiced cider.

“This reminds me of our first Care of Magical Creatures lesson,” Lily commented. “Hagrid, you gave us cider then too.”

“Ah, that I did. And I remember thinkin’ how nice the pair of yeh looked, and here yeh are, still together.” Hagrid winked at them. “I knew how it would be.”

Remus could still vividly recall the happiness he had felt when Lily shared her scarf on that blustery autumn day. It amazed him how far they had come since then – and how much they still had to look forward to.

 

* * *

 - 13 -

**Girl & Wolf**

_Summer 1977_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

The first time Remus took the Wolfsbane Potion, he got poisoned. Not that it mattered since Damocles was on hand to give him the antidote. He got the dosing right on the next try though, and Remus took the potion for a week preceding the full moon. The transformation was just as painful, but what happened afterwards was completely different. Instead of rage, there was clarity; Remus knew who he was.

The basement room had a mirror standing in the corner. Wincing, he rose from the floor and slowly made his way over to it. Remus was so used to thinking of himself as a monster, but the creature staring back at him could almost pass for a regular wolf.  _My name is Remus Lupin_ , he reminded himself. _I was born on March 10, 1960. My parents are Hope and Lyall Lupin. My girlfriend is Lily Evans. My best mates are Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. I will soon be a seventh-year Gryffindor. My favorite food is chocolate. My name is Remus Lupin, and I am a werewolf._

The door opened behind him. He turned to see his friends entering the room with their wands drawn. This had been part of the plan: to see if Remus felt any aggression around humans.

“Hey, Moony,” Sirius greeted. “Do you know who we are?”

Remus faced them and nodded his head. James’ face broke into a grin. “That’s awesome, mate! You’re not going to wolf out on us, are you?”

He sunk low to the ground and let out a whimper to show that he was not about to hurt them. “I’ll take that as a no,” Sirius said, stowing his wand in his back pocket as he walked towards him. He bent down to ruffle his ears. “It’s nice to see you domesticated now.”

James and Peter came over to say hello. They had lowered their wands, but they were still holding onto them. Remus didn’t resent this; he was relieved to see that they were prepared. Sirius had dropped his guard without a second thought, but he’d always been more trusting than the others.

Peter dragged a plaid cushion over to him. “Are you tired, Moony?” Remus curled up on it right away. Feeling sleepy was a side effect of the potion, but one he gladly welcomed. He closed his eyes and sank into an exhausted oblivion.

The transformation woke him in the morning. After a minute of excruciating pain, he was back to his usual self. Remus got up from the floor and began pulling on his clothes. There were no injuries to heal – and besides his sore muscles and foggy head – he felt pretty good.

There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Remus called out in a raspy voice.

Damocles Belby entered carrying a heavily-laden breakfast tray. “Hello, Mr. Lupin, how are you feeling?”

“Not too bad, all things considered.” The delicious scent of sausages and eggs made his stomach growl. “Thanks for the food,” he said, sitting down at the table and tucking in. A strong cup of coffee gave him enough energy to answer his questions. “Mr. Belby, I’ll never be able to thank you enough for the Wolfsbane Potion. I wish there was some way I could repay you.”

Damocles patted him on the back. “You already have by testing my potion, Mr. Lupin. Your cooperation made this experiment a success. It would not have been possible without you, or Miss Evans.”

_Lily._  Remus smiled. A family trip to Italy had prevented her from being here today, but he would see her next month when she came to visit him for a week and a half.

***.*.***

Remus Apparated to Lily’s house in August. He was invited inside for tea. Her parents were just as friendly and welcoming as always, but Petunia Evans treated him with cold civility. It was the first time he had met her, and Remus was taken aback at how different she was from Lily. She radiated a stormy, negative energy. He felt nothing but relief when they left together. “I have no idea how you manage to stay in the same house as your sister during the summer holidays,” he said, reaching for Lily’s hand.

She sighed. “I don’t see her very often to be honest. Our trip to Italy was the most time I’ve spent with her. She wasn’t as unpleasant there. I suppose the scenery put her in a better mood.”

“Well you’re a saint to put up with her.”

“I guess I’m still hoping that we can be close again someday…”

Remus gave her hand a squeeze. “That would be nice.” But he doubted it would ever happen. That girl was too jealous and resentful of Lily. “Are you ready to Apparate now?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, here we go.” He took in a deep breath. Remus had never taken anyone by side-along Apparition before, but Lily hadn’t been to his house before. She was relying on him to get them there in one piece. Remus concentrated on the location and exhaled. The claustrophobic sensation only lasted a few seconds. Remus opened his eyes to see that he had gotten it right: they were standing on the narrow road that led to his family’s home.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful here!” Lily took in the Welsh mountains that were part of Brecon Beacons National Park. “Can we go on a hike later?”

“Course we can. Let’s drop your bag off first.”

They walked hand-in-hand through the green valley. The fresh, clean air reminded her of the Scottish Highlands. A minute later, they came upon a white farmhouse with a blue painted door.

“Oh, Remus, it’s so charming! I wish I could have grown up in the countryside instead of a city. I would have been out here every day exploring, and reading under trees, and having picnics. Can we do all that while I’m here?”

He smiled. “Absolutely. We’ll have a lot of fun.” Once they were inside the house, Remus called for his mother. She hurried down the stairs to greet them.

“Hello, Lily, welcome,” she said, kissing her cheek.

“Thank you for having me, Mrs. Lupin.”

“It’s our pleasure, but please call me Hope. ‘Mrs. Lupin’ makes me feel so old.”

Hope was quite youthful with her long blonde hair and stylish clothes. She was what her own mother would have called “a bit of a hippie flower child.” Lily adored her right away. She had such a gentle, warm presence and her seafoam eyes sparkled when she smiled.

Lily was taken on a tour of the farmhouse. The whitewashed walls brightened up the exposed ceiling beams, giving it more of an airy feel. The wooden floors were covered with colorful area rugs and all the furniture seemed to be antique. They had probably been in the Lupin family for generations. The kitchen was her favorite room downstairs. A large picture window let in plenty of natural light. Potted plants sat on the sill, soaking in the sunshine. Bundles of dried herbs hung suspended from a wooden beam overhead. It looked like a proper witches’ kitchen – something that was rather ironic since Hope Lupin was a Muggle. Lily noticed a leather-bound book on the counter. ‘Simple Magical Remedies’ was embossed in faded gold on the cover.

“My husband gave that to me just after I married him,” Hope said. “I’m grateful that someone like me with no magic can learn potion-making and herbology.”

Lily smiled at her. “And I’ll bet you’re very good at them too.”

“She is,” Remus piped up. “Mum knows how to treat colds and headaches and regular injuries. You should see the herb garden.”

Hope brightened at her son’s compliment. Lily was taken out through the back door to look at the planting beds. “They’re so pretty and organized!”

“Thank you. Gardening is one of my hobbies. It can get a bit lonely around the house with Remus at school and Lyall at the ministry, so I find ways to keep myself busy.”

“Do you go for walks?”

“Yes, often. Sometimes I take a sketchbook and a set of watercolors to capture the scenery.”

“That sounds lovely.” Lily also found out that Hope liked to read, sew, and bake. It was now clear to her that Remus had got his sensitivity from his mother. When they went back inside, Remus took her upstairs. The guest room was small, but cozy, with a twin-sized bed covered in a handmade quilt. A lazy breeze drifted through the open window, making the sheer curtains flutter. Lily caught the clean scent of lavender as she sat down on the bed.

“Is it comfortable?”

“Very,” she answered, reclining against the pillows. Remus opened her suitcase and started hanging her clothes in the closet. “Thank you, sweetie.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll let you take care of your underthings… I don’t want to tempt myself since I won’t be seeing them this week.”

Lily laughed. “Yes, that’s probably wise. Your room is across the hall?”

“It is. Are you planning on sneaking over?” he asked with a smirk.

She got up from the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I would say yes, but I’d have a hard time behaving myself if I was in there with you.”

“We’ll have to get creative once we’re out of the house then. I know a few nice, secluded spots where we won’t be interrupted.” He leaned down to kiss her.

“I missed you,” she whispered. I’ll be glad when we never have to be apart.”

“Me too, Lily.” They held each other for half a minute longer. “I’ll show you my room and then we can go for that hike.”

His bedroom was neatly arranged with a double bed, chest of drawers, and two bookshelves. She went over to his bedside table to look at the framed photos. There was one of them cuddling by the lake, a candid shot of her taken in Cornwall, and another of Remus and his friends goofing around in the common room. She also spotted a leather-bound album that she immediately opened. He sat beside her on the bed as they looked through it.

“Oh, I nearly forgot how small and cute you used to be! And here’s your blue eyes before they changed color… wow, and look how short my hair was in this one.”

“I’ll bring the camera with us today too,” he told her. “We’ll keep adding to this album.”

She smiled at him, feeling a surge of warmth in her heart. “I know I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I love you so much.”

He cupped the side of her face. “Don’t ever stop telling me.”

“I won’t,” she assured him. They ended up kissing on the bed for another ten minutes. When they went downstairs, Hope had packed them a picnic to take out on their hike.

“Thanks, mum. We’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Okay, have fun!”

Lily certainly did. She couldn’t get enough of the scenery. They ate lunch near a pond that reflected the blue sky above. Then Remus took her into some woods to show her a waterfall. “Can we go in?”

“Sure, but it will be cold.”

“I don’t care.” Lily started to undress. “Come on, you too!”

Remus laughed as he pulled his T-shirt over his head. Once his jeans were off, she grabbed his hand and they dashed into the water wearing nothing but their skivvies. They both let out a few choice swear words at just how freezing it was. But they still managed to swim around a little and duck their heads under the falls before hurrying out. Lily cast a drying spell over their bodies. They threw their clothes on and ran back towards the sunshine to warm up.

***.*.***

Remus’ father was there when they returned from their walk. Lyall Lupin was a tall man with shaggy brown hair and a crooked grin. Even after working such a long day, he entertained them by telling funny stories. It was obvious to Lily where Remus had got his sense of humor from. Mr. Lupin displayed a more serious side after dinner.

“Miss Evans, Hope and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. We always wished that a cure would be found someday, but we were starting to think that it wouldn’t be possible.” His light brown eyes filled with tears. “It was my fault that Remus was attacked, you know. I made an enemy of Greyback and he got his revenge by turning our son into a werewolf. I’ll never be able to forgive myself.” His wife reached for his hand. Lyall cleared his throat and said, “But you gave Remus his life back, and that’s something to be grateful for.”

“Lily, thank you for falling in love with our boy and bringing him such happiness,” Hope added, smiling. “The gods were kind when they sent you into his life.”

The heartfelt words made Lily cry. Hope got up from the couch and pulled her into a hug.

Remus returned from the bathroom a moment later. Seeing the tearful scene took him by surprise. “Uhh, what’s going on?” he asked.

“We were just thanking Miss Evans for taking care of you,” Lyall explained. “You’ve found yourself a real treasure, Remus. Make sure you look after her.”

“I will, dad.”

His mother used a handkerchief to wipe the tear stains from Lily’s cheeks. “Would you like to see pictures of Remus as a baby?”

Her flushed face broke into a smile. “Yes, I’d love to see them.” She immediately went into raptures. “Look at all those blond curls, so angelic! Remus, why didn’t you tell me how precious you were?” Then she started laughing over the naked ones.

“Oh god, mum, don’t show her those!” he groaned.

But she ignored him. “When Remus first started walking, he used to strip off his diaper and run through the house squealing. And during the summer, he would always go naked in the paddling pool. Look, here he is! We used to call him ‘our little nudist.’ Lyall, do you remember how fond he was of dancing without his clothes on?"

His father chuckled. “Yeah, I do. I think his favorite song was ‘Teddy Bear’ by Elvis Presley. We still have the record as a matter of fact. Would you like me to play it, Remus? You could show Lily your dance moves.”

“Absolutely not!” He could feel a blush creeping up his neck and ears.

Lyall slapped him on the back. “Just teasing. Here, let’s leave the ladies to coo over your photos. I want to talk to you about something.” When they got into the kitchen, his father kept the mortifying mood going by asking him if he was practicing safe sex.

“Yes, we’re careful,” he replied, face positively flaming.

Lyall gave a nod. “Good. Just make sure that you remember the contraception charm every time. Miss Evans is a bright girl and it would be a shame for her to fall pregnant during her last year of school.”

“I know.” The prospect of a baby terrified Remus. He was still worried that their child might end up as a werewolf.

“Have you thought about your future with her?”

“Of course I have. I’m going to propose after graduation.”

“Remus, I want you to promise that you won’t ask unless you have a job lined up.”

His spirits sank a little. McGonagall had told him that she would do everything in her power to get the ministry to hire him – and Lily kept insisting that the Wolfsbane Potion would make all the difference in the world – but the hostile political environment made him doubt that it would even be possible. Prejudice was getting worse, not better.

“Yeah, I promise.”

***.*.***

An owl delivered Lily’s Head Girl badge while they were eating breakfast on the following morning. Out of all the female Prefects, Dumbledore had chosen her to represent the school. She was so overwhelmed that she couldn’t speak right away.

When Remus saw what was in her hand, he said: “I knew it would be you!” Remus pinned it to her robe, which elicited warm congratulations from Lyall and Hope.

She beamed at them. “Thank you.” Lyall asked what kind of career she was thinking of. “I want to teach, but there aren’t any openings at the moment, so I’ll probably choose the Magical Law department. I’d like to get the ministry to distribute the Wolfsbane Potion to werewolves who don’t have the money or the means to brew it every month.”

“That’s a very noble ambition, Miss Evans. I’m confident that you will achieve it.”

Remus made her wear the badge the whole day. He felt extremely proud of her.

“You should have been named Head Boy though,” she added.

“No, my grades aren’t good enough. I’m not disappointed about it, Lily.” In fact, he was relieved. Being Head Boy required too much responsibility, and Remus didn’t need that kind of attention either.

“I wonder if Sev got it.”

“Probably. He has the best grades after all.”

“You know what this means, don’t you? You’ll be able to stay over whenever you like. We won’t have to sneak off to the Room of Requirement anymore.”

“We still might if the Head Boy is a tight arse for rules. With you sharing a common room, he’d probably see me coming and going.”

“Then I hope it is Sev because he wouldn’t care. He’d have Lena over all the time too. That would be such fun, wouldn’t it? All of us hanging out together?”

Remus made a noise of agreement, although he wasn’t too keen on spending time with Snape. Things had improved between them, but Remus doubted they would ever be friends.

Lily and his mother baked brownies in the afternoon. Remus sat at the kitchen table with a book, glancing up every now and then to watch them together. Seeing how well they got on made him happy.

The rest of the week went by in the same leisurely manner. The furthest that Remus and Lily ventured was to Hay-on-Wye, where they browsed the second-hand bookshops. They arrived back home with a bagful of new reading material.

On the night before the full moon, Remus brought Lily into the garden. They sat on a bench under the arbor of moonflower vines. Lily snuggled against his side, draping her arm across his midsection. Remus twirled a lock of her long hair around his finger.

“Lily, can I ask you something?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“When I start transforming back, will you leave the room? I don’t want you to see me like that.”

She looked up at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. It would be too upsetting for you to witness.”

“I can handle it, Remus. I want to be there for you.”

“And you will be at night – that’s more than enough. Will you promise to leave? I’ll let you back in once I’m myself again.”

She gave him a lingering kiss. “Okay, sweetheart. I promise.”

***.*.***

Remus’ screams went through her like a searing pain. She bit down on her lip, trying to keep herself from crying out. She had to be as strong as Remus was; he faced this agony every month, and she could too. Hope squeezed her hand as they waited in the hall. When she glanced over at her, Lily saw the tears spilling down her cheeks. His mother felt the same helpless pain.

The human voice was soon replaced with howls and whimpers.

“Go to him, Lily. Comfort him.”

She gave Hope a hug before opening the door. Remus was huddled on the floor. The bedside lamp provided enough light for her to see him. He had cream-colored fur that looked sandy-brown in places. When she called his name, the eyes that met hers were a brilliant gold. He wagged his tufted tail as she walked towards him.

“Hello, my love,” she said, crouching down to pet his head. He got to his feet, but Lily could see that his legs were wobbly. She wrapped her arms around his neck to help steady him. He gave a whine as he leaned his head against her shoulder. “Oh, Remus,” she whispered. The tears she had been holding back fell noiselessly into his fur. After half a minute, Lily pulled back and kissed him on the muzzle. “Let’s lay on the bed together.”

Remus used the little step-stool to get up there. She curled herself against his back and stroked his fur until he fell asleep. Lily crept out of the room ten minutes later. She found his parents in the living room.

“He’s sleeping now if you want to see him.” She sat down in a velvet armchair and waited for them to return. But Hope was the only one who came back.

“I think I could use a cup of tea. Would you care to join me, Lily?” She nodded and followed her into the kitchen. “Lyall went out for some air. I haven’t seen him this upset in a long time,” Hope said as she filled the kettle.

“Oh… I thought he might feel better if he saw how peaceful Remus was.”

“He does, dear, but it brought back some painful memories. Lyall will always blame himself for what happened.”

“Did you ever blame him?” she asked quietly.

Hope joined her at the table. “Yes, and that is my greatest regret. The things I said cut him so deep – it made his guilt even worse. I forgave him long ago, and so has Remus, but forgiving yourself is the hardest thing of all.”

Lyall came back when they were drinking their tea. Lily could see how emotionally exhausted he was. Hope poured him a cup of tea with a shot of whisky. Mr. Lupin told her about Remus’ first transformation: how he had to be locked up sobbing in their basement. The story broke Lily’s heart into tiny pieces.

“Not being able to comfort our own child was the worst part of it, but Remus will never have to experience that kind of violence or madness ever again. He won’t have to suffer alone. Seeing him tonight made me realize just how important that is.”

***.*.***

Lily showered Remus with kisses in the morning. They lay tangled up together with the sunshine streaming in through the open window.

“So, what did you think of me last night?”

Lily slipped her fingers through his. “I thought you were rather adorable and cuddly.”

Remus smiled against her mouth. “Is that so?”

“Yes, it is. You kept me warm the whole night.”

A knock sounded on the door. “Remus, Lily, it’s time for breakfast! I made chocolate-chip waffles.”

That was motivation enough to get out of bed. Remus ate about four of them, plus a stack of bacon, and two hard-boiled eggs. They spent the rest of the morning in the garden. Lily brought out piles of blankets and pillows to make a nest under the tree. She draped a sheet over a branch, creating a kind of tent that would shield them from the sun. Lily stroked his hair the way she had last night, and he found himself drifting off to the gentle thump of her heartbeat.

 

* * *

 - 14 -

**Seventh-Year Perks**

***.*.*.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Remus stayed the night in Lily’s room on the first weekend back at Hogwarts. Severus Snape was named Head Boy, which worked out for the best since it allowed Remus to come and go as he pleased. Lily and Severus also set up a Potions workspace in their large common room, where they would be able to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for him. Damocles Belby was kind enough to send the ingredients by owl post (which he would continue to do until Remus graduated from Hogwarts).

The Head Girl and Boy’s dormitory was located on the sixth floor. It opened into a high-ceilinged common room with rows of tall windows overlooking the lake. It had the usual features such as a fireplace, couch, armchairs, and desks, but an added bonus was a built-in bookshelf containing texts on the subjects Lily and Severus were taking. It also contained a ledger that was directly connected to the library. All they had to do was write down what they were looking for and the books would appear on the shelf if they were not already checked out.

Lily’s bedroom suite had the same high ceilings and windows. There was a double-sized canopy bed with sky blue draperies and a matching velvet quilt. Lily also had her own spacious bathroom. It was tiled in white marble and there was a square tub set into the floor that was similar to the one from the Room of Requirement.

“Shall we take a bath now?” she suggested.

“Mmm, that sounds nice.”

The room was filled with the intoxicating scent of pumpkin spice bubble bath. They undressed and lowered themselves in, pushing aside the clouds of bubbles. Remus felt his muscles relax as he sank into the hot water. Lily settled between his legs, leaning her back against his chest as they soaked away the stress of a long week.

When they left the bathroom, they found Lumos curled up on the window seat. But as soon as Lily and Remus climbed into bed, the black cat settled right between them like a small child who insists on sleeping with their parents.

Remus sighed. “I guess we aren’t doing anything tonight then.”

Lily smiled at him across the pillow. “You’re too tired anyway.”

“Oh, I could have managed… we’ll have to close him out of the room tomorrow night.”

“Stop being mean to your son,” she teased. “We can have fun in the morning once we’re well rested.”

And the couple certainly made up for lost time when they awoke. Lily and Remus did not emerge from the bedroom until after eleven. Another perk of being Head Girl were weekend meals in the dormitory. They sat at the table by the window and requested what they wanted to eat. The food appeared on trays a moment later. Severus Snape came into the common room halfway through their breakfast. His shoulder-length black hair was freshly washed, and he had put on a strong aftershave that made Remus sneeze.

“Good afternoon,” Snape said, casting a wary look in his direction.

“Hey Sev,” Lily greeted brightly. “Is Lena coming over today?”

“Yes, we’re going to study in here. Would you be able to give us a few hours alone?”

“Of course. Remus and I were going outside anyway.”

“Thanks,” he replied, reaching for the coffee pot. Snape did not join them at the table though – he carried his cup over to one of the armchairs near the fireplace.

Marlene breezed in five minutes later, calling out a cheery hello. She walked over to Severus and bent down to give him a lingering kiss. When they broke apart, Remus could see an actual smile on Snape’s face. The gentle expression was a bit unsettling. He averted his eyes, wondering if he would ever get used to these displays.

***.*.***

Lily and Remus hurried down the staircases and out onto the Hogwarts grounds. It was one of those glorious late summer days that are filled with soft sunshine and cool breezes. They lounged on a blanket by the lake until James, Peter, and Sirius found them.

“Moony, want to head over to the Quidditch pitch with us?” James asked. “We’ve managed to get enough people for a real game.”

“Sure.”

Lily watched them from the stands with a crowd of other Gryffindors. James and Sirius were Chasers, while Remus and Peter were Beaters. Dorcas Meadowes caught the Snitch about thirty minutes in.

They went back to Lily’s dormitory after lunch to start on their writing assignments. Severus and Marlene were snuggled on the couch, taking a nap. This annoyed Remus because now they would have to go into the bedroom instead of using the large study area.

Lily didn’t mind though. “I’m glad they have a safe space where they can be together. I don’t know how they manage a secret relationship. I’d be so depressed if I couldn’t show affection when others were around.”

Remus started to unpack his school bag. “I don’t see why they can’t be open about it.”

“They couldn’t possibly. Slytherin is full of Voldemort supporters, and the Death Eaters are trying to recruit him. He’s put them off for now, but they’re sure to pressure him after he graduates. Sev is scared for Lena’s safety. If the Death Eaters found out about them, they might force him into joining by threatening her.”

His brow furrowed. “I had no idea it was that bad.”

“I think it’s even worse than he’s letting on to be honest.” Lily paused for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip. “The Muggle-born hate crimes frighten me, Remus. Sev told me to be careful… I guess his housemates have been saying vile things about me being Head Girl. I mean they can’t do any unforgivable curses in school, but what’s going to happen if I get a government job? The Death Eaters have surely infiltrated the ministry already. I’ve never felt this unsafe before.” She shook her head as though trying to clear her thoughts. “I know I shouldn’t be worrying about this – it won’t do any good.”

Remus held out his hand. “Come here, darling.” She took it and he drew her into his arms. “I know you’re powerful enough to take care of yourself, but even so, I’ll always be here to protect you. I won’t let those bigoted cowards hurt you in any way.”

“Thank you, Remus,” she murmured against his chest.

“Try not to be on your own in corridors where they can ambush you, alright?” She nodded her head. “I’ve just had a thought: why not suggest a dueling club? Every student should learn how to properly defend themselves.”

She grinned up at him. “That’s a great idea! I’ll mention it to Professor McGonagall tomorrow.” Lily pulled him down for a kiss. “You’re brilliant, Remus. Do you know that?”

“Not as brilliant as you.”

“Oh, yes you are. Book learning is only one kind of intelligence – and it’s certainly not the most important kind either. You have such a quick mind and you know exactly what to do in any situation. Plus, you have this instinctive understanding of people and what they need. You’re really quite remarkable, Remus, so don’t you dare dismiss your talents when I know how wonderful you are.”

He smiled. “Whatever you say, Miss Evans.” The compliment embarrassed him a bit, but he was pleased at being acknowledged. Remus had grown accustomed to fading into the background, but Lily always pulled him to the front whenever she was around, and that made him feel valued.

***.*.***

Lily successfully completed her Animagus transformation at the beginning of December. She kept it a secret for a few days while she learned how to change without using a wand. When Lily was confident in her abilities, she invited Remus over to study.

He was stretched out on the window seat when she said: “Sweetheart, would you close your eyes for a moment? I have something I want to show you.”

“Shouldn’t my eyes be open then?” he asked, expression amused.

“No because I want to surprise you. Go on, close them!”

He chuckled. “Alright.” Remus set his book aside and shut his eyes.

“And no peeking either! Swear you won’t.”

There was a little smile playing on his lips. “I solemnly swear not to peek,” he said in a tone of mock solemnity.

Lily sat down on the floor and visualized her animal, focusing all her attention on transforming. She felt the peculiar sensation of shrinking down. Lily stood on her new limbs and padded over to the wardrobe mirror. A red fox with green eyes was staring back at her. Lily swished her bushy tail and then leapt onto Remus’ lap.

His eyes snapped open. “Oh my god, look how adorable you are!”

She buried her nose into his palm, inhaling his scent. It was a heady combination of woodsy cologne, coffee beans, and dark chocolate. Remus started caressing her ears and neck, causing a rumbling deep inside her throat. She closed her eyes in contented bliss.

“Lily, are you purring? I didn’t know foxes could do that!” She hadn’t known either, but it happened without her even trying. “You’re an honorary marauder now – or you will be just as soon as you go into the forest with us.”

That wouldn't be until January because the next full moon was on Christmas, and the marauders would be going home for winter break. She was looking forward to staying with Remus in her fox form; he had left her behind during the past two months while he ran around with his friends. An energy potion taken before his transformation had gotten rid of the drowsiness caused by the Wolfsbane.

When Lily changed back, she nearly overbalanced and fell onto the floor. He put a steadying arm around her waist, laughing. “Well that was impressive! So, I get to spend Christmas with a cute little fox this year.”

She smiled. “Yes, you do. Aren’t you glad I’m not a slimy toad?”

“Supremely glad,” he replied, kissing her. “But I never thought for a moment that you’d be a reptile. Sirius suggested a vixen a while back… he’ll be thrilled to know that he was right.”

“I was expecting a cat or an owl, but I rather like being in the canine family – I’m among good company there.”

***.*.***

Lily and Remus went into Hogsmeade on Christmas Eve. The dark blue sky set off the hundreds of enchanted candles that were hovering over the cobbled streets. Fairy lights glowed warmly in the trees, and a small choir added to the festivities by singing wizard carols for the last-minute shoppers.

“Let’s escape the crowds by having some dinner first,” she said, leading him towards The Three Broomsticks. Lily snagged a table near a frost-paned window, while Remus went up to the bar to order drinks.

“How are you feeling?” she asked when he returned with tankards of butterbeer.

“I’m alright. I’ve got a bit of a headache, but it isn’t too bad.” The Wolfsbane Potion helped to diminish his pre-full moon symptoms, although it could do nothing for his heightened senses. Even so, Remus had wanted to go out on Christmas Eve since he would have to stay inside tomorrow.

They ate bowls of beef stew and bread slathered with butter. When they emerged outside a while later, fluffy snowflakes were spiraling down from the sky. Lily and Remus peeked into Honeydukes, but the shop was cluttered with far too many people.

“We can come back when it isn’t so busy,” Remus said. They decided to go into Tomes & Scrolls instead. The leather couch in front of the fireplace was free, and they plopped down to page through some interesting looking volumes.

In the hour they had spent at the bookshop, two or three inches of snow had accumulated on the ground. Lily and Remus were able to go into Honeydukes this time around. They picked out an assortment of candy and chocolate.

“Do you want to get some cake at Madame Puddifoot’s?” he asked.

“Yes, please.”

The tea room’s frilly, floral décor had been replaced with Christmas colors; green and red plaid covered the round tables instead of the usual white lace. Gold fairy lights were strung across the ceiling, and sprigs of mistletoe had been tied to them using red ribbon. Lily and Remus found a table in the corner – as far away from the fireplace as possible. They had to take off their coats and drape them over the backs of the chairs because of how warm it was inside. The front window had steamed up completely.

The owner bustled over to take their order. “What can I get you, m’dears?”

“Two hot chocolates and two slices of cinnamon cheesecake please,” Lily replied.

The dessert was delicious, but they didn’t linger inside for long. The blast of arctic air against their overheated cheeks felt wonderfully refreshing. Remus put his arm around Lily as they headed back to Hogwarts. The castle looked like a holiday card with its snow-covered turrets and twinkling windows.

He leaned down for a kiss. “Merry Christmas, love.”

Lily smiled. “Merry Christmas, Remus.”

They clung to each other as the snowflakes swirled around them.

***.*.***

Lily, Remus, Marlene, and Severus hung out in the common room on New Year’s Eve. They sat on the floor, roasting marshmallows, and chatting about life after Hogwarts. Snape was the only one who had a job lined up; he would be working as Mr. Belby’s apprentice.

Marlene wasn’t too keen on the Ministry of Magic. “I’d like to work for the Wizard Wireless Network or even The Daily Prophet. I may decide not to sit for N.E.W.T’s at all.”

The other three would be taking the exams and they encouraged her to do the same.

“It’s always good to have some backup options just in case,” Snape said sensibly. “Hey Lily, why don’t you want to be a Potioneer? You’re just as good at brewing potions as I am.”

“Well I don’t fancy creating new ones, you know? I like sticking to the potions that have already been invented. If Professor Slughorn ever retires, I will certainly apply for his vacant position. But until that happens, I’ll focus on getting into the Magical Law department.”

Snape got up to change the record. ‘Childhood’s End’ by Pink Floyd started playing a moment later. He returned to his spot on the floor and said, “I know you’re an idealist, Lily, but that’s probably the most dangerous place you could be. I wish you’d reconsider.”

Remus privately agreed with him. Working in Magical Law would put an even bigger target on her back.

“I think it’s important for good people to join the ministry and make a difference – especially with the way things are now,” she added.

Snape rolled his eyes. “That’s such a Gryffindor thing to say. And what about you, Lupin? Are you planning on applying for the Law department as well?”

“I will if I get enough N.E.W.T’s.” Remus glanced down at his wristwatch. “It’s five minutes ‘til midnight. Does anyone want a butterbeer to toast with?”

“Yes,” they answered.

He brought back four bottles and handed them round. Remus kept an eye on the time. “One minute,” he announced. “We’d better go over to the window now.”

Lily and Marlene counted down from ten and shouted, “Happy New Year!”

Snape and Remus echoed it back, grinning. The four of them clinked their bottles together. And then the fireworks began… explosions of red, green, gold, and blue lit up the frozen lake. A bittersweet feeling came over Remus. 1978 would be the beginning of their adult lives. The future was a shadowy place at the moment – a sort of limbo where things could go a number of ways. Remus glanced over at his companions to see if they were as conflicted as he was. Lily and Marlene wore excited expression, but Snape was unsmiling. The Slytherin turned to meet his gaze and a look of silent understanding passed between them.

“Oh, isn’t it beautiful, Remus?” Lily asked, beaming.

He draped an arm around her shoulder and looked out at the fireworks blooming in the sky. “Yes, it is.”

Worrying would have to wait.

 

* * *

 - 15 -

**Lightning Strike**

_Spring 1978_

***.*.*.*.***

* * *

Lily caught the scent of damp, moldy leaves as she ran through the underbrush. She had joined the marauders on their night time jaunts a few times before, but the thrilling sense of freedom never got old. Her human worries all but vanished when she became a fox; Lily could simply exist in the present moment and enjoy her sharpened senses.

She felt a gentle tug on her bushy tail and Remus appeared a second later. He leaned down, touching his nose to hers. She gave him an affectionate lick before bounding off, daring him to catch her. Padfoot let out an excited bark and joined in their game of tag. The trio was able to communicate using their canine voices – and as strange as it sounded – Lily could somehow understand them.

They wore themselves out after a few hours and found a clearing to rest in. Lily nestled beside Remus, feeling safe and warm. The other marauders crowded around them until they were just a pile of sleepy animals, all breathing and snuffling together.

Lily woke up when Remus gave a mournful whine and left their cozy nest. It was almost dawn now. Lily changed back into her human form and stepped over dog, rat, and stag. She raised her wand in the air and called out: “Accio Remus Lupin’s bag!”

They always left his change of clothes just inside the forest, so it didn’t take long for the satchel to zoom towards her. Lily waited until the wolf-like yowls turned to muffled, human screams. Then she went in search of him. Remus was huddled on the ground, naked and shivering. Lily draped a flannel blanket over his body and curled herself around him.

When he rolled onto his back, Lily propped herself up with an elbow and brushed aside his sweaty hair. “Good morning, my love.”

Remus gave her a wan smile. “G’morning, Lily. I had fun last night,” he said, voice hoarse.

“So did I.”

“You beat me in the race again.”

“I’m too fast for you,” she replied playfully.

“I’ll win one of these days.”

Lily kissed him on the lips. “I look forward to it. Do you want any help getting dressed?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll just be a minute.”

“Okay, sweetie. We’ll wait for you in the clearing.”

The marauders were in their human forms when she got back.

“Morning, Lil Red,” they greeted.

She had always been opposed to the nickname before, but Lily didn’t mind now that it fit her fox description. Sirius also called her ‘Vix’ or ‘Moony’s little vixen’ accompanied by a suggestive wink. It startled her the first time she heard it. Lily cornered Remus after class one day and asked if he had ever shared any details of their bedroom exploits.

“ _No way! I mean, I might have mentioned being satisfied, but that’s all,” he insisted, blushing to the tips of his ears. “He’s only calling you that because of your Animagus form.”_

“ _And because he’s a pervert,” she added._

_Remus laughed. “That too. He’ll probably stop if you ignore him.”_

He hadn’t stopped of course, but Lily did brush off his teasing after that.

Sirius draped an arm around her shoulder. “You were quite the wild thing last night, Vix. You even bit my leg when we had that tussle.”

Lily shrugged away from him. “Well you deserved it – you were trying to cheat in the race!”

“Wait, isn’t ‘Wild Thing’ the title of a Muggle song?” Peter asked.

“It is indeed, Wormtail. I’m glad you brought that up because I was just about to serenade Lil Red here.”

“Oh god, please don’t!”

But Sirius did just as he liked. “Wild thing, you make my heart sing, you make everything groovy. Wild thing.” Sirius kneeled in front of her. “Wild thing, I think you move me. But I wanna know for sure. So come on, hold me tight… you move me. Sing the chorus, Prongsie!”

They started from the beginning and Peter joined in too. Remus appeared a moment later, expression amused. She hurried over to him. “Save me from this song!”

Remus took her hand. “Wild thing, I think I love you, but I wanna know for sure,” he crooned. “So come on, hold me tight… I love you.”

She grinned up at him and the marauders belted out the chorus one last time.

“You guys are ridiculous, you know that,” Lily said, laughing.

“Ah, but deep down you enjoy our antics,” Sirius replied.

“You’re right, I do.” Lily liked going on adventures with them. She wasn’t just a girlfriend being left behind anymore; she was a real member of their group. And that made her happier than she could express.

***.*.***

Lily and the marauders stayed at Hogwarts over Easter Break to squeeze in some extra study sessions. The N.E.W.T’s were in May, and like most seventh-years, they spent an exhausting amount of time holed up in the library.

“I should have gone home like Sev and Lena.” Lily tried to stifle a yawn as they trudged up the stairs. “I’m sorry, but I can’t watch you play Quidditch today. I need a nap.”

“It’s fine, Lily – just get some rest.” Remus gave her a kiss goodbye when they reached the sixth floor. “I’ll pick you up for dinner.”

“Okay. Have fun, boys.”

“We will,” the marauders chorused as they waved goodbye.

“Race you to the common room,” James declared, hurrying up the staircase. Sirius took off after him, but Peter and Remus didn’t bother running.

When they arrived, Professor McGonagall was standing outside the portrait hole, talking to James and Sirius. “What's going on? Are we in trouble?”

“No, Mr. Lupin, you are not. Would the four of you come with me please? The common room is too crowded for this discussion.”

Remus felt his stomach knot up as they followed their head of house into an empty classroom.

“Please take a seat.” Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. “I’m afraid I have some terrible news. There was a Death Eater attack this afternoon at a park in London. Eight Muggles were killed, and we lost two prominent people from our community. I’m sorry, Mr. Potter,” she said, voice wavering. “Your parents have died.”

James had gone pale with shock and Sirius looked just as shaken. The Potters had taken him in after he’d been disowned; they were his true family.

“How do you know about this?” Remus asked.

“A Muggle girl who survived the attack told the Aurors what happened. They had to modify her memory afterwards. She now believes that her parents died in a car accident.”

“That’s unfair to her,” James said woodenly. “She should know the truth.”

“It may be unfair, but forgetting the attack is in her best interest. The girl’s father saved her life by shielding her with his own body. The knowledge of that would be a heavy burden for anyone to bear.”

“But what’s their motive?” Peter asked quietly.

“They wanted to silence my parents for speaking out against blood purity,” James replied, fists clenched.

“Yes, that is what the Aurors have surmised. Professor Dumbledore is at the ministry now. He’ll be able to tell you more once he gets back.”

James stood up. “Excuse me, I need some air.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, Pads. I’d rather be alone right now.”

Sirius looked crestfallen as he watched James leave the room. Professor McGonagall placed a hand on his shoulder. “You have my condolences, Mr. Black. I know how much the Potters meant to you.”

Sirius dropped his head onto the desk and broke down in messy sobs. Empathetic tears filled Remus’ eyes. He had to look away from the devastating scene, but in his peripheral vision, he saw Professor McGonagall comforting him the way a mother would. When she left a few minutes later, Sirius wiped his face and said: “I’ll find the scum who did this, and I’ll kill them myself,” in a voice still raw with emotion.

Remus and Peter exchanged a look. They had never seen him like this before.

“How will you find out, Pads?” Peter asked hesitantly.

“You already know that I’m aiming to be an Auror. They’ll catch some of the Death Eaters eventually, and when they do, I’ll question them. Whoever did this is living on borrowed time.”

There was no doubt in Remus’ mind that Sirius meant what he said. Him and James were the same way: both impulsive, driven, and beyond the rules. Remus had tried to reign them in over the years, but it had never really worked. Trying to talk him out of it was a pointless endeavor.

“If you go rogue and break the law, you’ll be thrown out of the department. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t care,” Sirius replied, jaw set. “I won’t let anyone hurt the people I love.”

That’s something they had in common.

“I’ll help you,” Remus said before he could change his mind. “I’ll apply for the Auror department too. They might not accept me, but I’ll try anyway.”

“So will I,” squeaked Peter. “The four of us are in this together.”

Sirius’ face broke into a smile. “I knew I could count on my brothers.”

Brothers. That’s what they were – what they had always been. The wizarding world was at war and they had to protect each other no matter what.

***.*.***

Lily was sitting in her common room, watching the boys get thoroughly intoxicated. But as far as she could tell, the alcohol was not helping anyone forget what had happened. James looked even more miserable than he had when he arrived. Sirius was overcompensating by being louder than usual. Remus got sick and disappeared into the bathroom. Peter was the luckiest one at the moment because he was passed out snoring on the floor. _He’ll have a wicked hangover when he wakes up though…_ Lily was glad that she had enough sense to stay away from that vile firewhisky.

“I think I’ll nip down to the kitchens for some coffee,” Sirius announced. “Be back soon.”

“Don’t fall down the stairs,” Lily called after him.

He let out a bark of laughter. “I’ll be careful.”

“Maybe I should come with you just in case.”

“Nah, there’s no need, but thanks for worrying about me, Vix. Take care of Prongsie while I’m gone,” he said, closing the door behind him.

James hadn’t even acknowledged Sirius’ departure. Lily got up from the armchair and joined him on the couch. “How you holding up?”

He continued to stare at the floor. “Not well. I just can’t believe they’re dead… this has got to be a nightmare, hasn’t it?”

Lily rested a hand on his shoulder. “I wish it was, Potter.”

James turned his head to look at her; hazel eyes brimming with tears. “My world is over. That’s what it feels like right now… nothing will ever be the same again – not for me, not for anyone.”

Despite their prickly history, Lily’s first instinct was to comfort this grieving boy who was trying so hard to keep it together. She put her arms around him. James stiffened at first, but his body relaxed after a moment, and he slumped against her shoulder. Lily patted his trembling back as he cried himself out. When he lifted his head half a minute later, James took his glasses off and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Evans… I lost control there.”

“It’s okay to cry, James. Don’t worry about it.”

An unreadable expression crossed his face. “You called me by my first name.”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “Oh, well I suppose this moment calls for less formality, doesn’t it?”

James let out a shaky breath. “Thank you, Lily,” he whispered. And before she could process what was happening, James Potter pressed his warm mouth to hers.

She immediately pulled away. “Potter, you’re drunk and depressed right now. Let’s forget this happened, yeah?”

“I don’t want to forget,” he said in a trembling voice. “This is everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Lily stood up from the couch, heart racing. “What are you talking about? Haven’t you always hated me?”

“No, I only pretended to hate you.” James walked over to her. Lily put her hands up to ward him off, but he took hold of them and pulled her into his arms. “I like you, Lily Evans. You should have been my girl, not Moony’s.”

She wanted to get far away, but he was holding her too tight. “Potter, don’t do this, Remus might see you!”

“Let him see,” James said in an angry tone. “You know, I’ve always wondered if you just love him out of pity. Maybe if I was the werewolf, you might have noticed me.”

“Out of pity? How dare you!” Lily elbowed him in the stomach to escape his grasp. “I love Remus because he’s kind and strong and brave – because he always puts other people before himself! So even if you were a werewolf, your personality would leave you out of the running,” she snapped.

It took him a moment to catch his breath. “Right, of course it would… I’m selfish after all. I just proved that with my actions. But I swear to you, I never wanted to resent one of my best mates, and I certainly never wanted to fall for his girl either. I hate myself for being such a horrible person.” His voice broke. “I’m being punished for it now.”

Her anger dissipated. “That isn’t true, Potter.”

“It is! I’m sorry… please don’t tell Remus what I’ve done tonight.”

James hurried out of the room and Lily stood there, completely stunned.  _I never knew… I never even suspected he felt that way about me… oh god, what a mess!_ She collected herself after a minute and went to check on Remus.

“Sweetie, are you okay in there?” Lily called through the bathroom door. “I’m coming in.”

Remus was sitting on the floor, leaning over the toilet seat. He looked up at her with bleary eyes. “I got sick. Ugh, that firewhisky was a mistake… damn Sirius for giving it to me.”

“I’ll make you something to settle your stomach. It won’t take long.”

“Thanks, love,” he said, attempting a smile.

She was relieved to have something to do. Lily pushed James Potter out of her mind and focused solely on measuring out the ingredients. She was just finishing up the potion when Sirius entered the room.

“Sorry for being gone so long, I had to take a detour on the way back. Guess I drank a little too much…”

“Oh, you think? Your firewhisky made Remus extremely ill. I had to make a potion to help with his nausea.”

“Can I have some of that too? I’d rather not throw up again.”

Lily filled two vials and handed one to Sirius. “Just so you know, drowning your sorrows with alcohol is a terrible idea. It makes everyone feel worse, not better.”

He gulped it down, shuddering at the taste. “Yeah, I know. I won’t suggest it again. Where’s Prongs by the way?”

“He went for a walk. I have to take this to Remus now,” she said, exiting the room before he could ask any more questions.

Once Remus drank the potion, Lily helped him up from the floor. “Come on, you should lay down for a bit – you’re still drunk.” She slipped an arm around his waist as they made their way towards the bed. “Do you want some coffee? It might help you sober up.”

“Yes, please.”

Sirius was sitting at the table, dunking a biscuit into his mug. Lily picked up the coffee pot. “Did you know about Potter’s feelings for me?” she asked quietly.

He started to choke on his biscuit. “Bloody hell, you almost killed me!” he gasped, eyes streaming.

“Answer the question, Black.”

Sirius cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’ve known for a while now. Did he kiss you?”

She nodded. “He was upset about his parents and I tried to comfort him. The whole thing was a disaster. Sirius, you need to find him. He might hurt himself.”

His eyes widened. “You think he’s suicidal?”

“I’m not sure. Potter said that he’s a horrible person and that he hates himself. He thinks he’s being punished.”

“Merlin’s beard, but he can be so melodramatic!” Sirius pulled the Marauders Map from the pocket of his robes. He touched the tip of his wand to the parchment and said: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” Sirius unfolded it and started to scan the castle. “Prongs didn’t make it far – he’s on the fifth floor. I’ll go after him now.”

“Will you tell Potter that I forgive him?” She paused. “And tell him that he shouldn’t worry about what happened because I won’t say anything to Remus.”

“I’ll tell him. You’ve got a good heart, Lil Red.” He flashed her a cheeky grin. “I might just fall for you myself.”

Lily hit him on the arm. “Don't even think about it, Sirius Black.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, giving a mock salute.

Remus was leaning against the pillows when she came back into the room.

“Thanks, love, you’re an angel.” He took the mug from her hands and raised it to his lips.

She sat next to him on the bed. Lily felt emotionally drained.  _And this is only the beginning of what we’ll have to face in the months and years ahead… the Death Eaters have made sure of that._

Remus broke the silence by asking if she was okay.

“I’m trying to be, but I’m scared. It could be our parents next – it could even be us.”

“I won’t let that happen, Lily. The four of us are applying for the Auror department. We’ll stop the Death Eaters from killing more people.”

She set down her mug on the bedside table. “Do you really have to, Remus? Can’t you pick another department?”

“I could, but the Aurors need every capable person they can get. I won’t be able to respect myself if I take the easy way out. You understand that, don’t you?” he asked gently.

“Yes.” Lily couldn’t meet his eyes. “But saying goodbye every day when you leave for work might be the last time I see you.” The reality of the situation struck her hard and tears slipped down her cheeks. “If something happens to you, I’ll die too.”

He pulled her close until she was nestled safely on his lap. “Shh, honey, you won’t.” Remus wiped her tears away. “You’ll go on fighting because that’s who you are. You have such incredible strength, Lily. Even if you don’t see it, I do. But I want you to stop thinking of the worst-case scenario because I’m determined to grow old with you by my side.”

Lily smiled. “Is that my highly anticipated proposal?”

“No, you deserve a much better proposal than that.” He enfolded her hand in his. “But it is my promise to you.”

“I’m holding you to it then. So don’t you dare get yourself killed, Remus Lupin,” she said sternly.

He chuckled. “See, there’s the fire I love so much.” Remus leaned in closer and whispered: “I cleaned my teeth by the way... feel free to kiss me whenever you like.”

Lily had to wait until she stopped laughing before she could take him up on his offer.

 

* * *

 - 16 -

**Future Plans**

***.*.*.*.***  

* * *

 

Remus took a walk down to the Owlery after dinner. Using the stone balustrade as a table, he scrawled a quick note.

_Snape—_

_I know that you are just as against Lily applying for a ministry job as I am, so could you ask Professor Slughorn to hire her as an assistant? I know it hasn’t been done before, but I’m sure he’d make an exception for his favorite student. I have no doubt that a cunning Slytherin such as yourself will be able to convince him. Please burn this letter. I don’t want Lily to come across it accidentally because she probably wouldn’t appreciate me interfering._

_—R. Lupin_

_**. . .** _

He read the message over before sealing it up and writing:  _‘Severus Snape, Head Boy Dormitory, Hogwarts’_  on the envelope. Then Remus went inside the Owlery, selected an alert bird, and sent the messenger on its way.

He strolled through the grounds, enjoying the cool evening air against his face. It was hard to believe that he would be leaving Hogwarts in less than a month. This had been his second home for seven years – where some of his most happy memories had taken place.  _I’m going to miss it here so much,_  he thought, looking up at the castle. As a child, Remus had never thought he could have any of this, and now that he did, it was hard to let go. He wasn’t leaving Lily or his friends, but he was leaving a place of safety; he was going out into an uncertain world where death could happen at any moment. That terrified him, and it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t regretting the promise he made to Sirius.  _Risking my future life with Lily… I must be crazy._ Remus sighed as he climbed up the front steps.  _But then again, if the Aurors don’t stop Voldemort and end this war, no one except purebloods will have much of a future anyway. I know I’m doing the right thing._

A reply was already waiting when he arrived back to his dormitory. “I let the owl in,” Peter told him. “It pecked me when I tried to remove the letter. Guess it was told not to give it to anyone except you.”

That didn't surprise him. Remus untied the letter from the bird’s leg before opening the small window near his bed. The tawny owl gave a hoot and flew out into the night. Remus ripped the letter open.

_Lupin—_

_Believe it or not, I had the very same idea. That was a pathetic attempt at flattery by the way, although I do agree that I won’t have any trouble convincing him. I’m waiting until after the N.E.W.T’s to bring it up though. —S._

**. . .**

“Who’s it from?” Peter asked.

Remus shoved it in his pocket. “No one important.”

“I don’t know why everyone is always keeping secrets from me,” he said sulkily.

“It’s nothing against you – I’m not going to tell anyone about it.”

“Not even Lily?”

“Nope.” Remus stretched out on his bed. “Where are Padfoot and Prongs?”

“They didn’t say where they were going. That’s what I mean.”

He glanced over at him. “I doubt it’s anything personal; they’ve been distant with me too. We have to remember that they’re grieving, you know?”

“Yeah, I suppose. I just feel left out is all.”

_Peter’s going to miss Hogwarts even more than I am,_  he realized.  _I’ll have to talk to James and Sirius about including him more…_

“I need to read a chapter for Transfiguration, but we can play wizard’s chess when I’m done. You up for it?”

“Sure. Thanks, Remus.”

“No problem. At least we’ll be able to concentrate with them gone.”

But they both knew he was only saying that to make him feel better. The quiet dorm was more than a bit jarring. It served as a reminder of their fast approaching graduation. Remus didn’t know where he would be living a few months from now. He was hoping to get a place with Lily, but that depended on if he had a job or not. James and Sirius would be getting a flat in London, although Remus had a sinking suspicion they hadn’t asked Peter. He knew they weren’t being deliberately unkind, but even so, the exclusion needed to stop.

***.*.***

Lily and the marauders handed in their last N.E.W.T exam and filed out of the Great Hall with the other exhausted (yet relieved) seventh-year students.

Sirius raised his arms above his head. “Freedom at last!”

James grinned. “Thank Godric that’s over with. I feel like I can breathe again.”

“I can’t,” Peter squeaked. “I didn’t do well in my Potions and Transfiguration practical.”

James threw an arm around his shoulders. “The written portion might make up for it. You still might get N.E.W.T’s in those subjects.”

Peter started chewing his fingernail anxiously. “If I don’t, there’s no way I’ll be able to apply for the Auror department. All of you helped me study and it still wasn’t enough… I wish I wasn’t so stupid.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Peter. Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn will let you take it one more time,” Lily reminded him.

He brightened a bit at this. “That’s true. Thanks, Lily.”

They sprawled out on the grass near the lake where they could soak up the warm sun. Remus lay his head in Lily’s lap, closing his eyes as she ran her fingers through his shaggy hair. “That feels nice,” he murmured.

“Will you play with my hair too, Lil Red?” Sirius asked.

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on… I guarantee mine is softer than ole Moony’s here.”

“Oi, Padfoot! Will you stop flirting with my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, leave Evans alone,” James added. “I’ll play with your hair. It’s gotten so long that I bet I can braid it.”

Sirius’ thick mane fell past his collar now, but it was artfully layered to frame his handsome face. One of his many female admirers had given him the style a month back, which had made him even more popular. The marauders found it quite annoying when younger girls trailed after them, squealing and giggling if Sirius even so much as glanced their way.

“Who taught you how to braid hair, Prongs?” Sirius scoffed.

“An ex-girlfriend.”

“Let’s see then,” he said, sitting down cross-legged in front of James.

Lily looked over, amused. “You’re actually going to let him?”

Sirius shrugged. “Why not? I’m bored.”

“Wow, it is soft… kinda like a girl’s. You using Sleekeazy's behind my back, Pads?”

He laughed. “Nah, I’m just naturally blessed.”

Peter let out a sigh. “And everyone’s forgotten about me again.”

“Oh, you want Prongsie to run his fingers through your hair that badly, mate?” Sirius teased.

“Boys, don't fight,” James said in a falsetto voice. “There’s plenty of me to go ‘round.”

Peter’s face turned red. “That’s not what I was getting at! I just meant that I’m always the fifth wheel.”

James glanced over at him. “This is really about the N.E.W.T’s, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, because I’m sure all of you did good! You’ll be Aurors and I’ll be left behind.”

Sirius frowned. “Wormtail, tone down the pity-party, will ya? You’re ruining the mood.”

“Oh, excuse me for saying something real for once!” Peter scrambled up from the ground. “I’ll just leave then since I’m obviously not wanted here.”

“Please do – we don’t need you bringing us down right now,” Sirius snapped.

The chubby boy clenched his fists and stormed off. James called after him, but Peter didn’t stop. He slapped the back of Sirius’ head. “Did you really have to say that to him? Go and apologize!”

Sirius winced and rubbed the spot James had just hit. “No, don’t think I will. I’m tired of his insecure tantrums. Wormtail needs to grow up already.”

“That might be true, but I can understand why he’s upset,” Lily added. “Peter’s just scared that he’ll lose the three of you as friends.”

“We’ll still be his mates even if we make Auror and he doesn’',” Sirius argued.

Remus sat up. “But it won’t be the same, will it? I know where he’s coming from because even if I have the grades, I might get turned down. Not everything will go our way once we leave Hogwarts; not everything is going to be safe like it is here. I don’t know about the rest of you, but that scares me.”

“Moony, all of us are fucking scared! For Godric’s sake, we’re about to join a war! Prongs here lost his parents, but he’s holding it together. And then we have Wormtail whining about exam scores? Excuse me if I don’t have any sympathy for his situation! He has never really suffered in his life, and you know I’m right about that,” he barked.

Remus held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, I agree with you – I’m just trying to see it from his perspective.”

“Well his perspective is petty and immature!”

“You’re not wrong, but you shouldn’t have said what you did,” James admonished.

“Fine,” Sirius groaned, “I’ll apologize to the brat later even though he doesn’t deserve it. Happy?”

“Yes. Thank you, Padfoot.”

“Now can we please try to enjoy the rest of our day? We only have a few weeks left here.”

But something had shifted with Peter’s departure. It was an unsettled feeling… ripples on water that indicated something unseen below the surface. The moment of celebration was ruined.

***.*.***

Slughorn asked to see Lily after class a few days later. Snape exchanged a look with Remus; they both knew what this was about. “I’ll wait for you in the corridor, Lily,” he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. Remus told his friends to go ahead of him. And then he leaned against the wall and waited.

She emerged from the classroom with a big smile on her face. “Guess what? Professor Slughorn offered me a job! He wants me to teach first, second, and third-year students. He said he’s getting worn out and it would give him a bit of a break.”

“Wow, that’s fantastic!” He swept her up in a hug and spun her around. “Did you accept the offer?”

“Of course! Potions professor was my top choice after all.”

“You’re joking,” said a jeering voice. They looked over to see a pair of younger Slytherin boys walking towards them. “Slughorn is giving his job to a filthy mudblood like you? He must be off his rocker.”

Remus put Lily down and drew his wand. “Say another word and you’ll wish you hadn’t,” he growled.

“Or what, you’ll hex me? I dare you, Lupin. Go on!”

Lily placed her hand on his arm. “Don’t, Remus. He isn’t worth it.”

He started to lower his wand.

“Oh, she has you trained up just like a dog, doesn’t she,” goaded the Slytherin. “Your bitch mud—”

“Silencio!” shouted Remus.

The boy’s voice stopped abruptly. His face went red with fury and he pulled out his wand.

“Expelliarmus!” Lily caught it easily in her hand.

The other boy was reaching into the pocket of his robes. “Don’t even think about it unless you want to be flat on your arse,” Remus warned. That stopped him in his tracks.

“Let’s see… thirty points from Slytherin,” Lily announced. “Ten for each insult and ten for attempted dueling. I’m keeping your wand until the end of the day. You can get it back by visiting Professor Dumbledore’s office, where I’m sure you’ll also receive a detention.”

“But he can’t go to lessons without a wand,” the other boy complained.

“He should have thought about that before he opened his vile mouth,” Remus shot back. “Now get out of here before I deduct more points from you.”

The boys took off down the corridor. He glanced over at Lily, who had a smug smile on her face. “Well, that was wholly satisfying,” she said, pocketing the Slytherin’s wand. “I can’t wait to give out detentions to bigoted cretins like him when I’m a professor.”

Remus grinned at her. “You handled it like a pro.”

“So did you. The look on his face when he realized he couldn’t speak!”

They had a good laugh over this while they headed out of the dungeons.

“I’m glad you're not letting it get to you,” Remus said when they arrived in the entrance hall.

“If anything, it just drives me to do even better. I think I’ve proven that muggleborns are just as proficient in magic as purebloods.”

“You absolutely have.” He put his arm around her as they climbed the stairs. “I’m more proud of you every day. Congratulations, Professor Evans.”

She gave him a bright smile. “Thank you. Want to skip classes to celebrate in my room?”

“Hmm, I’d love to.”

An hour later, when they were tangled up in the bedsheets and resting comfortably, Lily asked the question that Remus least wanted to answer.

“If I say yes, will you be angry with me?”

“No,” she murmured against his bare skin.

Remus wound a lock of her hair around his finger. “I made a suggestion, that’s all. You were hired based entirely on your own merit though.”

“Oh, I know I deserve the job – Slughorn told me I aced my exam – but it isn’t a position that is usually offered to students right out of Hogwarts. That’s why I figured you and Sev had something to do with it.”

His eyes widened. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re a Seer.”

She looked up at him, smiling. “I’m not, I just know my boys very well.”

“You really don’t mind that we interfered?”

Lily moved up to rest her head on the pillow next to him. “No, but that’s only because it’s my dream job. I am a little annoyed with you though. The Auror department is far more dangerous than what I was planning on doing, but you’re still going to apply there even though I don’t want you to.”

“I’m sorry, Lily,” he said, stroking her cheek. “Do you forgive me for being a hypocrite?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “I suppose I do since you can admit to it.”

He leaned forward and captured her mouth in a kiss. “I’m okay with being a hypocrite from time to time.”

“Oh, yeah?” Lily revenged herself on him by tickling his sides. Their squirming and wrestling turned into something else, which Remus was more than okay with.

***.*.***

They received their N.E.W.T results at the beginning of June. James, Remus, and Sirius got top scores in the recommended five classes. Peter only got three: Defense, Charms, and Herbology. He would have to re-take the exams for Potions and Transfiguration two days from now. Everyone helped him cram in the library. He managed to squeak by with an ‘Exceeds Expectations’ in Potions, but only an ‘Acceptable’ in Transfiguration. Peter decided to apply anyway because he had earned an ‘Outstanding’ in Muggle Studies, which technically met the requirement for a minimum of five classes. The marauders filled out their applications and handed them into Professor McGonagall.

She pulled Remus aside after class. “Professor Dumbledore and I will be submitting letters of recommendation to the head of the Auror department. There should be no reason for him to reject your application.”

“Thank you, professor. That means a lot.”

“I can’t say the same for Mr. Pettigrew, however.”

“Is there no hope for him?”

She shook her head. “Muggle Studies is an elective, not a core class. Proficient Transfiguration skills are required to become an Auror. I am also of the opinion that he does not have the right kind of temperament. It’s probably just as well he didn’t earn the recommended five because I can’t see him passing the aptitude tests – or being able to keep up with the rigorous training program.”

Remus’ stomach plummeted. “I might not be able to either.”

“I highly doubt that, Mr. Lupin. In fact, I would say that your lycanthropy gives you the ability to handle physical and mental stress better than most candidates. Your heightened senses will also give you an edge. I’ll be saying all of this in my letter.”

“I really appreciate your support, Professor McGonagall. You’ve always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

She patted him on the shoulder. “You are a remarkable young man, Mr. Lupin; don’t ever forget how capable you are.”

He smiled at his head of house. “Would you mind very much if I gave you a hug?”

Her lips twitched at the corners. “Well, just this once then.”

“Thank you for everything,” he said, putting his arms around her.

“You are most welcome. I know you’ll do well.”

He pulled away a moment later. “If there’s ever a teaching vacancy, please let me know. I’d love to get back here someday.”

She smiled. “I shall, Mr. Lupin. Now go on with you – I’m sure your friends are waiting outside.”

Remus’ heart felt warm as he headed out of the classroom. So many people had supported him over the years… Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, Hagrid, James, Peter, Sirius, and Lily most of all. He couldn’t have made it through Hogwarts without them.

***.*.***

The whole gang was invited to a graduation party at Remus’ house. It was a beautiful afternoon and the boys decided to play a game of pick-up Quidditch. Lily borrowed one of Hope Lupin’s woven hats, put on a pair of sunglasses, and plopped down on a blanket to watch them zooming overhead. Hope brought out a pitcher of lemonade and a plate stacked with Welsh pancake cookies to hold them over until dinner.

“And Remus, be sure to take them down to the pond in about an hour. I don’t want sweaty boys at the dinner table,” she reminded her son.

“Sure, mum.”

“Do we really smell that bad?” James asked, sniffing at his armpit.

Lily waved a hand in front of her nose. “Merlin, yes! Nothing ruins a good meal like stale body odor.”

Sirius laughed. “Listen to Miss Prim and Proper over here. You look even more like a lady with that dress on. Where’d you get it?”

“Hope gave it to me. Isn’t it lovely? I feel like a Jane Austen heroine wearing this.” It was a prairie style dress with a pattern of small blue flowers on a white background, long sleeves, and a lace-up bodice. Because Lily was so petite, Hope had shortened the skirt to a few inches above her ankles.

“Who’s Jane Austen?” Peter asked.

“A Muggle author from the early 1800s,” replied Remus. “She wrote courtship novels.”

Sirius gave him an incredulous look. “Moony, please tell me you didn’t read them.”

He flushed. “I read  ** _Northanger Abbey_**  because it’s one of Lily’s favorites. I thought it was quite funny.”

“Gods, you’re such a hopeless sap!”

“My mum liked this Jane Austen woman,” James interrupted. “I found a whole set in her bedroom. You can have them, Evans.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly! Don't you want to keep them to remember her by?”

He shook his head. “I have a house full of keepsakes already. I know she’d want them to go to a fellow fan. Books should be read after all.”

Lily smiled. “Well in that case, how can I refuse? Thank you, James – I’ll treasure them.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, reaching for another Welsh cake.

Remus studied his friend thoughtfully. He was glad that James was being kinder to Lily, but he knew that he was missing something important.

“Well, going back to the dress,” Sirius said, interrupting Remus’ train of thought. “I think you look stunning, Vix. It’s always good seeing you out of those shapeless school robes.”

She rolled her eyes. “Do you ever stop?”

Remus smacked Sirius on the arm. “I’ll take care of him when we’re up in the air, Lily.”

“Ooh, is that a threat?”

“No, it’s a promise, Padfoot,” he shot back.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “Can’t wait to see what you’ve got!”

The playful banter did all of them good. It was nice being able to live in the moment without worrying about where they would end up. The forthcoming Auror letters remained in the back of their minds, but they had agreed not to talk about it. The future was off limits for today.

***.*.***

Once it started to grow dark, Remus’ father prepared the bonfire. The boys pitched the tents while Hope and Lily brought out the bedding. She had changed into jeans and one of Remus’ over-sized jumpers. They sat around the fire toasting marshmallows and sharing some of their funny school stories. Hope and Lyall went back into the house an hour later, leaving the kids to their own devices.

Sirius disappeared inside the tent and brought out an acoustic guitar. “I’ve been teaching myself to play for the past year.”

“What? Where did you practice?” Remus asked, floored that he had kept a secret for so long.

“Room of Requirement. James found out a few months ago and he’d stay in there with me.”

“Oh, so that’s where you kept disappearing to,” Peter said. “I wondered about that.”

"Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m good enough now to play for an audience now.”

Sirius tucked his long hair behind his ears, bent his head over the guitar, and started to play  _‘In my Life’_ by the Beatles. It was incredibly beautiful, and Lily’s eyes filled with tears. The melancholy mood shifted with the next song. “This one’s for you, Moony.” The instantly recognizable  _‘Bad Moon Rising’_ started up, making everyone laugh. Then he played about half of  _‘Stairway to Heaven’_  by Led Zeppelin.

Sirius took a short break to stretch his fingers. “The next song was tricky to learn, but I think I’ve got the hang of it now.” He certainly had;  _‘Paint it Black’_ sounded fantastic. They gave him a round of applause and Sirius flashed them a pleased grin.

He took a swig of butterbeer. “Okay, last one… I’m dedicating it to Lil Red here.” Sirius sang  _‘Here comes the Sun’_  in a surprisingly decent voice. His gray eyes found Lily’s when he finished. “Doesn’t that earn me a hug, Vix?”

“I’ll give you a hug if you want one that bad,” Remus broke in.

“No thanks, I’ve hugged you plenty of times already.” Sirius stood up to stretch. “Well, I’m for bed. G’night.” And with that, he carried his guitar back into the tent.

“I’m not tired yet,” Peter said. “Does anyone want to go for a walk?”

James got to his feet. “Yeah, I’ll keep you company.”

When they were gone, Remus glanced over at Lily. “I think Padfoot has a thing for you. I might have to talk to him about it.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “He doesn’t, don’t worry. He’s only joking around.”  _And trying to keep you from noticing how James feels about me,_  she added silently.

“Hmm, you sure about that?”

“Definitely.” She took his hands and pulled him up from the bench. “Babe, are you jealous of Sirius?”

Remus frowned. “Maybe a little. I mean he is better looking than me and he can play the guitar now.”

Lily wrapped her arms around his waist. “Trust me, you’re far better looking. Why don’t you ask him to teach you the guitar?”

“Yeah, I might. I’ve always wanted to learn.” He gave her a quick kiss. “You want to turn in now?”

She nodded.

“I hope James and Peter remember to put out the bonfire,” Remus commented as they ducked inside their Muggle tent. The marauders were using the Lupin’s magical one that looked like a log cabin inside. Not that Remus or Lily minded; it was much cozier this way. They burrowed under a quilt, snuggling close for warmth.

“I’ll always remember today,” Lily whispered. “For some reason, I don’t think it will ever be like this again.”

Remus rubbed her back. “Sure it will, darling.”

“No… we’ll eventually have our own separate lives, and the war might—” She didn’t finish her sentence, but they both knew what the war might do.

“Lily, we’re not supposed to talk about the future today,” he said gently.

She sighed. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, love – I feel the same way about it. I think we’re all a bit depressed that school is over. And it’s true that we won’t have the same kind of fun that we had there, but we’ll be happy in a different way. We have so many things to look forward to.”

That made Lily smile. “Yes, you’re right about that.”

 

* * *

 - 17 -

**Vulnerability**

_Summer 1978_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

  

_Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the Auror Training Program, which begins on the third of July and concludes on the fifth of August. Under normal circumstances, recruits would be required to train for a year; however, time is a luxury that we simply do not have. Prepare yourself for an intensive training regimen that will turn you into a full-fledged Auror and soldier. Because of your condition, you will be excused from duty the day after the full moon. All trainees have Sundays free._

_Please arrive in the Ministry of Magic lobby on July third at promptly nine o'clock in the morning. We look forward to seeing you there._

_Cecil Wentworth_

_Head of the Auror Department_

**. . .**

Remus’ hands were shaking as he folded up the letter. He left the porch and crossed the green lawn, letting out a deep breath. A ministry job was finally within reach… it was almost hard to believe.

“Remus, dear, you have a phone call,” his mother called out, startling him. “Sirius wants to know if you’ve received your letter from the Auror department yet?”

“Yes, I have,” he replied, walking back to the house.

“And what did it say?” she prodded.

Remus couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “I got in.”

“Oh, honey, congratulations!” Hope threw her arms around him.

“Thanks, mum.”

She released him a moment later. “Well, come and tell Sirius your good news!”

Remus sat on the chair in the hallway and picked up the receiver. “Hi, Padfoot.”

“Moony! Did you make it in? Prongs and I got our letters and we’ve been accepted!”

“Yes, me too.” Sirius let out a triumphant whoop. “What about Peter?”

“Nope, ‘fraid not. Prongs Floo-called him and his mother told us what happened. Anyway, never mind about that – Prongsie and I are going out to celebrate! You better come too. Apparate over at eight o’clock, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. See ya then.”

“Bye, mate!”

Remus hung up the handset.

“Were all your friends accepted?”

He sighed. “Not Peter. I’m sure he’s in a bad state… I hope he doesn’t do anything rash.”

“He’ll be okay; the disappointment will lessen over time.” Hope kissed the top of his head. “But you need to think of yourself right now because you worked harder than anyone for this moment. You deserve to be happy about it.”

“I know.”

She cupped his face in her hands. “I’m so proud of you, Remus, and I know your father will be too. I love you, honey.”

His eyes filled with tears. “God, mum, you’re making me emotional.”

“There’s no shame in that. We could all do with a good cry every now and then.” She dropped her hands. “Are you going to call Lily?”

He nodded. “I need to compose myself first… get my head in order.”

“I’ll make some lemon balm tea to help you relax.”

“Thanks, mum. And I love you too by the way.”

Hope gave him a warm smile. “You’re such a treasure, Remus. I feel blessed to have you as my son.”

“Mum, you’re going to set me off again!”

She laughed. “Alright, I’m leaving now.”

Remus rubbed the tears from his eyes and read through the letter again. The future was finally taking shape for him.  _I’ve endured pain my entire life, and I know I can endure a month of hard training. I’ll become an Auror no matter what it takes._

***.*.***

Lily arrived at Marlene’s home just outside of Edinburgh on the same day that Remus began his training. She loved visiting the McKinnon family because of how cheerful and welcoming they were. Marlene had two younger siblings: eight-year-old Conall and twelve-year-old Janie.

“I’m so excited that you’re going to be my Potions professor,” Janie said as they prepared dinner.

“So am I, little owl.” Janie had received the nickname because she often stayed up late reading (and because her big eye-glasses and russet hair gave her the appearance of a tawny owl).

“And you’ll be able to teach me in a few years,” Conall added, clinging to her waist.

Lily ruffled his mop of blond curls. “I look forward to it. But you better behave in my classroom or I won’t go easy on you.”

He gave her a gap-toothed grin. “I’ll be an angel!”

Marlene gave a skeptical laugh. “A lie if ever I heard one.”

The siblings were still arguing when their mother walked into the kitchen. Briony McKinnon’s pretty face broke into a smile when she saw Lily. “Oh, my dear, it’s been ages! How have you been?” she asked, kissing her cheek.

“Good, thanks. Did you have a nice day?” Briony worked at an apothecary shop in wizard Edinburgh.

“It was fine, if a bit slow. You needn’t help with dinner, you’re our guest after all! Let the other children handle it.”

Lily smiled. “I honestly don’t mind. I’m enjoying myself.”

They were just sitting down at the table when Douglas McKinnon stepped out of the fireplace.

“Sorry I’m late,” he announced, taking off his ministry robes. “I had to go to Surrey and investigate a cursed book.” Douglas worked in the Improper Use of Magic office.

“What sort of cursed book?” Janie asked curiously.

“The sort that cause hallucinations to the reader,” her father replied. “I confiscated it and escorted the poor woman to St. Mungo’s. I only hope the mental trauma can be healed.” His gaze found Lily’s. “It’s good to see your bonnie face around here, lass. Congratulations on becoming the new Potions professor!”

Lily smiled at him. “Thank you, Mr. McKinnon.”

He sat down at the table. “Have you started coming up with lesson plans?”

“I’ve jotted down a few ideas, but I haven’t planned them out yet.”

“Ah, well you have plenty of time. Our Lena starts her job at the WWN a week from today.” Marlene had chosen the Wizard Wireless Network over The Daily Prophet.

“So soon! I didn’t know that,” she said, glancing at her friend.

“Sorry, I must have forgotten to mention it.”

That struck Lily as odd because Marlene wasn’t the forgetful type. “Are you going to be speaking on a news broadcast?”

“Not right away. I’ll be learning how everything’s run from behind the scenes. They might let me write the news scripts though.”

“I’ll have to meet you in Hogsmeade for lunch a few times a week.”

“That would be great.” The subject then shifted to Severus and how he was getting on as Mr. Belby’s assistant. “I'm sure it’s going well,” Marlene replied. “He’ll be able to tell us about it this week when he stops by.”

The McKinnons had all but adopted Severus, which Lily was glad of since he’d never experienced a healthy home life until now (his abusive father had died three years before and his mother was unwell).

Hours later – once Conall and Janie had gone to bed – the girls finally had some time to themselves. They lounged on Marlene’s frilly canopy bed in their pajamas, eating ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.

“So… how do you really feel about Remus getting into the Auror program?” Marlene asked.

“I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I’m happy for him because he isn’t being discriminated against anymore. And I know how important this is for Remus’ self-worth. But on the other hand, I’m worried about the danger he’ll be in as an Auror. I mean he could get into combat situations with the Death Eaters.”

“Remus may not even pass the training though.”

“No, he will, he’s completely determined. I’ll just have to put my fears aside and accept his decision.”

Marlene averted her blue-gray eyes and started chewing on her bottom lip.

“What is it, Lena?”

“I’m terrified about something too, but I’m not supposed to tell anyone. Will you swear to keep it a secret?”

“Of course I swear.”

“Hold on.” Marlene cast a Muffliato charm to prevent anyone from eavesdropping. Then she sat beside Lily and said: “Voldemort went to Sev’s house to recruit him.”

Lily let out a gasp. “What did he say?”

“That he was hesitant to join because of his ill mother, but of course You-Know-Who offered to pay for her medical treatment at St. Mungo’s. Sev had to say that he’d consider his offer just to get him to leave. And now he’s being followed! I’m glad we set up a Portkey to see one another before this happened, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to contact me at all.”

“Oh god, Lena, I’m so sorry.” She pulled her into a hug.

“But it gets even worse,” Marlene said, voice shaking. “Sev is going to join the Death Eaters as Dumbledore’s spy. He’s just a pawn in their game now, and I’m so frightened that he’ll be killed if he’s discovered!”

Lily held her friend as she cried. Her heart was breaking at what Severus was being forced to do. The danger was bad enough, but that was nothing compared to the actions he’d be expected to perform as a Death Eater.  _He might have to torture or murder innocent people._  Lily felt sick at the thought.

“How long have you known about this?” she asked once Marlene’s sobs had stilled.

“Over a week. I couldn’t say anything to my family… I just had to hold it in.” She pulled away and used tissues to wipe her face. “I can’t see a way out of this darkness, Lily. I don’t think it’s going to end well for our side.”

Lily took her hand. “There are far more people who oppose Voldemort than those who support him. I know it’s hard to be hopeful in this situation, but please try because Sev is going to help us win. What he’s doing is incredibly heroic.”

“Yeah, he made a joke that now he has the chance to play the reckless hero like the rest of us Gryffindors. He said we’ve rubbed off on him.”

She cracked a smile. “At least we did something right. I know you’re scared, Lena, but Sev is the only one with the intelligence to pull this off. Believe in him, okay?”

“I’ll try… I just hope Sev’s Occlumency will be enough to keep that horrible man out of his head.”

“It will be,” Lily stated with a confidence that she did not feel.

***.*.***

Remus, James, and Sirius were weeks into their training. They passed the psychological character and aptitude tests; were taught criminal investigation and tracking techniques; learned basic first aid; and practiced concealment and disguise using Polyjuice and Transfiguration.

Week three introduced advanced magical combat – something they already had a lot of experience in thanks to the Hogwarts Dueling Club. The trio was aching all over by the end of the session. They had to drink a repairing potion to heal their bruises before leaving the training room for the day.

“How you holding up, Moony?” Sirius asked as they headed out of the ministry.

“I’m managing,” he replied, rubbing his forehead. The full moon was less than two days away and he had his usual symptoms to deal with.

“Is Lil Red spending the full moon with you?”

“Yeah, she’s coming over tomorrow night. I’m gonna sleep it off and try to recover quickly. I have to be ready for dueling on Friday.”

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t know how you do it... you’ve gotta be the toughest bloke I know.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving him a wan smile.

“Hey, you want to crash at our place tonight?” James asked. “We can drink some Muggle beers and unwind.”

“Sure.” Remus had already stayed over a few times. The third bedroom was meant for Peter, but his mother was afraid of the Death Eaters and she didn’t want to live by herself. They had only seen him once this whole month because he kept turning down their invitations to hang out.

“Let’s go to that pizza joint again,” Sirius suggested. They often went there for dinner because it was nearby. Between the three of them, they ate a pie and a half. The remaining slices were placed in a takeaway box.

They went into an alley and Apparated over to Hyde Park. From there, they walked the short distance to James and Sirius’ Chelsea flat. It was one of those white row houses with window boxes and colorful front doors (they’d painted theirs a bright Gryffindor red). The inside was still a bit of a mess, but it was spacious, and it had south facing windows.

Remus sank into one of the overstuffed armchairs. He had a migraine throbbing behind his left eye.  _I should have gone home…_ All he wanted to do was curl up under the covers and sleep for twelve hours. But Remus had never been good with telling his friends no, so he sat there and drank a couple of beers. Surprisingly, it was Sirius who passed out first.

“Come on, Pads, get up and go to bed.”

“Can’t move,” he moaned. James rolled his eyes and had to help him back to his bedroom.

“I think I’ll turn in too,” Remus said when James returned.

“Can you wait a few minutes? There’s something I need to tell you.”

Remus sighed. “What is it?”

James took off his glasses and started polishing them on his T-shirt. His expression was tense, and Remus could smell his nervous sweat.

He cleared his throat. “I kissed Lily on the night my parents died. I was drunk and in a bad place, but that’s not the only reason why I did it.” He met Remus’ intense gaze. “I used to have feelings for her.”

Remus couldn’t believe it. “Since when?”

James averted his eyes. “I’m not sure exactly. I was in denial for a long time, but I recognized how I felt in sixth-year.”

“So, you were picking fights with Lily all the time just to hide how much you fancied her?” he asked slowly.

“Yeah. I’m not proud of it, Moony. I feel terrible – that’s why I’m telling you now.”

“Mate, you should have waited until after the full moon to confess,” he growled.

The blood drained from James’ face. “You are going to forgive me, aren’t you?”

“I might after I have time to process the bomb you just dropped on me.” Remus clenched his fists and strode out of the room. His head was spinning as he collapsed onto the bed. Exhausted as he was, it took him ages to fall asleep.

When he woke in the morning, he found Sirius eating a slice of cold pizza at the breakfast table. “Hey, Moony. Sleep well?”

“No,” he replied tersely. “Where’s Prongs?”

“He went to a café. Left a note on the fridge.”

Remus fixed himself a cup of coffee and sat across from Sirius. He’d figured something out last night and needed to confirm it.

“Pads, you don’t actually fancy Lily, do you?” Sirius started choking on his drink, but Remus continued talking. “All that flirting was just a cover for James, wasn’t it?” He murmured a first aid spell to help Sirius clear the liquid from his lungs.

“Bloody hell, you and Vix are determined to kill me with your abrupt questions!” It took him half a minute to fully regain his breath. “How did you figure it out?”

Remus kept his voice level. “Prongs told me everything. I was shocked, but when I thought about it, all the clues were there. I can’t believe how blind I was. But then again, I never would have thought that two of my best mates were capable of deceiving me for years.”

“It wasn’t like that, Moony! You’re making it sound worse than it actually was. I didn’t find out myself until the summer before seventh-year. And Prongs never intended to make a move on Lily – he’d accepted that it would always be unrequited. I’m sure you don’t fault him for kissing her while he was drunk and grieving.”

“Of course I don’t! I know how much pain he was in, but I would have been more understanding if he’d told me after it happened.”

“He couldn’t handle facing you. Prongs was still torn up about his parents, and he didn’t want a fight to distract everyone from exam prep.”

“Alright I’ll give him that, but you shouldn’t have tried to fool me by flirting with Lily!” he shouted. “That was a sneaky and unprincipled thing to do.”

Sirius winced at the accusation. “I agree that it wasn’t my finest moment, but my intentions were good. I was only trying to protect Prongs. You’d have done the same.”

Remus snorted. “Excuse me, but no I wouldn’t. As far as I’m concerned, you both behaved like bloody cowards!”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m only letting you get away with that because it’s close to the full moon.”

“You know I’m right,” he shot back. “Put yourself in my place for a minute and think how you’d feel if Peter had been lusting after your girl for years, had finally made a move on her, and then acted as though nothing had happened. How would you feel about me constantly flirting with your girl just to distract you from Peter’s feelings? Come on, tell me what you’d do in this situation.”

“I’d punch you both in your fucking faces, that’s what.” All the fight left him now. “I’m sorry, Moony. I fully support you destroying us in dueling today.”

“I plan to.” His hand was still shaking as he raised the cup to his lips. But it was a good kind of adrenaline because Remus hadn’t held anything back. This argument had been a long time coming.

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Well, you can refill my coffee for a start. And I wouldn’t say no to some scrambled eggs and toast either.”

Sirius chuckled. “I meant something a bit more important than food.”

Remus thought for a moment. “Guitar lessons once training is over.”

He nodded and held out his hand. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Moony.”

***.*.***

James kept his distance during the rest of the week, but he asked Remus to eat lunch with him on Monday. They went to a Muggle sandwich shop a few blocks away. It was a nice day, so they took them to go and found a bench underneath a shady tree. James waited until they finished eating before starting the conversation.

“Remus, I want to tell you again how sorry I am. I feel truly ashamed for how I behaved towards Lily. To be honest, I was a complete wanker at Hogwarts. Losing my parents has made me grow up a lot, and my worldview is very different now – especially when it comes to girls, and how they should be treated.”

“It sounds as though you’ve met someone.”

James gave him a sly smile. “I have.”

“Who is she?”

“Her name is Ivy Bishop; she’s the Muggle girl who survived the Death Eater attack. I asked Chief Wentworth about her before we started training and he told me where I could find her. I needed to see Ivy at least once... just to make sure she was okay after everything.”

“Yeah, I get it. Did you fall for her right away?”

“No, I thought she was rather plain at first, but when she smiles, Moony… I don’t know how to put it into words.” James paused. “Everything has been dark for me since my parents died, but when I saw her laughing, it was like a light filling up inside me. I felt hopeful for the first time, because here was this girl who lost her parents just like I did, and she was still able to make an expression like that.” His voice sounded strained, as though he were trying to keep his emotions in check.

“How long did it take you talk to her?” he asked gently.

James cleared his throat. “I went to the café three mornings in a row before I got her as my waitress. And you would not believe what an awkward fool I was.” He covered his face with the palm of his hand. “She asked my name and when I told her, I actually stuttered! And then I spilled my coffee all over the table.”

Remus laughed. “You’re joking!”

“Wish I was. I’ve never humiliated myself that badly before. I actually considered never going back again, but when Ivy brought me the check she said: ‘I hope I see you again tomorrow, James,’ so of course I went. She was always my waitress after that. Ivy is a year younger than us, but she had to quit school to work full-time after her parents died. She thinks it was a car accident.”

“What did you tell her about yourself?”

“She knows I live in Chelsea and that I’m training to be a policeman.”

“Have you asked her out on a date?”

“Not yet, but I’m going to this week. I think she’ll say yes… she seems to like me. I hope she does anyway,” he added, looking a bit uncertain. This was not the arrogant James of old.

Remus clapped him on the back. “Good luck, mate. I’m happy for you!”

“Thanks, Moony. I told Padfoot last night and he couldn’t believe it.”

“Why didn’t you tell him about going to see Ivy the first time?”

“Because I knew he’d want to tag along, and this was something I needed to do on my own. I wanted to be sure of my feelings before I mentioned her to either of you.” He took a sip of cola. “I dated a lot of witches in school, but I never felt a connection like this with any of them. The fact that Ivy is a Muggle doesn’t even matter to me. I think we can make it work.”

“Sure you can – my mum and dad have.”

“Would I be able to come back to your house tonight? You know, to ask what dating was like for them?”

“Yeah absolutely.” Remus glanced at his watch. “We better head back.”

They got up from the bench and started walking down the street.

“So… are we okay now?”

Remus draped an arm around his shoulder. “Yeah, mate, we’re fine. I got out all my frustration during those duels last week.”

James flashed him a grin. “I was scared shitless of you!”

He chuckled. “That’ll probably be the last time you ever are. I’m pretty tame for a werewolf.”

“Ever since the Wolfsbane potion anyway,” James agreed. “Man, I can’t wait until next week… getting out in the field is gonna be wicked!”

“Yeah, we’ll finally be able to put our skills to good use.” Each trainee would be accompanying two senior Aurors on real cases. If they performed well, they’d be asked to join their ranks. He was more than ready to prove himself.

***.*.***

Remus called Lily every evening to tell her how the cases were going. Most of them were routine and dealt with magical vandalism. His team had to remove quite a few jinxed objects in Muggle areas that were causing havoc. He also went to homes and businesses to take theft reports and examine the scenes for evidence. The most danger he faced was on a domestic violence call. The drunk wizard tried to attack them, but his spell never got through their shield charms. Remus was able to disarm the man while one of the senior officers bound him using the Incarcerous charm.

When Remus called on Saturday night, Lily hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Are you an official Auror?” she asked, slightly out of breath.

“Sure am!”

“Oh, Remus, that’s wonderful!” And Lily meant it – she knew how capable he was at protecting himself. He had been one of the best duelers at school, and his combat skills had improved even more during training. “Did Sirius and James make it in too?”

“Of course. Chief Wentworth said we’re the most impressive rookies he’s seen in years.”

Lily smiled. “I’m proud of you, sweetie. You worked so hard.”

“Thanks, love. It feels great to be done! And guess what? I have an entire week off! Can you stay over at my place?”

“Absolutely. Do you want me to Apparate over tonight?”

“Tomorrow would be better. All I want to do right now is sleep. But come around noon, okay? My parents are having a party, so James and Sirius will be here too.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” They said goodnight and hung up the phone.

Lily joined her mother at the kitchen table.

“Remus got through his training?”

“Yep, I’m so relieved! And with his income added to mine, we’ll be able to rent a cottage.”

Helen paused to take a sip of tea. When she looked up again, her green eyes were full of worry. “I know you want independence, Lily, and god knows I would never deny you that, but your leaving home frightens me. It’s dangerous to live in the magical world right now.”

“We’ll cast protective wards on our cottage,” she replied.

“I’d feel a lot better if you lived at school like the other professors.”

“I would only do that if Remus could stay at the castle with me, but he can’t without being employed there. Plus, we’d like to have our own place. As you said, we want our independence.” Lily gave her mother’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I know you’re worried, mum, but we’re going to do everything we can to keep each other safe. I’ll even check in with you every day.”

Helen sighed. “Please don’t do anything reckless, honey. Will you promise me?”

“Oh, mum, you know I can’t. Being Muggle-born already makes me a target, and if it comes down to it, I have to fight against them. I can’t stand back and watch those monsters destroy the world I love. You understand that, don’t you?

A tear slipped down Helen’s cheek. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t so good, Lily… sometimes I wish you were a little more selfish.”

She gave her a sad smile. “It would be a lot easier if I were.” But for better or worse, Lily was not the type of person who could ever tolerate injustice. She got up to comfort her mother – and for the very first time – felt entirely like an adult.

***.*.***

The small party assembled around the dining room table, devouring slices of Hope’s chocolate layer cake. Lily laughed at their stories about training, especially when James and Sirius described how Remus had beat them in dueling. She also found out that rookie Aurors would not be sent on Death Eater raids unless it was an emergency that required backup.

It was Hope who changed the subject. “James, how are things going with Ivy?”

“Good so far. We’ve been on two dates already and I’ll be able to take her out again next week.”

“How are you managing the Statute of Secrecy?” asked Lily.

His brow furrowed. “It’s been difficult. I wish I could tell her about Quidditch and Hogwarts and all the fun times my mates and I had. But I know I can’t say anything right now.”

“I get why we’re not supposed to do magic in front of Muggles we don’t know, but lying to people we have a relationship with seems wrong,” Sirius commented. “I hope James doesn’t have to wait until he’s married.”

Lyall shook his head. “He doesn’t; I told Hope before we got engaged. There isn’t a time limit on the law, it just depends how much you trust the person. If a confession doesn’t go well, the ministry will have to perform a memory charm. That’s why it’s important to be sure about someone before telling them the truth.”

“Ivy has already been Obliviated once… I won’t put her through that again. I feel like a fraud keeping things from her, but I’ll have to deal with it for the time being.”

“Why don’t you ask her what she thinks about ghosts and psychics,” Lily suggested. “If Ivy believes in those things, she’d probably be more open to our world. Oh, and find out if she likes fantasy books that have magic in them.”

“That’s a great idea! Thanks, Lily – I’ll bring it up on our next date.”

There would be no campfire tonight because it was raining out, but the soft candlelight inside the living room felt just as cozy. Sirius took out his guitar and started strumming  _‘Revolution’_  by The Beatles. They were all blown away when he played the complicated chords for  _‘Never Going Back Again’_ by Fleetwood Mac.

“You’re such a bloody showoff,” Remus accused when he finished the song.

Sirius flashed him a cocky grin. “We’ve all gotta be something.” He then played the upbeat  _‘Love Me Two Times’_ by The Doors. “Well that’s it,” he declared, setting his guitar down. “I won’t be able to practice any new songs for a while because I promised to teach Moony how to play.”

Hope glanced at her son. “Oh, you want to learn another instrument besides the piano?”

“Yeah… I thought it would be fun.”

“I didn’t know you played the piano, Moony! Let’s hear it then,” James urged.

Remus sighed, but he got up from the couch and went over to the small piano near the window. Hope had taught him how to play as a child. Lily knew that it had been one of his hobbies to stave off loneliness and boredom.

Remus began  _‘Nocturne no. 2 in E-flat major’_ by Frederic Chopin. Lily felt a surge of emotion as she listened to the gentle melody.

When he finished playing, Sirius said: “That was incredible, Moony. I almost shed a tear.”

“Oh, shut up,” Remus grumbled.

“I’m being serious!” he insisted, making James laugh at the pun. “I could never play something that beautiful.”

“Remus has the soul of a poet,” Hope said with a fond smile.

“I’d fall for him if I fancied blokes,” James teased.

“Hey, what about me?” Sirius asked indignantly.

“Sorry, mate, but we’re too much alike. It would never work between us.”

“Yeah… I’d probably choose Moony too.”

Remus threw a pillow at them. “I’m never playing the piano in front of you buffoons ever again.”

When he sat back down, Lily kissed his cheek and whispered: “At least we know they have good taste.”

Hope gave everyone a hug before turning in for the night. Lily could see how much it meant to James and Sirius, who had been missing motherly affection since Mrs. Potter’s death. The Lupins were their surrogate parents now.

“Hey, let’s run around in the rain,” Sirius said with all the enthusiasm of a puppy.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Why would we do that?”

“Because we’ve been stressed out for almost a year and we need to blow off some steam.”

They didn't need much convincing after that. The foursome slipped off their socks and ran barefoot through the grass. Remus nearly slipped, but Lily caught his arm to steady him. Sirius was right about the stress relief: Lily could practically feel the tension leaving her body as she laughed. They acted like complete fools for about ten minutes… then the shivering set in, and they hurried onto the porch to use drying charms.

“Does anyone want some hot chocolate?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” they all chorused.

“I’ll help you, sweetheart,” Lily offered.

“Oh, and bring back some blankets too,” James called. “It’s bloody cold out here!”

The friends huddled together on a cushioned bench, sipping mugs of cocoa with mini marshmallows, and talking late into the night.

 

* * *

 - 18 -

**Union**

_August 1978_

***.*.*.*.*.***

* * *

 

Lily and Remus were laying on a grassy hill, gazing up at the meteors streaking across the night sky. When the shooting stars got less frequent, Lily looked over at him and said, “This is one of the best things we’ve seen together.”

His eyes sparkled in the lantern light. “I was worried that it would be cloudy and ruin everything.”

She moved closer to him, placing her hand on his chest. “Oh really? And how long have you been planning this viewing party?”

He draped an arm over her. “A few weeks.”

“Well I’m glad the weather cooperated.”

“Me too,” Remus replied, lips brushing her forehead. Her eyelids fluttered closed at the gentle touch. “Lily?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you marry me?”

Her eyes snapped open. “Say that again,” she requested, heart racing.

He smiled and repeated the long-anticipated question.

“Yes, Remus! You know I will!” She made him laugh by covering his face with kisses. “Oh, but you surprised me! I wasn't expecting it.”

“I wanted your proposal to be special… something you would always remember.”

Lily grinned. “Well you’ve certainly accomplished it.”

“Here, let’s sit up for a minute.” Remus reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a velvet drawstring bag.

Lily gasped when she saw the engagement ring. It was a round-cut emerald flanked by a trio of tiny diamonds. “Oh, Remus, it’s so beautiful,” she breathed as he slipped it on her finger. It fit perfectly. Lily threw her arms around him. “Thank you!”

He stroked her hair. “You’re welcome, my love.”

She pulled back to look at him. “Can we get married this month? I don’t want to wait.”

His expression was tender. “Of course we can.”

“I’d love to have an outdoor ceremony in your front yard.”

Remus tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “That sounds perfect.”

“Oh, but will there be enough time to plan one? The full moon is on the eighteenth, so the wedding will have to be on the following weekend… that’s the twenty-sixth or the twenty-seventh.”

“Yeah, I’d say that’s plenty of time. My mum can help you with the arrangements.”

The wind whipped up and Remus suggested they go back to the tent. They took turns in the bathroom, and when they were snuggled under the covers, Lily brought up the cottage. “We need to find a place to rent. Any ideas?”

“Hmm, well it has to be somewhere private with a bit of land. And it’s probably best if we avoid wizarding settlements; they’re too exposed.”

“I agree. I’d love to be near a beach, somewhere that gets plenty of sunshine.”

He touched her ring. “Like Cornwall?”

“Yes! A smaller town, not too big, and it has to be one of those old stone cottages. I have a picture in my head… I’ll know it when I see it.”

His hand enveloped hers. “Then we’d better start looking right away. I want us to be settled in before the wedding.”

They started talking about all the things they would need for their new home.

Remus was the first to drift off. He looked years younger when he slept – like the fragile boy she had fallen in love with. Lily studied his handsome face, running a finger down his straight nose and over his cheekbone. Remus’ mouth quirked into a smile as she traced his bottom lip.

“Lily, what are you doing?”

“Admiring my soon-to-be husband.”

His eyes opened, revealing the golden starbursts in his stunning blue irises. He turned on his side and drew her into a kiss. “I love you, Lily Evans,” he murmured.

“You’ll have to call me Lily Evans-Lupin a few weeks from now.”

He smiled. “You still want to take my name?”

“Yes, I’ve always liked the way it sounds with mine.”

“It does have a nice ring to it,” Remus agreed.

She recalled them having a similar conversation in the Room of Requirement. And here they were, two years later, about to make those dreams come true.

***.*.***

On the following day, Lily and Remus Apparated to a Newquay real-estate agency. They told a lady named Martha what they were looking for. She flipped through her folder of rental listings, setting aside a smile pile of typewritten descriptions. All of them were stone cottages with gardens, but it was hard to get a feel for the place based on grainy snapshots.

“Can we see them in person?” Lily asked.

“Yes, I can take you round to the ones that are vacant, but most of these listings are still occupied by holiday renters, and a few of them are out of town. I’ll make some viewing appointments though. What days and times are good for you?”

“I’m on holiday this entire week, so anything is fine,” Remus replied.

“Great! Just give me a few minutes to arrange everything.” Martha pointed to a small kitchenette. “Help yourselves to some tea and biscuits while you wait.”

“Thank you,” Lily said, getting up from the chair.

Remus followed suit. He filled up the kettle from the tap, turned on the electric stove, and found the Earl Grey teabags. Lily arranged the chocolate covered biscuits on a plate and got out the cups. When the kettle whistled a minute later, they brought their afternoon snack over to a café table.

They were just finishing up when Martha joined them. “Good news! One of the out of town cottages is available to see today. We’ll look at the vacant properties first before taking a drive out there. Just let me pop over to the loo and then we can be on our way.”

***.*.***

One of the cottages in Newquay would have been nice if the neighbors hadn’t been so close. A few of them were neglected, one was occupied by a sinister ghost (which the Muggle real-estate agent couldn’t see), and none of them had a view.

“Not to worry! The cottage we’re going to now is an absolute stunner. You can see the beach from the upstairs window, and the garden is much larger too. Lily, if you sit up front with me, you’ll be able to see the coastline outside your window.”

The scenic roads she took them on were beautiful. Remus rolled down his window to feel the refreshing sea air against his face. He had always loved the leisurely pace of Muggle travel.  _Perhaps I should learn how to operate a car,_ he thought. _Then Lily and I could go on drives like this…_

“Nearly there! The beach is only a ten-minute walk away.” Martha turned the car down a quiet lane. “This is an old street, so there’s plenty of space between the houses. Each lot is at least an acre. The home we’re seeing today is at the end of the lane.” They pulled into a gravel driveway. “Here we are!”

Remus and Lily got out as soon as the car came to a stop. The cottage had a sky-blue door with matching shutters. Colorful flower beds along the path gave it a welcoming charm.

“The renters who are staying here went out for the day, so you’ll be able to have a good look around.” They let Martha go ahead of them. She opened a small lock box on the stoop and retrieved the house key. “Come on in!”

It had a fresh, lived-in energy that the others lacked. The living room walls were painted butter yellow and the furniture was simple, but comfortable looking. Martha led them into the kitchen at the back of the house. A large bay window provided plenty of natural light.

Lily walked over to it. “You can see the garden from here. And look, it has a willow tree! Martha, can we go outside?”

“Sure, the back door is just at the end of the hall.”

They stepped onto a patio containing a seating area and potted plants. High stone walls enclosed the spacious yard, giving them the privacy they wanted. There was even a hammock strung between two shady trees.

“Oh, it’s so charming!” Lily kicked off her sandals and walked barefoot through the grass. She disappeared behind the trailing willow branches. “Remus, come here,” she called out.

He stepped inside the green world after her.

“This is the place,” she said, beaming at him. “Do you feel it too?”

He smiled. “Yeah, it has a nice atmosphere. But let’s go upstairs to be sure.”

Like all old houses, the stairs creaked as they climbed them. “There’s three bedrooms and a bath up here,” Martha informed them.

Remus was pleased to find a big clawfoot tub, which could be expanded with magic. Him and Lily would be able to take baths together. The master bedroom was on the small side, but the view more than made up for it.

Lily raised the window sash. “I love that we’re close enough to hear the waves! It’s such a soothing sound.”

“We’d like to rent this cottage, Martha,” Remus told the real-estate agent.

“Excellent! The tenants will be leaving on the fourteenth, but the landlord will need a day or two to clean everything up and then you’ll be able to move right in! The furniture is included of course, but if there’s anything you don’t want, it can be removed for you.”

Twenty minutes later, Remus and Lily were standing on the front lawn – their arms around each other as they surveyed their new home. “We’re going to be so happy here,” he said.

She smiled up at him. “Yes, we will.”

***.*.***

On the following Monday, Lily went dress shopping with Marlene, Hope, and her mother. They visited many London boutiques and department stores, but she hadn’t found the simple gown she was looking for. Most of the shops were full of fussy lace and chiffon dresses with long sleeves. They would be visiting second-hand shops tomorrow.

Marlene was staying the night at Lily’s childhood home. While they waited for Severus’ portkey to arrive, her friend filled her in on the “break-up.” Dumbledore was afraid the McKinnons might mention their relationship to friends or coworkers, which could potentially get back to the Death Eaters. This would not only endanger them, but the entire mission. To make the split more convincing, Marlene had told her family that Severus was no longer her boyfriend due to his support of racist ideologies.

“They were so fond of Sev and now they think the worst of him,” she said miserably. “I understand Dumbledore’s reasoning, but this has taken him away from a family who loved him, and now he feels even more alone.”

“You’ll still be able to see him though, right?” Lily asked.

“Yes. My parents have a holiday home on the Isle of Skye. That’s going to be our meeting place.”

When Severus arrived, Marlene launched herself into his arms. Lily’s heart ached for them.

He gave her a hug next. “Congratulations on your engagement. I won’t be able to attend your wedding as myself, but I could use Polyjuice potion. We’ll have to come up with a story on who I am though.”

“Oh, that’s a good plan!”

“You’ll have to tell Lupin about me, Lily. I already cleared it with Dumbledore; he thinks having an Auror who knows the truth is prudent. You know, just in case I ever get arrested.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re not doing anything illegal, are you?”

He shook his head. “I’ve only made potions for them, but I still have to attend every meeting. Listening to their hateful speeches is punishment enough, believe me. Bellatrix Lestrange is by far the most bloodthirsty. She just recruited Regulus Black.”

She gasped. “But he’s only sixteen!”

“Yeah, he’s completely out of his depth, but what choice did he have? He’s the Black heir now and his cousin wanted him to join.”

“Sirius would be devastated if he knew. Will you look after Regulus and help him if he’s ever in trouble?”

“I’ll do what I can. Sirius Black is a wanker, but his brother is a good kid. I don’t like seeing him mixed up in this.”

The three of them sat down on Lily’s bed. “You look exhausted, Sev – you’re not taking care of yourself.” He had dark smudges under his eyes and his face was gaunt.

Severus shrugged. “I’m trying my best.”

“No, you’re not,” Marlene insisted. “If you can’t sleep, please take a potion. And don’t skip meals either! I’m worried enough about you as it is.”

“I’m sorry, Lena,” he said softly, stroking her curly blonde hair. “I’ll do better.”

Lily knew they could use a few minutes alone, so she excused herself on the pretext of getting food.  _They won’t always have to hide like this,_ she thought, closing the door behind her.  _Someday, we’ll all live in a better world._

***.*.***

Remus was furious when he read through the Ministry of Magic’s marriage application. There were check boxes for Human, Vampire, Veela, and Werewolf; plus a separate column for blood status (Pure, Half, Muggle-born, and Muggle).

“Incendio,” he murmured, dropping the burning paper onto the cobblestones.  _We will **not**  be placed on any racist registries! _When he got home from work, Remus told Lily and his parents about it.

“We’ll just fill out a Muggle license then,” Lily said.

“That’s what Lyall and I did,” Hope told them. “It made more sense because we couldn’t have a traditional bonding ceremony since I’m not a witch.”

Remus had wanted a magical wedding, but that was impossible now. He felt a seething anger at the wizarding government. “Voldemort might as well be working for the ministry with all these invasive laws they’ve been passing lately! I mean what are they trying to do exactly?”

“I’d say they’re attempting to keep track of any children born to unions they deem undesirable,” Lyall replied with distaste. “Mixed race, mixed blood – that’s not something they like.”

Remus felt sick. “We’re living in a dystopia.”

Lily rubbed his arm. “I don’t mind having a regular ceremony. I think it’s better considering that we have Muggle relations on both sides of our family. Now we won’t have to exclude anyone from the invitations.”

“I agree with you, but that isn’t the point, Lily. The ministry knows damn well that these questions will prevent non-humans and Muggles from filing an application! Don’t you see that it’s designed as a deterrent? And if anyone is foolish enough to submit one, the government will keep tabs on them for the rest of their lives.”

“I know, and it’s terrible, but we’re not going to let them win, okay? We’ll be together on our own terms, not theirs.”

“Lily’s right, sweetheart,” Hope said. “I’m considered an outsider, yet I’ve never felt like one because I know my worth. And you and Lily know yours. That’s why they’ll never be able to control you.”

For seven years, Remus had felt more like a human and less like a monster. But that application wanted him to choose one. Why couldn’t he be both? He was born a human after all… didn’t that mean anything? To them it didn’t, but he no longer cared what they thought. The wizarding world was fighting a losing battle if they thought these strategies would work. Love would always triumph over bigotry.

***.*.***

They moved into their cottage on Sunday. Remus only had a day to recover from the full moon, but he was in good spirits, and their parents helped with the unpacking. Hope gave them an early wedding present: a beautiful hand-made quilt with moonflower appliques on it.

Lumos loved his new home too, especially the garden. The black cat lay basking in the sunshine while they ate their lunch at the patio table. Their parents left them to get settled in after that. Remus and Lily felt too lethargic to do much of anything, so they took a nap underneath the willow tree. When the couple woke an hour later, they had enough energy to walk down to the beach.

“I think I’ve figured out who Snape can be,” Remus said as they strolled barefoot along the shore. “I’ll say he’s a Muggle friend from the bookshop I used to work at. No one ever visited me there – they won’t know I’m lying.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him.”

“I still can’t believe he’s a double agent… I never thought he’d do something so brave.”

Lily smiled. “Does that mean you have more respect for him?”

“Yeah, absolutely. There’s no way I could do what he’s doing.” He paused. “How has Marlene been holding up?”

“She’s trying to stay strong. I think it helps that they’re still able to see each other.”

Remus squeezed her hand. “Their situation makes me realize how lucky we are, Lily.”

“I know. I’m thankful every day.”

They climbed onto a rock to watch the horizon. The setting sun painted a golden pathway on top of the glittering water. It was a breathtaking sight... one they would be able to see whenever they wanted.

The rest of the evening was just as relaxing. They made pasta for dinner and then took a bubble bath. Remus’ muscles were still sore, so Lily took the lead in the bedroom. Their slow and sensual lovemaking allowed them to climax at the same time. Lily lay on top of him, trembling with pleasure as their hearts slowed. She rolled onto her side a minute later and Remus clung to her waist, nuzzling against her chest. He always craved closeness and reassurance after the full moon. She stroked his hair, murmuring words of endearment. Lily was usually the one being held, and she welcomed this role reversal; it made her feel like a protector too.

***.*.***

On the twenty-seventh of August, Remus awoke to bright sunshine streaming through the window. He was in his childhood room, alone in a bed that felt empty without Lily. She was across the hall in the guest room (because apparently it was bad luck to stay together the night before the wedding). He let out a yawn, stretching his arms above his head. Remus glanced at the clock. It was a quarter past eight. His alarm had been set for nine, but he shut it off and got up. Remus opened the window that faced the front yard. Cheerful birdsong filled the room as he gazed out at the green valley. The cloudless blue sky indicated that there would be no rain today.

Lily was already making breakfast when he walked into the kitchen. He kissed her good morning. “How did you sleep?”

“Fitfully,” she replied. “What about you?”

“The same. I was too excited… and I don’t sleep well when you’re not there.”

She hugged him round the waist. “That’s the last night we will ever have to spend apart.”

“Thank Godric for that.”

They had just started eating their pancakes and scrambled eggs when his parents wandered in.

“Greetings to the almost newlyweds!” Lyall said enthusiastically. His father had too much energy in the mornings. Remus couldn’t even function unless he drank two cups of coffee.

Hope kissed the top of their heads. “Thank you for making breakfast.”

“It was Lily who made it – she woke up first.”

“I couldn’t sleep on the night of my wedding either,” Hope said, sitting across from them. “And Lyall was a nervous wreck.”

“What did you do, dad?”

“Dropped the ring on the church floor, which I then had to chase after because it was rolling away.” That made everyone laugh. “Sure, it seems funny now, but it was humiliating! Everyone thought I was a complete buffoon.”

“I didn’t think that, my love,” Hope reassured him. “I found your clumsiness quite endearing.”

Lyall kissed his wife. “Thank you, darling.”

Remus used to find their affectionate displays embarrassing, but he realized now that he had learned how to express love by watching them.

“Do you have any marriage advice for us?” Lily asked.

“Let’s see… don’t close yourselves off if something is bothering you,” Lyall replied. “Respect one another and don’t forget that you’re in an equal partnership.”

“Try to be patient and understanding,” Hope added. “You’re going to make mistakes, but it’s important to forgive each other.”

“Thanks, we’ll remember that,” Remus said.

They talked about the wedding while they ate. Around fifty guests would be attending the ceremony at one o’clock. Most of them were family and friends, but they had also invited Hagrid, Madame Pomfrey, Damocles Belby, and Professors McGonagall, Slughorn and Dumbledore. Even some of Remus’ coworkers would be there, including the head of the Auror department.

Once the Lupins finished their breakfast, they changed into comfortable clothing and headed outside. Remus and Lyall used magic to set up the chairs, arbor, and white marquee. Hope arranged the bouquets on the reception tables, while Lily took care of the bridal tent. When everything was in order, they went back in the house to sort through their record albums.

“What song are we dancing to first?” Lily asked, doodling on a pad of paper.

“It’s a surprise.” He glanced over her shoulder and saw the words ‘Lily Evans-Lupin’ written in five different styles. That made Remus smile. “Practicing your signature?”

“Yep. I think I like this cursive one the best.” She put her pen down, yawning. “Babe, let’s take a nap for a little while.”

“Okay. I’ll set the alarm for eleven.”

He curled his body around hers, resting his hand on her hip. They were asleep within minutes.

***.*.***

Remus changed into his gray-blue suit and ran a wet comb through his hair. Hope had given him a trim, but he still looked like himself.

“Oi, you done primping in there?” Sirius called through the door. “It’s 12:40.”

“Yeah, just a second.” He surveyed himself in the mirror one last time before exiting the bedroom. His mates were waiting for him in the hallway.

James grinned. “Ah, look at how handsome Moony is!”

Sirius pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “Our son is all grown up and getting married.”

“There, there, Padfoot,” Peter consoled, patting him on the back. “We knew this day would come.”

“Yep, all the way back in fourth-year when he met Lily in the common room for cuddles,” James teased.

“I remember it like it was yesterday,” Sirius said in a fond tone. “But instead of a suit, he was wearing pajamas.”

Peter chuckled. “Moony was so precious back then.”

“Hell, he still is,” James replied. “Come on, group hug.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile as they crowded around him.

“Alright, let’s get our boy hitched!” shouted Sirius.

Remus glanced at the white bridal tent when they got outside. Lily was in there right now getting ready.

“Do you have the ring, Padfoot?”

The Best Man placed a hand over his jacket pocket. “Yep, the box is here.”

_Please make sure I don’t drop it like my father did_ , he silently prayed. Butterflies filled his stomach when he saw the occupied chairs on the lawn.  _What if I stutter during my vows and make a fool of myself?_

He must have looked nervous because James said: “You’ll do fine, Remus. Just look at Lily and forget about everyone else.”

Peter held out a tin of mints. “You don’t want to have bad breath for your kiss.”

Remus had already brushed his teeth, but he took one anyway. Crunching on the mint seemed to help his anxiety. James and Peter wished him luck and then took their seats. Remus strode purposefully down the aisle, heading for the arbor twined with pink and white roses. He said hello to the vicar, who gave him a reassuring smile.

Sirius stood next to him. “Deep breaths, Moony.”

“I’m fine, Padfoot.” But he shut his eyes and steadied his breathing anyway. When he opened them, he saw his parents beaming at him from the front row. They were wiping tears from their eyes. Remus knew they’d never expected him to get married. And for the longest time, he hadn’t thought it would be possible either; but then Lily had entered his life and her unconditional love had shown him that they could accomplish anything together. A sense of calm settled over Remus as he thought about all the special times they had shared.

The sound of violins brought him back to the present. “Here she comes,” Sirius announced.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw Lily walking towards him. She was wearing a white empire-waist gown with cap sleeves and a sky-blue sash. Her long hair fell in coppery waves over her shoulders. She was as radiant as a goddess. Mr. Evans kissed his daughter’s cheek before giving her hand to Remus. Lily gazed back at him with happy adoration in her emerald eyes.

“You look gorgeous,” he murmured.

“So do you.”

He smiled and bent to kiss her hand. When he straightened, the vicar began the ceremony.

“Honored guests, thank you for joining us on this most joyful occasion to celebrate the union of Lily Evans and Remus Lupin in sacred matrimony.” He then spoke the vows in an undertone for Remus to repeat.

“I, Remus, take you, Lily, as my wedded wife. From this day forward, I promise to love and care for you in times of happiness and sorrow.” His hand was shaking as he slipped the gold band on her finger. “With this ring, I vow my faithful devotion to you.”

“I, Lily, take you, Remus, as my wedded husband. From this day forward, I promise to love and care for you in times of happiness and sorrow.” She slid a matching band on his finger. “With this ring, I vow my faithful devotion to you.”

“By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the vicar declared. “You may now seal your union with a kiss.”

Cheers rose up when their lips touched. Remus swept Lily into his arms and she laughed as he spun her around.

Everything was a bit of a blur afterwards. The newlyweds were congratulated and hugged and photographed. They weren’t able to catch their breath until the reception. When the first dance was announced, Remus led Lily out of the marquee, into the sunlight.

_‘And I Love Her’_  by the Beatles started playing. He had chosen it because the lyrics described his feelings so completely. Remus held his wife close and sang his favorite lines to her. “A love like ours, could never die, as long as I have you near me. Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky, I know this love of mine will never die.”

The future might be full of uncertainty, but he was sure of one thing: their feelings for each other would last the rest of their lives.

***.**

The End

***.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few playlists for this fic (links to 8tracks and Spotify can be found on this livejournal post):  
> https://d-leveille.livejournal.com/7745.html
> 
> I also made a Remily aesthetic, which you can view on my tumblr here:  
> https://dreamleveille.tumblr.com/post/169799207020/this-is-exactly-what-i-want-when-were-married-a


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